


The Best Kept Secrets

by kowaiyoukai



Category: Digimon
Genre: Angst, Coming Out, Coming of Age, Cutting, Depression, High School, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2003-02-12
Updated: 2007-12-14
Packaged: 2017-10-30 20:14:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 71,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/335631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kowaiyoukai/pseuds/kowaiyoukai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yamato's life, in all it's many-splendored glory.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Monotonous

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was originally posted at FFN. My older notes are there, although they are all incredibly long and obnoxious. Only important current info: I don't have original chapter posting dates for chapters 2-7, so I've listed those as the chapter 1 date. Also, this fic is still very much a WIP after 10 years. I still pull it out to work on it from time to time, but keep it in mind. Thanks for reading! :D

Life was so ordinary. It had been, for years now. Ever since they had saved the Digiworld. It had been an adventure, and perhaps they had thought that things would never change. That they would continue to travel between the two worlds, helping to keep the peace and befriending more digimon. What a shock it had been, when they had separated from their digimon companions to live in their own world, and never again travel to the digital world.

At first, no one knew what to do. The gate to the digital world was forever closed, and, despite their best attempts otherwise, would remain so.

Why were they all so eager to return? That one fateful day had started out so ordinary, yet it had changed them all so much. Was it really necessary to return? To escape from this world once again?

Yamato sighed. Perhaps the others had their own reasons for wanting to return, but he only knew his own.

A loud timer went off, interrupting Yamato's thoughts. He quickly turned off the stove and began to stir a few herbs and spices into the concoction. He stirred it for maybe five, six minutes before another timer went off. He left the original mixture alone and bent to check on the meat.

It was business as usual for him. Every day, if he wanted to eat, he had to cook. He was considered to be a good chef, but he thought it was more cause-and-effect than natural ability. Most things he knew how to do were probably from the necessity of taking care of his house. He did the laundry, cleaned the house, and went grocery shopping. It might have been considered somewhat odd for a fourteen-year-old boy to be doing such things, but he knew it was the only way things would ever get done around his house.

After all, his father was completely unable to do anything even related to housework. Not that he had much of a choice in the matter. The job he had chosen required a lot of time away from home, and the time he did come home he either spent doing extra work or sleeping.

The meal was finally complete, and Yamato set out two places on the table. Chances were good that his father would miss tonight's meal, but he always left a place set anyway. It was somehow easier thinking that he might make it this time.

There was one small lamp burning across the room. It gave just enough light to see by. Whenever he was home alone, he used as little light as possible. The darkness was comfortable, and he enjoyed basking in it. There was warmth there that just wasn't present when everything was uncovered by light.

He lifted his glass and drank some slowly. The liquid felt smooth going down his throat. He placed the glass down and tried to ignore the clink that echoed throughout the room. The knife he lifted felt cool under his fingertips, and he began to meticulously cut through the meat. He brought each individual piece up to his mouth, and ate slowly. There was no hurry. No need to rush. No one was waiting for him. No one was in some horrible situation, that only he could save them from. It didn't matter if he was here, or somewhere else. It really didn't matter.

If he tried hard enough, he could almost forget that he was alone.

The phone rang. His thoughts were immediately, thankfully, interrupted. He stood up and crossed the room.

"Hello?" His voice sounded hollow, even to him.

"Matt! Good, you're there." The voice on the other end sounded breathy, almost as if he had just been running. The sound was familiar, so much so that Yamato already knew what it would say.

"Hey, dad."

"Hey, listen, I'm really sorry, but I'm going to be late tonight. An assignment just came up, and I have to get it done before tomorrow."

"Sure. No problem."

"You sure?"

"You bet."

"Great. Thanks, Matt."

"Bye."

"See you later!"

The phone went dead in his hands. He set it back on the receiver with a click. It was not surprising that his father would be home late again. Ever since he could remember, his father would continuously be late. He would always be busy with work. It didn't really bother him. Much. Why should it bother him? His father was working to support him, after all. It would be selfish of him to ask for more. Wouldn't it?

Sitting back down at the table, he realized he had everything he could want. He had the best friends anyone could ever ask for, a father who worked day and night for him, and a little brother who looked up to him. That was all he needed, really. He could survive with just that.

The rest of the meal passed in silence.

~*~*~*~*~*~

After the dishes were done, Yamato wrapped up the leftovers and left them in the refrigerator. His father would eat them whenever he got home tonight. Or the next morning.

His eyes scrutinized the kitchen. It was completely clean, but he knew it would be dirty again tomorrow. For now, at least, the shining counters seemed to sparkle in appreciation for him. He flicked off the light and walked through the darkness into his bedroom.

Yamato's room was the only room of the house that had any personality. The walls were covered with rock and roll posters, most of which were bent or slightly torn. His window opened onto the street below, but the frayed shades were drawn tightly, preventing any view. His desk was surprisingly neat, given the rest of his room. The papers were only slightly scattered, and two or three pens were free to roll as they pleased. Pictures of Takeru, the digi-destined, his father, and Gabumon with the other digimon were arranged in a puzzling pattern just above his desk. The three biggest pictures were of Takeru and him sleeping underneath a tree together, a group shot of all of the digi-destined and their digimon (taken by his father), and Taichi and him laughing. His bed was unmade, the sheets comfortably wrinkled and worn. His sheets were dark green, which didn't match at all with the brown carpet. He had long ago forgotten what color his walls were. The spaces between the posters were various shades of blue, however, and he figured it would be somewhere in that color range. His closet was open, clothes falling out of it at every imaginable angle. His stereo was on a small table in the corner, where he could easily listen to his extensive music collection or practice his harmonica and guitar without worrying about knocking something else over.

His room was probably the only messy room in the house. He felt comfortable in it, relaxed. The rest of the house almost seemed to stifle him with its cleanliness. It felt good to be messy, sometimes.

Yamato immediately shut his door behind him and jumped on his bed. The mattress moved gently, and the soft cotton sheets welcomed him. He yawned and looked up to check the time. It was only 8:37 pm. Definitely not late enough for sleep just yet. Maybe he should do some homework. It might keep his mind off of everything else.

He stared at his book bag and narrowed his eyes. School. What a waste. It only took up time and energy. But, everyone needed to suffer through it.

His books were soon laid out on his desk. Yamato flipped through page after page of work, reading various passages and solving equations. It was a relief when the phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Matt?" The voice was cheerful, and Yamato felt himself immediately smile.

"Tai."

"What's up?"

"Just doing homework."

"Oh. Pretty lame."

"You're telling me. How about you?"

"Not much. I'm trying to not be completely bored. It's not working."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"So, why'd you call?" Not that it was a bad thing hearing his voice. Oh, no. Not a bad thing at all.

"Just thought you might be bored."

"Yeah, well, you know."

"Hmm. Yeah. Your dad there?"

"He's still at work."

"Oh." Tai was careful about that. He never knew what to say when the subject came up, so Yamato was surprised Tai had brought it up himself. Then again, Tai really did try to understand more about him every time they talked. He guessed that's what friends did. Friends...

"It's alright. I know he's got to work. I don't care."

"Uh-huh. Sure."

"What?"

"Nothing, nothing. No offense."

"It really doesn't bother me."

"Did I say it bothered you?"

"... You were thinking it."

"What, you can read my mind now?"

"So you WERE thinking it!"

"Matt."

"What?"

"... You're crazy."

"Look who's talking."

He laughed, and it made Yamato smile even more. Tai had a great laugh.

"Hey, Matt?"

"Yeah?"

"You wanna sleep over this weekend?"

"Sure."

"Cool. I've got this game on Saturday, so I was thinking we could hang out Friday night, you know, watch movies at my place or something."

"Whatever. Sounds good to me." It sounded great to him, actually.

"Awesome. I'll ask my mom later. I'm sure she'll say yes."

"She always has before."

"No one can resist my charm!"

"I'm sorry, I must have misheard you. I thought you said you had charm."

"Are you trying to imply something?"

"Yes."

"Good. Glad we got that straightened out."

Yamato had a reply, a good one, too. But his laughter came out first, and then Tai started laughing, and then they were both too far gone to care anymore.

It was nice, laughing with him. Talking with Tai always brightened his day. He made Yamato smile. At first he thought it was because Tai was such an idiot, but then he realized it was probably because Tai really did care about him. He was a good friend. Yamato was lucky to have him. They would be best friends forever. Sometimes he had to remind himself of that. Sometimes, when he became depressed, he would have to remind himself that he was friends with Tai. Nothing less than friends. Best friends. Nothing more than it, either.

It was probably wrong to want to be closer to him. To want to be there for him always, and protect him. To want to run his hands through his hair, or stare into his eyes for hours on end. Wanting those things was wrong. They were things that he could never have. It would be easier to stop wanting them, but he couldn't. Those visions were too important to him to lose.

So, they were friends. The best of friends. It would have to be enough. If it wasn't enough, he was in trouble. Because then he might lose Tai for real. If he ever told Tai even one of his thoughts, Yamato would lose him. There would be nothing left for him after that. Silence was his only option. He didn't want to lose Tai.

He couldn't lose moments like this.

The laughter stopped as eventually it must, and eventually the conversation concluded. Why must 'all good things come to an end'? He hung the phone back up with Tai's farewell lingering in his ears.

It really was getting late. Yamato would probably be tired tomorrow. However, a phone call with Tai ranked higher on his list of priorities than sleep. He changed quickly and slid in between his sheets. His bed was warm and comforting, and he sighed contentedly. Tomorrow was Thursday. He had dinner with TK planned. What should he make? Takeru tried to come over at least once a week, but his schedule was hectic. It continuously surprised Yamato that TK always found time to hang out with him.

He drifted off into sleep slowly. Blackness filled his vision, and sweet dreams of things that were never meant to be plagued his mind.

They lingered for a long while.

~*~*~*~*~*~

A loud ringing woke him. Yamato groaned and threw his hand out on his desk, searching for the culprit.

"Shut up," he moaned into his pillow. He knit his eyebrows in frustration when he couldn't find the alarm clock. Growling, he tore his covers off and yanked himself up. He quickly looked to his left and grabbed the alarm.

"I said, shut up!" The clock hit the far wall with a loud thud, gave one final, pitiful ring, and fell in defeat. It was, fortunately, used to his irrational behavior.

Yamato blinked and struggled to stay awake. Sleeping was so peaceful. He didn't have to worry about anything when he was asleep. Not about schoolwork, or what to make for dinner, or anything else that normally plagued him.

He eventually stood up and stretched his legs. They always ached after a long night. He used to wonder why, but lately he noticed he was too tall for his bed. His feet tended to hang off the edge. It would have been nice to be able to buy a new bed, but he didn't have any money. Asking his father was out of the question. Simply put, he tried to avoid asking his father for money whenever he could. He worked so hard for his money that it didn't seem fair to ask him for things that were not necessary. The bed he had was fine. If he bent his legs a little, he didn't even notice that anything was wrong. It was only when he woke up that he noticed, and he could easily ignore that. Easily.

He went over to his closet and picked out a tight, short-sleeved black tee-shirt with a pair of khaki cargo pants. He had unintentionally become somewhat fashion-conscious, and the result was a few extra minutes each morning of studying himself in a mirror. To most guys those few extra minutes might not matter, but Yamato's hair always had to be carefully styled. It was his trademark, and he was quite proud of the way it turned out. Those extra minutes meant time away from his hair. It was a compromise he had been forced into.

He showered and dressed quickly, knowing he always had only just enough time to walk to school. His father used to give him a ride, but once he turned seven his father thought he was old enough to walk to school. It never bothered him, until he started wanting to sleep in more. But, then, it really was his fault for wanting to sleep in instead of getting up early.

Yamato threw all his books into his backpack, and slung it over his shoulder. He had ten minutes before he really had to leave. Breakfast passed through his mind like a fleeting dream. He rarely had time to make a good meal, and he somehow felt wrong making something easy... like toast. Or boiled water. Besides, he was rarely hungry.

A note on the kitchen table caught his eye. He picked it up and read it briefly.

'Matt,

'Thanks a lot for the meal.

'I'll be gone for a day or two. Big story in Odiaba.

'Dad'

Not a surprise, but a disappointment nonetheless. Yamato sighed and crumpled the note up. Growling slightly, he tossed it in the trash.

Suddenly he didn't want to stay in his house anymore. He grabbed his key and opened the front door. He slammed it shut behind him and locked it. A neighbor stuck her head out of her window and looked at him.

"Could you be quiet? It's early, you know."

He ignored the woman and walked towards the building that he was trapped in for most of each day. At least he had a few classes with his friends. Not many, but enough to get him through each day without many thoughts of killing himself to end the misery. Algebra, or death? Biology, or eternal darkness? The choice seemed all too clear to him.

"Hey, Matt!"

The voice came as a welcome surprise to him. He looked up to find a certain brunette soccer player waiting for him.

"Tai." What was he doing here? Didn't he normally come to school from the other direction? "What are you doing?"

"Waiting for you."

Yamato rolled his eyes. "I can see that. But, why? This is totally out of your way."

"What, I can't walk to school with my best friend?"

He smiled. He couldn't help it. "Nope."

"Oh. Well, then, if that's how it is." Tai started to walk away, and Yamato let him. After five steps, the shorter boy turned around and said, "Well, come on! We're gonna be late."

"Who's fault is that?"

"Yours."

"Really?"

"Oh, yeah. Just how long did it take you to do your hair this morning?"

"Shut up, Tai."

Tai laughed, and Yamato's smile widened. Damn it. It was hard. It was always hard, being near him. But it was harder without him.

Yamato snorted. "Don't be jealous."

"Of you?" Tai asked, incredulous. "Not possible."

"Uh huh. Just keep telling yourself that."

"Shouldn't be too hard."

They both rolled their eyes at each other, and a comfortable silence passed between them. Yamato was aware of Tai walking beside him, and his hand almost betrayed him by reaching out to touch the other boy. He shoved both hands in his pockets after that. It was safer that way.

He stared straight ahead as he walked. Autumn was coming to a close, and winter was setting in. Thanksgiving was only two weeks away. Briefly, Yamato wondered if his father would be home for the dinner. Last year, his father had only been able to stay for an hour before he rushed off. At least he hadn't been alone the entire night. After his father had left, TK had called. They had talked for a while before their mother had intervened. She meant well, but she honestly didn't know how to handle Yamato. At least, that's what he told himself. After an... incident a few summers ago, he had limited his visits to TK's house to as little as possible. Preferably when that woman wasn't there. She was very nice to TK. But, Yamato always did something wrong. He always acted wrong when he went over there. Was that why...

But Tai was talking to him, and talking to Tai was more important than thinking about his mother.

"Sorry, what?"

Tai sighed. "You always zone out like that."

"Whatever."

"I asked you what you were making tonight?"

"Oh. I don't know yet."

Tai raised his eyebrows. "Really? Normally you've got it all planned out."

"I know, but I couldn't think of anything good."

"Excuse me? Anything GOOD? Yeah, right. Matt, everything you make is good."

"Shut up."

"No, seriously. You're, like, the god of cooking. I mean, 'Iron Chef' was made for you."

"You're cracked, man."

"Alright, so you're stuck for an idea?"

"Well, I thought of a few things, but, I don't know."

"What?"

"You know, if he'll like them or not."

Tai stared at me. "He likes everything you make. Just pick something."

"It's not that easy."

"Sure it is."

"No, it's not."

"Alphabetically, or something."

"What?"

"You know, or what has the least letters."

"That's not how you pick something."

"Works for me."

"Well, that tells me something, doesn't it?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means look at the decisions you make."

"What's wrong with them?"

"Nothing... if you like failing all your classes."

"Excuse me? I am not failing all my classes. I just happen to be passing PE, you know."

"Oh, wow, Tai. I certainly misjudged you."

"I'm beginning to feel a little unappreciated."

"Spell it."

Tai glared at him. "Shut up."

Yamato laughed, and glanced at Tai. "Anyway, how's practice going?"

Tai immediately brightened up. "Excellent. I mean, okay, we've got a few problems, like one of the defense doesn't know a thing about the game. And, a forward doesn't like teamwork. We're worried that's gonna mess with us once we start playing. But coach says we have plenty of extra people we can alternate with him, so I guess it's not that big a deal."

"Uh huh."

"Our goalie rocks. He's been playing practically forever. He always surprises the team. Last game of last year, he was called out of the box for the last fifteen minutes. One of the main players got injured, and we needed him. Anyway, he was, like, halfway across the field when he saw what the other team was planning to do. He ran across to the goal and stopped the ball just before it went in. We won thanks to that. He's an awesome guy."

"Mmm."

"Our coach is really happy that he decided to play again this year. None of the other guys who tried out had any hope of being goalie. We got one or two new guys who are really good, and a few who are okay. They still need some practice though. Come on, there's school. We'll be late if we take any longer."

"Uh huh."

"... Matt?"

"Mmm."

"Matt." Tai pushed him lightly, and he jumped.

"What?"

Tai narrowed his eyes. "You weren't listening at all, were you?"

"I was listening."

"You were zoning."

"Whatever."

"I knew it."

"Hey, Tai! Matt!"

Yamato waved in the general direction of the greeting, wanting nothing to distract him from glaring at Taichi. Tai, on the other hand, ignored Yamato completely.

"Hey! What's up, Sora?"

Sora walked up to them, a frown already forming on her face at the sight of the two of them.

"Have you been fighting again?"

"No." Both boys answered simultaneously, which made her even more suspicious.

"You're both liars. I can tell."

They continued chatting idly, walking to their lockers. Being freshmen in high school had some benefits, such as lockers in the same hallway. Of course, said hallway was in the farthest part of the school from the classrooms, which might have been the sole reason for the 'special treatment'.

At his locker, Yamato said good-bye to Sora, who he didn't see until lunch. He had four classes with Tai- second period Algebra, fifth period lunch, seventh period physical education, and eighth period English. So, he merely nodded to Tai before quickly spinning in his locker combination.

As he put back some textbooks and took others out, Yamato realized he still had come to no conclusion about what to make TK for dinner that night. His brother loved pasta. Maybe lasagna? Or fettuccini? Something Italian.

He closed his locker and turned around, walking straight into Koushiro.

"Ow," Koushiro said, taking a step back. "Matt."

"Dude, you were standing right behind me."

"Let's get to class. We'll be late if we stay here any longer."

Yamato shrugged and walked with Koushiro to their first period class, which was Biology. It was, by far, the worst class he had to deal with. Not only did he not understand the material, but also the teacher seemed to only be happy when pointing out to everyone in the class that he didn't understand what the hell was going on. It was exactly his luck to have that class first thing. What a way to start the day.

They got to class before the bell rang, and by some miracle had enough time to sit down and get out their notebooks before the teacher came in. Class was slow and boring, which was to be expected. Once again, Yamato was called on to answer a question that he knew nothing about. Once again, Koushiro saved him from utter humiliation. Koushiro was extremely intelligent. He wasn't even supposed to be in high school yet, but he had a specialized schedule to allow for him to have classes at both the high school and middle school. In Yamato's opinion, it was a seriously good thing that Koushiro was in that class with him. Otherwise, he would never have a hope of passing.

As the bell rang signaling the end of class, their teacher announced a quiz for the next day. Yamato snarled, and threw his book in his bag. Koushiro looked over at him and frowned.

"Matt, do you need some help? I can come over tonight if you want."

"Thanks, but I've got dinner with TK."

"Oh. That's right. It's Thursday, isn't it? Well, I can always come over right after school."

Yamato thought for a minute, then shrugged. "Sure. I think I'll completely fail otherwise."

"It would be beneficial for you. After all, I wouldn't get anything out of studying with you."

Yamato narrowed his eyes at Koushiro. "Gee, thanks, Koushiro."

"No, that's not what I... I mean."

Yamato shook his head and smirked. "Yeah, okay. Meet me at my locker, alright?"

"That's acceptable."

They parted ways, Koushiro heading to English while Yamato turned left for the math wing. He passed through the hallways with barely a thought, not even noticing the girls who stared and whispered as he passed. Someone had once told him that most girls thought he was good-looking, but he hardly cared. None of them had ever approached him, and he was thankful for that. He didn't want to date anyone. Except maybe...

"Hey."

Yamato set his bag down on the desk next to Tai's, and nodded. "Hey."

"How was science?"

Yamato looked at Tai, and the other boy grinned. "That bad?"

"As usual, that stupid bitch doesn't know how to teach a class."

"Now, now, Matt, that's not very nice."

"Tai, she's an idiot."

"She's a teacher."

"So?"

"So she's gotta know something you don't."

"Doesn't mean she's not an idiot." He leaned back in his chair and tilted his head up towards the ceiling. "She told us we're gonna have another quiz tomorrow."

"But that's like, what, seven? Eight? And it's only, like, two months into the year?"

"Yeah. I know. But Koushiro said he'd come over to my house after school to help me study."

If Yamato had been looking at Tai, he might have noticed his friend's eyes narrow and body tighten up. Of course, his attention was on the small pen mark on the ceiling. "Koushiro? But he's-" After a few seconds, Yamato glared at Tai. "But he's what?" "...short," Tai finished lamely.

Yamato smirked. "Look who's talking."

Tai sat forward and said, "Why couldn't you guys go to the library or something?"

"What for? My house is comfortable enough. I've got snacks and stuff." He looked at Tai suddenly. "Why? What's with you?"

"Nothing. Nothing's with me."

"Bullshit."

"Just, you know, we study all the time, but we're always at my house."

"Yeah, well, you have a better house than me. We've been over this."

"I just thought you weren't inviting anyone over to your house."

Yamato raised his voice slightly, getting angry. "Look, if it's that big of a deal, we can study at my house next time, okay?"

"No. It's not a big deal."

"Apparently it is, since you're being so anal about it."

"I am not being anal-"

"Oh please. You've never minded before."

"Like I said-"

"Gentlemen?"

Both of them stopped at the sudden intrusion. They looked at the front of the room, and saw the entire class staring at them. Their teacher simply looked at them, then back at the blackboard.

"If you know the material so well that you feel there is no need to listen, then please, by all means come up here and finish this problem for me."

"Oh, that's alright, sir, we didn't mean-"

"Yeah, we were just-"

"Oh, no. Please. I wouldn't want the students to be deprived of such a valuable learning experience."

Grumbling, they both stood and walked to the front of the room. Tai kicked Yamato front behind him, he couldn't retaliate without being obvious. Why didn't either of them realize class had started?

The problem was too complex for either of them, and after an astoundingly long minute the teacher let them both sit back down.

"Now, will you both please pay attention?"

They nodded, and class resumed. They would normally have passed notes back and forth, but they were both still too irritated to do anything more than glare at each other threateningly.

At the end of class, Tai turned to Yamato. "Look, Matt, it really doesn't matter to me where we go. Honestly, it doesn't. I was just surprised, is all. I didn't mean to be weird about it or anything. Sorry."

"Don't worry about it."

It was that easy. It had been that easy to solve arguments for a while now. The few arguments they had that were not solved with a sentence tended to be days, or even weeks long. Neither one wanted to repeat that, so they both tried not to fight. It was getting easier with each passing day to get along. Yamato was happy about that. He had first thought that Tai wouldn't even want him around as a friend. Later, he realized they were both too stubborn to get along sometimes. It took a lot of patience to not just yell at Tai every time they disagreed. But, as Yamato was learning, it was much nicer to joke around with Tai than to fight with him. The effort was well worth it.

After Algebra, Yamato had music class. It was a nice break from his day. He was learning how to play the guitar, and normally played for half the period. The other half was spent with a mini-choir, singing random songs to improve their voices. It was relaxing, and no one was judging how good he was. Therefore, Yamato felt at ease with singing however he wanted to.

He had study hall right before lunch. Yamato always slept during study hall. It was the only thing the class was good for.

Lunch was a welcome event by that point. He sat at a table with Taichi, Sora, and Jyou. At the beginning of the year, some of Tai's friends had wanted to sit with them, and every now and again they came back. Sora had one or two friends that dropped by sometimes, and Jyou had a freshman that adored him fro some mysterious reason. Jyou had finally told the kid that he liked sitting with only two or three people, and the kid had only come around about once a week after that. There were a number of girls who felt like they had to sit near Yamato, and so the tables surrounding them were almost always full. Not that Yamato cared, or even noticed. How could he notice all of those girls, when Tai was sitting right next to him?

He walked over to an empty table on the far side of the room. He always tried to sit near the windows whenever possible. Staring out of windows was an old pastime for Yamato, and there were days when he really wasn't able to make conversation with anyone. Sometimes, it was just easier to linger on painful thoughts than try to think of cheerful things to say. He hated the way that some people put on a façade of happiness. He did it himself, and it was just one more thing to dislike about himself.

Yamato dropped his book bag in a chair that faced the window. He untied the front and grabbed a few dollars out of his wallet. His father always gave him some money for school lunch. It was one thing he didn't feel guilty about asking for, since if he didn't buy lunch he would have to get up even earlier to make something.

He walked to the front of the cafeteria and got in line. There were already a number of people there, and he only barely noticed the conversations that were going on around him. He picked out the only thing that looked completely dead, and paid quickly.

Back at the table, Jyou had already sat down across from Yamato's seat. Jyou tended to bring his own lunch, since he was allergic to basically everything the school offered.

Yamato put down his tray and shoved his bag off of his chair. Jyou looked up from trying to open his carton of juice.

"Hey, Matt. How are you?" Jyou asked.

Yamato grabbed the carton out of his hands and opened it. He pushed it back towards Jyou before replying. "Fine. You?"

"Thanks."

"Not a problem. You really should get a container or something for that."

"I'll get it one of these days. How was biology?"

"A pain in the neck." Yamato rolled his eyes and leaned back. "Like always."

Jyou looked at him over the rim of his glasses. "It can be fun, you know. If you'd only-"

"Sure, Jyou."

Jyou pushed his glasses up his nose and began to cut the crust off of his sandwich. "All you need is someone to help you with it. You should be passing."

"I know that. Koushiro's coming over to my place today after school to go over some stuff. That stupid bitch is giving us a quiz tomorrow."

"Matt."

Yamato glared at him. "What? She's a bitch, okay? Either that, or I'm too stupid to get it."

"You're not stupid."

"Well, then-"

"Not like Tai."

"What happened?" The afore-mentioned brunette pulled out the chair next to Yamato and sat down. He was keenly aware of the way Tai's leg brushed his as the older boy sat down. He tried not to blush, but only blushed harder when Tai next spoke.

"Matt, what's wrong? Are you sick? Your face is all red." Tai looked so concerned that Yamato blushed even more. Tai reached out and put his hand over Yamato's forehead. "You don't feel warm..."

Yamato pulled his head away and stammered, "I-I'm fine, Tai. Just tired, I guess."

Tai narrowed his eyes, but let it drop. Yamato sighed in relief.

"Well, let me know if you feel sick."

"Fine, Tai. Whatever." Yamato took a drink before adding, "The only thing that'll make me sick is that stupid quiz tomorrow."

"Oh. The one Koushiro's helping you with, right?"

Yamato heard the change in Tai's voice and looked over to see the other boy frowning. "Just drop it already, Tai. It's no big deal. Really."

"Drop what?"

"Tai."

Jyou suddenly started coughing. His hands flailed out and he was gasping for breath. He suddenly began hitting himself in his chest until his breathing calmed down. Rotating his neck, he took a loud breath. When he looked back up, both Yamato and Taichi were staring at him.

Jyou laughed a little and cleared his throat. "Uh, sorry. A piece of bread got stuck in my throat."

Tai smiled and Yamato groaned. Before either could reply, Sora came up to them and sat down in the seat next to Jyou.

"Hey, guys."

Jyou eyed her and frowned. "You're way too happy to be in school."

She smiled and proudly held up a piece of paper. "Read it and be amazed. One hundred on my Algebra test."

Tai's mouth dropped, and he snatched the paper out of her hands. "Gimme that." He lifted it up and began to carefully scrutinize it. Scowling, he handed it back to her. "How did you get a hundred when I only got a s-"

"A what?" Yamato asked, amused. "I'm sorry, I couldn't quite hear you."

"Oh, shut up. My math teacher doesn't know how to count, anyway."

"Ah, yes, now I see why you're always so moody in math. Because our teacher can't count. Yes, why didn't I notice that before?"

"Oh, yeah? Well, I don't see you getting A's on your tests, Matt!"

"Boys, boys." Sora waved a hand about in the air, as if to command silence. "Please keep in mind that as a woman I have a distinct advantage over all of you."

"Oh please-"

"That's not-"

"Woman, my ass-"

"Excuse me, Matt? Did I just hear you imply something?" Sora looked at Yamato quizzically, batting her eyelashes.

"Yeah, I think you did."

"Well, I don't see any reason to continue this conversation." Sora stood up and pointed at Tai. "You. Come with me to get lunch."

Tai shrugged and stood up. Yamato narrowed his eyes at him. Tai looked back and said, "What?"

Yamato shook his head and watched as Tai and Sora went off to the lunch line. Or, to be more accurate, he watched Tai walk away from him. That boy always wore loose clothes, and Yamato was so fascinated by the ripples the movement caused that he didn't realize Jyou was trying to talk to him.

"Matt? Yamato? Hello?"

"Hmm?"

Jyou scowled at him. "You should pay attention when people are speaking to you, Matt."

Yamato looked at him and blinked. "Did you want something?"

"Nothing in particular."

"Well, then, thanks for interrupting me for no reason whatsoever. Really, thanks a lot."

"Don't mention it."

"Jyou. Learn the art of sarcasm."

Yamato let Jyou puzzle that one out alone while he continued to eat. He noticed when the tables around them started to fill up, and saw where the girls who normally stalked him were. Close by, as always. A few guys from Tai's team came over and looked at Yamato.

"Whatever," he said, indicating that they could there if they wanted. They took that as an affirmative, and filled up almost all of the empty seats at the table. One by one the new guys began to take out their lunches to eat, or to walk up and buy something. It didn't really bother Yamato or Jyou. Both were used to how popular Tai was, and they knew that if they were sitting at a table separate from the team, Tai would sit with them. They knew this because it had happened before. The following day, the team had waited until Tai sat down to follow him to his table. Yamato, Jyou, and Sora had a much stronger bond with Tai as Digi-destined than he had with his teammates.

Tai and Sora came back carrying trays of food, and sat down at the now-crowded table. Two of Sora's friends came up and took the empty seat next to her, and then their table was filled.

Sora began to talk with her friends about a new movie they were planning on seeing that night. The soccer team talked about strategy for their big game that weekend, a conversation which Tai eagerly joined. Yamato looked up at Jyou, but the other boy was studying some textbook that looked way too complicated.

So, Yamato contented himself with staring out the window. It had been a good thing, then, that he had chosen this table. Otherwise he would have had nothing to do all period. He finished his meal quietly and stared out at the sky. There were no clouds that day, and his eyes wandered over the blue depths of the sky as his mind wandered over the final plans for Takeru's meal that night. Linguine would probably be best. They hadn't had it in a while, and he could make two or three types of sauces. TK could just pick the one he liked the most.

He never wanted TK to not like the dinner he had made. If his little brother didn't like something, Yamato would remember to not make it again when his brother was visiting. It was very important to him to keep TK occupied and entertained. People were so easily bored when they were with him. Yamato knew and accepted that. But he didn't want TK to be bored when he came over. He wanted to be a good role model, and for TK to have fun when he visited. If he stopped having fun, he would stop visiting. There was no other reason why anyone would want to be with him. If he couldn't give them something for it, why would someone want to spend time with him? Everyone who got near him eventually stopped wanting to be near him. He just had to let TK have as much fun as he could before that happened, which would hopefully slow down the day when they would stop meeting. Hopefully.

Yamato felt a warm hand brush against his leg, and looked over quickly. Tai was still talking with his teammates, but he had let his hand drop underneath the table so that it hung next to Yamato's leg. Yamato moved his leg a little, and he felt Tai's fingers slide softly over his pants. When Tai didn't move his hand, Yamato did it again. He loved the feeling of Tai so close to him. It was intoxicating.

He didn't realize he was blushing until Tai looked over at him and frowned. "Matt?" Tai lifted his hand and touched Yamato lightly on the shoulder. "Are you sure you're feeling alright?"

Mentally cursing himself, Yamato nodded. "It's hot in here, is all. Don't worry about it."

"You were tired, now you're hot?"

"Yeah. But, it's probably just from stress." At Tai's worried look, Yamato searched his mind for a reason. Why did he have to always say things that got him deeper in trouble instead of out of it? "Ah, you know, from the quiz. Biology. Tomorrow."

One of the guys from Tai's team chuckled. "Those damn science quizzes would give anyone stress." The rest of the team laughed, and Yamato realized they had been listening to him. Damn it. Ever since the team had realized that Yamato and Tai were best friends, they started to pay attention to him. He didn't want that. It was easier to be left alone. Tai deserved to be in the spotlight, not him.

Tai nodded, but didn't look entirely convinced. "You know, you can tell me if it's something else."

No, he couldn't. He couldn't tell Tai if it was something else. At least, not this time. "Yeah, Tai, I know." He shrugged off Tai's hand, regretting the move as soon as he did it. "I'm fine. Why do you always worry about me so much?" He had meant the question rhetorically, so when Tai answered it he didn't know what to say.

"Because you need it. And I care about you. If you get sick, I'll be worried about you. You know that."

Yamato didn't really notice the silence that had descended upon the table. All he noticed was the way Tai was looking at him. His brown eyes seemed to be expressing genuine concern, and it was... different. Nice. They held each others gaze for a few moments until Yamato looked down. What was Tai doing? He was being really sweet. Why? It was confusing, and he didn't know what to do about it.

So, he nodded and looked down at the table. But Tai was still looking at him, and Yamato couldn't help but fidget under the intense scrutiny.

"Are you sure you're-"

Yamato looked up at him and let a hint of exasperation slip through in his voice. "Tai. I'm sure." He knew he was still blushing. When he imagined that even his ears had gone red, he grimaced. God, he hoped he wasn't that far gone yet.

"I don't believe you."

"Well, Tai, what do you want me to do about that?" Yamato asked, sighing. "If you don't believe me, it's just because you're too stupid to get it."

"See? You're getting defensive. You always get like that when you're hiding something."

Yamato growled. "Enough! Think what you want. I don't care."

Tai took another bite of his lunch and glared at Yamato. "Fine. I will."

"Fine by me."

"Come on now, guys," Sora said, intervening. "Don't fight. Tai's only trying to help, Matt."

"Yeah, some help he is."

Tai's face dropped at Yamato's careless words, and Sora sighed.

"Tai, don't pay attention to Matt. He's just being himself. You know he cares about you. Otherwise, he'd just ignore you." When both of them remained silent, she spoke again. "Why do you guys always fight? It's getting old."

Jyou nodded. "I agree completely. You guys are best friends, there's no reason to fight anymore. After all, aren't there better things you could be doing right now? Like studying?"

Tai snorted. "Or eating."

"Big surprise," Yamato muttered.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means you always think about food. I thought that was pretty obvious."

"Well, maybe you should take Jyou's advice. It'll save Koushiro a trip to your house."

Yamato snorted. "I can't believe you're still going on about that."

"It's your fault."

"What do you know? You're only five feet tall," Yamato replied. But he was smiling, and Tai didn't miss the change in his voice. But a good fight was still a good fight, and sometimes it was nice to throw insults at someone who wouldn't take offense.

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Besides, you play the harmonica!"

"What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing. If you're DEAF!"

"Idiot."

"Moron."

"Brainless."

"Blondie."

"Spike-head."

"Pretty boy."

But by now, both were laughing too much to continue. Sora smiled and continued eating, while Jyou nodded to himself. The rest of the table, however, remained confused as to what had just happened.

Tai finally stifled his laughter and looked at Yamato seriously. "I'm serious, Matt. If you ever need something, call me. I'll be there."

Yamato looked at Tai and smiled. "I know. Same here, man."

They did a complex handshake that had been invented one long Saturday afternoon last summer. That sealed their promise.

The rest of lunch passed by rather quickly, and soon Yamato found himself in sixth period art class. He wasn't much of an artist, and as a result frequently found himself making rather odd looking sculptures. The last he had made resembled a blob. Come to think of it, the one before that one had resembled a blob too. In fact, most of Yamato's sculptures resembled blobs. That might have been why the teacher never really bothered with teaching him any advanced techniques. Which was fine with him. It was more fun to try and make a sculpture of Tai, although it ended up looking like a Tai-blob.

Seventh period came too quickly. Yamato hated physical education. There was no particular reason for his hatred of the class, it just existed. The thing he really hated was getting changed in the locker room. He was very self-conscious of how thin he was.

Tai greeted him when he walked in. Their lockers were right next to each other, which Yamato alternately liked and disliked. He had to admit that it was to watch Tai change into his gym clothes. He had a wonderful body, probably from all the soccer he played. Plus, Tai didn't seem to mind having entire conversations with his shirt off. Another benefit. Of course, the downside was that Tai watched him change. Yamato was always aware that Tai would sneak a glance at him, and it made the blonde boy uncomfortable. He knew Tai was curious about how thin he really was. But the brunette had never asked, and Yamato had never felt the need to start a conversation about it. He assumed the issue would come up sooner or later. Preferably later, since he had no idea about what he would say to Tai about it. Yamato ate, but he never felt like eating a lot. It had always been that way, and he saw nothing wrong with it.

A sudden, horrible thought crossed his mind. If he and Tai ever actually got together, would Tai be turned off by him? He had never allowed himself to think of Tai and him that way before, but now that the idea was there he couldn't turn it away. Would Tai be disgusted by how thin he was? He certainly hoped not. Then again, he thought miserably, that situation would most likely never present itself to him.

"Hey, Matt? You okay?"

He had been spacing out, again, and Tai had caught on. His friend was getting quicker at catching things like that.

"Yeah. Just spacing."

"Oh. Well, you might want to finish getting changed before class starts."

He blushed when he realized that he had been standing there with his shirt off. He hurried to put his gym clothes on, and didn't notice the way Tai's eyes followed his movements, or the faint blush that crossed his cheeks soon after.

They went out to the gym together, and waited for their teacher to come out. Gym teachers tended to be flexible in when they appeared in class. You could be five minutes late to class and the teacher might not even be there yet. Of course, you could be two minutes early and the teacher might yell at you for your tardiness. It was, on the whole, better to be too early than late. Making up a late in gym generally meant running around the track a twenty times after school. No one wanted that, especially this time of year when the whether was getting colder.

Their teacher finally made an appearance, and announced they would be playing dodge ball. They had been playing it for the past week, and their teacher thought it would be fun to have a tournament of some kind. Of course, not everyone agreed with him. Yamato in particular didn't like the game at all. Tai, of course, loved it. Not as much as soccer, although he had once said that dodge ball was fun in ways that soccer wasn't. Yamato didn't really know what he meant by that. But if Tai was happy, he would suffer through it without complaining. Much.

Yamato groaned. "Again?"

Tai grinned. "Of course! The tournament's not over yet!"

Trust Tai to get excited over a dodge ball tournament in phys ed. Yamato rolled his eyes, and Tai poked him in the side.

"Aww, come on, Matt. It'll be fun!"

"Yeah. Right. Fun."

They separated into two different teams. The first day both Tai and Yamato had been on the same team, but after that the teacher had separated them. They worked too well together that it didn't seem fair to the other team. Both boys were strong, quick, and agile. Yamato, from being so thin and years of street fighting. Tai, probably from playing soccer so much as well as fighting. They also read each other too well. Even if they were on different sides of the gym, if one of them threw a ball without making any signals, the other would catch it. They could develop strategies for playing without saying so much as a whole sentence, and Tai had remarkable leadership qualities. Some people wondered where they had learned to work so well together, but both knew that without the time they had spent in the Digiworld they would still be fighting without getting anything done. After an experience like that, though, it was easy for them to tell what each other was thinking. If they had to yell to each other what they were planning to do in the middle of a battle with some strong digimon, they would have been killed. The skills they learned inevitably turned up in other action situations. Of course, since there weren't many evil beings to defeat, gym class was the next best thing.

They were put on opposing teams, and the game started soon after. It wasn't very interesting, as far as dodge ball went, except for the fact that both Yamato and Tai never got hit. They might have been able to hit each other, but since neither would ever even think of hurting the other, it was out of the question. They were, however, all over the field trying to win and tag people from the other team. By the end of the period, both were so exhausted that the teacher's whistle sounded more like a choir of angels singing than the sharp, piercing sound they were used to.

Yamato dragged himself back into the locker room and looked at the bench. He sat down heavily. Tai flopped down next to him a moment later.

"That... was rough," Tai said. He was smiling, though, and Yamato knew once again that he'd never be able to understand Tai's love of sports.

Yamato nodded agreement and ran a hand through his hair. It was lightly soaked with sweat, and he made a face. "Ugh. I need a shower."

"You're telling me," Tai said, laughing. "You're practically dripping."

"Ugh."

Yamato stood up and opened his locker, quickly changing into his school clothes. Once he was done, he looked back at Tai. The brunette was sitting on the bench, staring at him. Yamato blushed at the attention.

"What?" he asked, narrowing his eyes.

Tai smiled. "Nothing."

Yamato threw his dirty shirt at him. Tai caught it and threw it back.

"Come on, get changed." Yamato took his clothes and shoved them in his backpack. He needed to put them in the laundry once he got home. "I'm not waiting for you after the bell rings."

"Alright, alright."

Once the bell rang, they walked to eighth period English together. Their teacher was nice enough, even if he was kind of... eccentric. He tended to go into detail about every aspect of a story, and then give a detailed account of one of his many memorable experiences that may or may not have anything to do with the topic. The tests were so easy that it was hard to complain, and he always managed to get the class to laugh. It was a good way to end the day, and Yamato was glad he had a nice last period class. Of course, Tai sitting next to him only added to the greatness of that class.

He sat down and took out his notebook. They were going over "Romeo and Juliet", which seemed to be standard for almost every high school freshman class. Tai had laughed at the choice. Of course, he had absolutely no interest in Shakespeare at all. Yamato, however, thought all of Shakespeare's plays were good. Even if he didn't fully understand everything all the time, he got the basic concept out of each scene. The stories were great, and the characters were realistic. Tai was just uncultured.

The teacher immediately began to discuss Act 2. They were supposed to read all of it for next week, when they would be tested on it. Yamato had finished it two days ago, and spent the class period zoning. Tai, however, had done absolutely no work whatsoever, and also spent the period zoning. The difference was sure to show up on their tests next week.

"Mr. Yagami?"

"Huh?" Tai's head jolted up when he heard his name being called. "Y-Yes?"

"What have I just said?"

"Mr. Yagami," Tai answered immediately. Yamato snorted and the rest of the class laughed.

The teacher's eyes sparkled and he smiled. "Very good. Not the answer I was looking for, but correct nonetheless. Which reminds me of my brother-in- law. Have I ever told you guys the story of how he met my sister?"

The class answered no, the teacher began his story, and Taichi was saved. Yamato kicked him in the leg, and Tai looked over. He grinned sheepishly, and Yamato rolled his eyes. The blonde scribbled something on a note, and passed it over to Tai. Tai opened it and read 'You got lucky.' He wrote back in response and handed it to Yamato. 'It's all good.'

The teacher eventually got back to his original topic, but by then there were only seven minutes left in class. They finished the review for the test, and as the last bell of the day rang the teacher reminded his class to study.

"Hallelujah!" Tai shouted as he walked to his locker. "I thought that class was never gonna end!"

"If you'd pay attention, it would go faster."

"Look who's talking."

"I already read it," Yamato informed him.

Tai looked at him incredulously. "ALL of it?"

"No, Tai. Only the first two words. I used my mental powers to beam the rest directly into my mind."

"I wish I could do that."

"I'm just talented like that. Don't be too jealous."

"Hey, Matt!"

Yamato looked ahead and saw Koushiro standing by his locker, waving. He glanced over at Tai and saw the brunette turn away slightly.

"Well, Matt, guess I'll see you later."

"Tai-"

"It's cool. Don't worry about it."

But as Tai walked away, Yamato called out, "We still on for tomorrow?"

Tai turned around and smiled. "You bet."

Yamato nodded and turned around. He took out his science book and notebook from his locker, looked at them angrily, then shoved them into his book bag. Koushiro raised his eyebrows at this, but wisely made no comment.

"You ready?" Yamato asked.

"Affirmative. I brought along my textbook and extensive notes, in case we needed them."

"Come on, then."

~*~*~*~*~*~


	2. Tedious

They began walking towards Yamato's house, but it wasn't as comfortable as it had been with Tai. Koushiro was nice enough, and they made conversation alright, but it sure was different than walking with Tai.

Yamato took out his key when they got to his house, and opened the door quickly.

"Do you want something?" he asked. Koushiro looked thoughtful, then asked for a glass of water. "Give me a minute. Make yourself comfortable."

Yamato left Koushiro in the living room and walked over to the kitchen. He got out two glasses, filling one with water and the other with soda. He needed caffeine if he was going to be studying science. He brought both glasses with him into the living room, and gave the water to Koushiro.

"Thanks."

"No problem."

"So," Koushiro looked around. "Your house seems quaint."

"Quaint?"

Koushiro nodded. "Very lived-in and comfortable."

Yamato snorted. "Whatever."

Koushiro wisely stopped that conversation, and moved on to something else. "So, where do you want to study?"

Yamato thought for a moment. "I don't know."

"Your room?"

He shook his head. "No way."

"Okay. How about here?"

"Alrig- oh. Wait. No, we should go to the kitchen."

"The kitchen?"

"Yeah. I've got to start making dinner." Yamato felt like kicking himself for his foolishness. If he didn't start now, there was no way he would ever be able to be finished by the time TK got there later that night. "It's got to be ready by six thirty."

"Oh, yeah. Well, let's go."

Koushiro left his book bag in the living room, bringing the text, his notes, and the glass of water with him into the kitchen. He sat down at the table across from the stove, and watched as Yamato placed his glass down next to his notes. The blonde, however, didn't sit down. He began to gather various pots and pans from around the kitchen, and put some water on to boil. Koushiro watched him as he measured some spices and looked through his refrigerator.

"Prodigious."

"What?" Yamato asked, still busy with gathering the contents of his dinner.

"You're amazing. I've never seen someone cook like this."

Yamato shrugged, and replied, "Yeah, well, it's really no big deal."

Koushiro shook his head, which Yamato didn't see. "No, Matt, it's a talent that I, personally, will never possess."

Yamato cleared his throat and looked over at Koushiro. The younger boy noticed a faint blush creeping over the blonde's nose. "Well, can we get started? I'm kind of in a hurry."

"Of course. Now, let's start with cell division."

Koushiro began to question Yamato about everything he could think of. Yamato would sometimes be correct, and other times be so completely wrong that Koushiro had to sigh. Koushiro, however, was not upset that he had come. On the contrary, he was interested in the way Yamato lived. As they studied, Yamato began the meal he had planned for his little brother. He would think about each and every question Koushiro gave him without making a mistake in his preparations, which led the smaller boy to believe that Yamato had done this many times before. Once the meal was left to cook, Koushiro thought that Yamato would sit down with him to study. But Yamato simply asked Koushiro to move into the living room, and he began to clean. Still answering Koushiro's questions, Yamato polished, dusted, swept, and at one point vacuumed, quickly apologizing to Koushiro for the noise.

Koushiro was amazed. He had heard that Yamato's father was away a lot on business, but he figured 'a lot' meant two or three times a month. He must have miscalculated by a huge number if Yamato was as skilled as he was in taking care of household affairs.

"Why don't we take a break?" Koushiro asked suddenly. The food was still cooking, and they had been studying for over an hour. Yamato nodded and gestured towards Koushiro's glass.

"Do you want more? Or something to eat?"

"No, no, I'm fine." Just shocked and amazed, but somehow Koushiro didn't think Yamato would appreciate his opinion.

After a few moments of silence, Koushiro asked, "Hey, Matt? Can I see your room?"

Yamato shrugged. "It's kind of messy."

"I don't care."

Yamato shrugged, and muttered, "Whatever." He led Koushiro farther back into his house, and opened the door to his room.

Koushiro stopped and looked. The walls were covered with posters of what he guessed were some type of varying music groups. Every piece of furniture was slightly unkempt, but Koushiro thought it looked better that way. Yamato having a neat room would have been too much for him to handle. He noticed the short bed, and turned around to look at Yamato. Yes, the blonde boy was as tall as he remembered. That bed was too short for him. He saw the stereo in the corner, and the mound of CDs lying next to it. That was also what he expected from Yamato. Then, he looked over at the pictures just above the other boy's desk.

"What's this?" Koushiro asked.

"Oh. Just some pictures," Yamato answered, not really bothering with explaining.

Of course, the pictures didn't need explaining. They were all pretty clear. He noticed that in the middle was a picture of Taichi and Yamato laughing at something. A photo of the entire group of digi-destined and their digimon was to one side of the picture, and to the other side was a picture of Yamato and Takeru sleeping under a tree. Other pictures of the digi- destined, Yamato's father, Gabumon, Takeru, Tai, and more were strewn about around those three in a haphazard fashion. Koushiro was somehow not surprised to find the pictures arranged like this, although he was sure Tai would be.

"They're very nice," Koushiro said, and looked over to find Yamato looking away.

"Yeah, well. You good?"

Koushiro nodded, and Yamato let him walk out of the room first. Koushiro heard the door close firmly, and smiled slightly.

"So, shall we go back to studying?" Koushiro asked.

"Can't wait."

"Sure."

They moved back into the kitchen once Yamato said that he needed to finish making the meal. Koushiro went over everything until he was certain that Yamato would pass. He reviewed everything one final time before standing up.

"Well, it looks like you're ready."

"Yeah. You think so, and I think so, but that stupid bitch won't think so."

"Matt."

"Just wait. I'll fail this one, too."

"With an attitude like that, of course! Just think positive. It can't be all bad."

"Easy for you to say."

Koushiro sighed and shook his head. He gathered up his text and notebook, walked back into the living room, and put them away in his backpack.

"Well, I should get going," he said. "It's almost six thirty."

Yamato looked up at the clock. "I didn't even realize. It's a good thing I started dinner early."

"See you tomorrow, Matt."

"Yeah. Later, Koushiro."

Once he had left, Yamato ran back into the kitchen to finish making dinner. He would have to hurry if he wanted to have everything done by the time Takeru got there. His hands moved almost without him thinking about it, and he vaguely wondered if he could ever become a chef if the whole music thing didn't work out.

Of course, that was an option he hadn't even thought about before. He was always so focused on his music, even though he still hadn't found a band. He was still too young. He needed some more training, everyone had told him. After all, what band in their right mind would hire a fourteen-year- old kid?

Which was probably the closest thing to truth Yamato ever expected to get out of those managers. They all seemed very self-centered, and completely interested in making money. Almost as if making music had little to no importance to them whatsoever. How they could survive in the music industry with a mindset like that was beyond me, but what could be done about it? People needed jobs, and bands needed managers. It worked out in some twisted little corner of the universe. He was sure of it.

Probably the same part of the universe that had managed to let Yamato learn to cook so well. Maybe if he wasn't so meticulous it wouldn't have mattered. But, with him at least, every speck of dust had to be gone, every fork had to be shiny, just as every hair on his head had to be perfectly placed. It might be meticulous, or just obsessive, but he didn't mind. Not in the least. Having something there to take his mind off whatever was going on around him was actually quite good.

Especially at times like these. Times when he was absolutely sure that Takeru would walk through that door, look at him with disgust, and walk right back out. Times when he had complicated Biology facts and figures running through his head, with an accompaniment of a never-ending repetition of the last song he had heard on the radio. Times when he felt like he should be somewhere else, anywhere else, rather than right where he was. Times when he wished Taichi would hold him, and whisper unknown phrases in his ear. Times when he wished he didn't wished that. Times when he knew it was all he had to hold on to, really.

A loud buzzing caught Yamato off guard. Luckily, while his mind had been wandering, his hands had completed the set-up for dinner. Every thing was set, and he didn't even remember doing it. That worried him, but not enough to keep Takeru waiting any longer than he absolutely had to.

"Hold on!" Yamato shouted, and double-checked to make sure everything was in order. He ran to the door seconds later, and opened it breathing a little heavier than normal.

If Takeru noticed, he didn't say anything. Yamato thought it best not to look like he had just ran to meet his little brother. It probably wasn't the sort of thing that a normal older brother did. He was supposed to be cool. Cool people didn't go chasing around after their younger siblings. Then again, cool people didn't really cook or clean either, so Yamato figured he had broken some of the cardinal rules of being cool long before he had known they existed.

"Hi, Matt," Takeru said.

"Hey," he replied, stepping aside to let Takeru take his shoes off. "What's up?"

"Not much." He dropped lazily onto the couch and sighed. "You?"

Yamato raised an eyebrow. "Nothing nearly as enticing as my couch, apparently."

Takeru laughed, a faintly masculine sound that still felt gentle. Yamato wondered, not for the first time, how he could pull it off. His own voice had lost its gentleness long ago.

"Sorry, but you don't know the day I had today!"

"Well, tell me about it."

Takeru glanced up at Yamato. He belatedly realized that he was still wearing oven mitts. He took them off quickly and threw them onto a nearby chair.

"You sure?"

"Ummm... let me think," he answered slowly, allowing the sarcasm to drip out of his voice. "No, actually I don't want to hear about your day."

Takeru grinned and shrugged. "Fine, but you did ask for it."

"I've taken on several hordes of evil digimon bent on destroying the world. What could you possibly have to say that could be any worse than that?"

"Oh, just you wait."

"I am."

"Well, it's worth it."

Yamato picked up the oven mitts and walked towards the kitchen. He noticed Takeru following him, and was relieved. It was easy to play the role of the older brother. Too easy. Takeru needed someone there to talk to, to confide in. Yamato was that person. Takeru had told Yamato about when he'd first realized that he loved Hikari, and when she first told him she felt the same. He smiled at the memory. It was good that they had gotten together. Taichi and him had talked about it, and they both agreed that they wanted their younger siblings to be happy. They were happy. That's what mattered.

The brothers sat down at the table and began to eat. Yamato was instantly nervous of how Takeru would react, but the younger boy's face glowed when he took his first bite.

"Man, Matt," Takeru said once he had swallowed. "It's amazing you can cook this well."

"You like it?" he asked, trying to sound uninterested.

"I love it. You know I love it." Takeru tapped his fork against his plate once, then sighed. "I always like everything you make, Matt."

He nodded absently, and began to eat. Inwardly, he was jumping for joy. It was going to be another successful meal. One more day with Takeru. Thank god.

"So, like I was saying, Matt, today was a really crazy day! My English teacher was completely out of it. We were supposed to hand in these reports, but he forgot that they were due. So, at the end of the day, there's an announcement for our class to go back to his room. We all trudge there, you know- cause who wanted to go back? And then, get this- he gets mad at US! As if we were the ones who had someone made him forget that the papers were due today. So he decides he's going to give us another paper, just as an excuse to punish us. And do you know what the topic is?" He didn't wait for an answer. "Explain the hardest thing you've ever done, and why. I mean, come on! Can you believe that? How am I supposed to even come close to describing anything worse than the digital world? I mean, that was the hardest thing I've ever done, after all, and I just can't see how he could-"

Yamato nodded every now and again, just to let Takeru know that his mind hadn't wandered off. But, his attention slowly drifted away from the conversation. He found himself once again in the midst of random thoughts. Would Takeru listen to him if he spoke for that long? Maybe, but his own attention span had always been longer than Takeru's. Would his dad listen to him? Didn't matter- there was never the time. Would Taichi listen to him? Yes. Oh, yes. He knew with certainty that no matter how stupid or foolish he sounded, Tai would never phase him out. Even though Yamato had ignored Taichi before, that treatment would never be returned. Even knowing the thought struck him as odd. Why would he know such a thing? Taichi was his best friend. He would stand by him through everything, but maybe not put up with everything.

Yet somehow he knew that to be untrue. Taichi would put up with just about anything if it came from Yamato. As long as it was on the basis of being friends. They could never go any farther than that, but they would be damn good friends. The most important people in each other's lives. Well, he wasn't sure how important Taichi thought he was, but he knew Taichi was right up there with Takeru and Gabumon.

Did Taichi know that? Did he know how much he meant to Yamato? Did he know that the thought of losing his best friend made Yamato sick? If he knew, what did he think? Could he-

"MATT!!"

"Huh?" Yamato asked, blinking rapidly. Takeru was staring at him as if he'd been trying to get his attention for a while. Shit. That meant that he'd spaced out, and in front of his brother too.

"Are you okay now?" Takeru asked, which was the completely wrong question for him to be asking.

"Yeah, sorry. I just sort of... I mean, I was... well," Yamato stuttered, then stopped. Sighed. "I don't know what I was doing."

Takeru sighed, mimicking his older brother. "It's okay. Don't worry about it."

Which of course made Yamato worry even more.

"No, I'm really sorry, TK."

"Matt, it's fine."

"I totally ignored you. How can that be fine?"

"Honestly. I don't mind."

"..."

"Matt."

"TK."

"I'm telling you for the last time. It's okay."

"Well, if you're sure-"

"For crying out loud, yes! I'm sure! Okay?"

A tense silence followed at the table. Both brothers had thoughts flash through their minds, though neither knew what to do about any of them. Before either had a chance to speak up, the phone rang.

"Be right back," Yamato said dully, and got up to answer the phone. By the time he got there, he was irritated enough to shout into the phone. "What?!"

"Whoa, there. Did I call at a bad time?"

Yamato sighed, leaned back against the doorframe, and gave Takeru a signal that said he'd be a minute. "No, dad. It's just TK's over."

"Oh, yeah, that's right. It's Thursday, isn't it?"

"Yeah."

"I must've lost track of the days."

"You must have."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Look, is there any particular reason for this phone call? I really do enjoy the stimulating conversation, but I'm afraid I'll have to talk to you when you get back if you haven't lost an arm or anything."

"About me getting back..."

Yamato felt himself go dull on the inside. He heard himself as if from a far away distance, "Uh huh?"

"Well, you know I always look forward to spending Thanksgiving with you, but I just-"

"But Thanksgiving's two weeks away."

"I know. They're having me stay here until the first week of December."

"..."

"Yamato, I know-"

"No, it's alright."

"I'm really sorry. I tried to get back earlier, but-"

"Yeah, well, won't be the first holiday you missed, right?" He had meant it as a joke, but it had come out sounding tired and defeated. He hardly recognized his own voice.

"..."

"..."

"You could always go to your mother's."

"Thanks, dad. See you later."

And he hung up. Just like that. No warnings, or waiting for a good-bye in return.

He didn't let the thought sink in. He wouldn't let it sink in until after Takeru had left. He had already messed up this dinner enough. He'd have to leave any highly embarrassing emotional outbursts for later.

Right now, though, all he wanted to do was spend time with the only family he had left.

"Matt?"

"... Yeah, TK?"

"Matt, what's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Matt."

"Nothing's wrong, TK."

"Who was on the phone?"

"Dad."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Isn't he somewhere in... somewhere by now?"

"Yeah. That's a good way to put it. Somewhere in somewhere."

"What'd he want?"

"Not much." He didn't want to lie to his brother. A half-truth would have to do.

"He called you out of the blue?"

"I don't really know why he called me." Which was the truth. He knew Takeru would take it the wrong way, but it was still a true statement. There had been other years that he had spent holidays waiting for his father, only to have him come the next day, or two days after the fact- apologizing the whole way, of course. Why had he called this time?

"Oh."

"Yeah. So..."

"And you're sure you're alright?"

Yamato smiled wearily, and answered, "I'm fine, TK."

"Okay, well then, pass the bread."

Yamato laughed, and then Takeru followed. Their voices mingled together for the rest of the night, talking lively about anything besides what was on their minds. The night ended quickly, and soon Takeru was out the door, with a promise to return in a week.

Yamato began to clear up the dishes, and he turned on the hot water. The faucet made a loud squeaking noise, but after banging it several times, he made it work alright.

In fact, everything was alright. Everything was fine. He wasn't going to have a breakdown. He was just going to sit in a quiet corner by himself, and stare at the wall for a few hours. Yes, that was what he would do. Just after he finished doing the dishes.

They were kind of fun, actually, once you thought about it. He could really concentrate on them and not think about anything else at all. Especially when there were really tough stains on them. Then, he could scrub and scrub and scrub and scrub to his heart's content, and all would be well. So he scrubbed. The little object felt odd and squishy in his hand, and he immediately began to put more dishwasher detergent on it. It was getting too dirty. It needed more detergent. So he put more on it. Because it was getting too dirty, and it needed more.

He dropped the dish and didn't care that it scattered into sharp pieces all across the floor. He didn't care that when he fell to the ground, his knees would be on those pieces. Nor did he care about the small dent he made in the cabinet when he banged his head against it. Once, twice, three, four times. It was easier to just not think about it. It was always easier to not think about it. He hated thinking about it. It was always there, though. It never left him alone. He didn't even really know what it was. He just knew that it was there, and he hated it.

The small pieces embedded themselves into his skin slowly. Almost as if they weren't quite sure of their welcome, and might be hastily evacuated at any given time. But they would be safe, at least for the time being. No one would order them gone, or even try to pick them out slowly one by one.

His hands fell to the floor, and he pounded down on it with all his might. The fragile pieces shattered further under his fists, and he knew he'd have a mess to clean up later on. Well, at least he'd be able to do something about this, unlike everything else that had managed to go wrong in the past few hours.

Scrambling to his feet, he finished the dishes. Put them away. Washed the table down. Made sure everything was in its proper place. Only once he was sure his feet were numb enough that he wouldn't feel anything else that night, he got a broom and a dustpan and swept every small traitorous piece up. He threw them away, and replaced the cleaning supplies.

He walked to his bedroom door, turning off lights as he went. The front door was already locked, and his paranoid mind would never let him forget that. As he closed his door behind him, he made an unintelligible sound. Somewhere between a scream of frustration or outrage and a moan of despair. He was glad no one else was around. Crying in front of people was something he hated doing. So it was a good thing he was alone.

He didn't think he could stop the tears even if he wanted to.

~*~*~*~*~*~

When he woke up the next morning, his first thought was that his bed had never been this hard before. Then, he realized he had fallen asleep on the floor. He tried to push himself up. His hands and feet both protested, and he had a second to wonder why before he fell to the floor.

"What the...," he muttered to himself. He turned his palms up and saw small red marks dotting both hands. He got the distinct impression that he had missed something rather important. Then it all came flooding back to him. He closed his eyes with the impact, and blew his messy hair out of his face. He had gone and torn up his feet, too, hadn't he? He just knew it would hurt to walk today.

Mentally kicking himself, he grabbed onto the nearby door handle and tugged himself upright. It was a strain not because of his weight, but because his hands did not want to grip the door handle and his feet did not want to touch the floor.

He hobbled over to the bathroom, cursing himself every step of the way. His own stupidity never ceased to amaze him. He grabbed at a box of band-aids and began to inspect his feet. After a minute of no decision, he randomly began to stick them anywhere on his feet. He could ignore his knees, which were alright for the time being, but he would need to get something on his hands, and soon.

Then he glanced at the clock. He threw the band-aids aside and skidded across the floor, muttering darkly as he tried walking without looking like an invalid. It appeared to be a hopeless task. Surprise, surprise.

He threw on a pair of jeans and a black shirt, and did a cursory inspection of his hair. If only he hadn't been so finicky about his hair... But it was sticking up all over the place, and he had to go back to the bathroom to get some gel. He did his hair in the bathroom, and grabbed his coat, keys, and book bag from the living room before closing and locking the door behind him.

He quickly stuffed the keys in his pocket and began walking down the hall. He would have liked to run, but he was barely able to walk without crying out in pain. It really was a dumb thing to do. He sighed. How had he thought all those pieces wouldn't cut him? Was he suddenly impervious to everything? A sudden, unbidden mental image of himself dressed as Superman came to mind, and he laughed in spite of himself.

"What's so funny?"

Oh, shit. "Tai!"

"Yeah..."

"I thought you'd be gone by now."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I mean, I thought you'd be gone by now."

"Well, gee, thanks a lot. Nice to know waiting around for my best friend is so appreciated."

"Tai, I know it's hard, but try not to be a complete moron."

"Matt..."

"I didn't say I didn't want you to wait for me. Although your small brain might have misinterpreted the data it was given. It does happen, even to the best of us. And, well..."

"I know, I know. Don't even start."

"Can't help myself."

"Yet you seem to enjoy it so much."

"Yes, well, you would too. If you were me."

"If I was you, then you'd be me. Then where would we be?" Before Yamato could answer, Taichi said, "Hey! That rhymed!"

Yamato rolled his eyes. "Our English teacher would be so very proud to know that Shakespeare is finally rubbing off on you."

"What can I say? I must be a genius."

"Yes. That must be it. You are obviously right. How could I have missed it before? I must have been denying myself from seeing the truth. I am indeed a poor, fragile soul."

"I know that was an insult, and by the time we get to school, I'll have it figured out."

"I so look forward to it." Yamato smiled as he tended to do when he'd beat Taichi in a game of wit. Of course, he beat Taichi in every game of wit they'd ever played. That was a lot of smiling.

Taichi started off towards the school, and Yamato tried to keep up. Normally, it wouldn't have been a problem. But today, like this, his feet were just about ready to revolt. He hated it when body parts revolted. They just stopped working and then you were stuck. There was nothing you could do about it. Just stand around waiting for your body to start working again. Like when your hand cramped up. God, that was painful. And what could you do? It hurt no matter what. You just had to wait it out. That's what his feet felt like, only he thought it was more of a pins and needles type of thing than a cramp.

"Yamato! Come on, we're gonna be late!"

He tried to keep up, but ending up resigning himself to the indignity of having to walk slower. "It's okay. You go on ahead without me."

A confused look crossed Taichi's face, and then he shook his head. "I'm not just gonna leave you here, Matt."

Yamato sighed. "Taichi, I'm not going to walk any faster than I am now."

"Matt. We are SO going to be late. You need to hurry up."

"It's not happening."

"We don't have time for your stupid games, Matt. You wanna play cool guy? Do it with someone else."

And with that, Taichi grabbed Yamato's hand and tugged. Now, his hands had been doing alright. Sure, they weren't bandaged or anything, but still, they were just floating freely in the air. It really wasn't much of a crisis situation for them. He had figured all he really needed to worry about was taking notes in class. That optimistic viewpoint seemed to shatter completely when Taichi pulled on his hand.

Yamato gasped, and gave a small scream before he could help it. It stopped about half a second after it had started, but it was much too late to take it back now. Taichi froze in mid-pull and turned to look at Yamato.

"Matt, what's..."

But when Taichi stared down at his hands, Yamato knew that the older boy had seen the tiny marks. Without asking, Taichi pulled Yamato's hands free and turned them over so he could see the palms. Yamato debated on struggling but decided against it. Taichi wouldn't have let him go that easily, anyway.

To his surprise and pleasure, Taichi began to move his thumbs over the various small cuts. He seemed to be trying to ease them away. It was a gesture that made Yamato go numb inside, and he suddenly realized how close Taichi had pulled him. It made him nervous and excited. But the boy had just wanted to see his hands. That was all. There was nothing else that was going on here. If he didn't keep reminding himself of that, he may have forgotten it. And then he would have done something that no amount of apologizing could ever make up for.

Like kiss him.

Yep, that was definitely high up on the list of things not to do to your best friend.

"Taichi, let go."

Yamato's voice was clear and calm, but Taichi refused to release his hands. There was a strange look on his face that Yamato had never seen before, and it made him unexplainably nervous.

"What happened?"

Yamato startled, then realized that he should have seen the question coming. "I, uh, fell on a broken plate." Okay, it was sort of the truth, right?

"You FELL on it?!" Taichi looked like he was about ready to explode with anger. "How could you do that to yourself?! Did you-" He stopped, took a deep breath, and began again. "Did you cut yourself anywhere else?"

Yamato tried remaining calm. "Tai, it's not important. We're going to be late for school. If I miss Biology, my teacher will kill me. Please let me go."

"It is important, Matt. I can't believe you didn't tell me about this."

Okay. Calm was out. "Why?! So you could worry and freak out like I knew you would?!"

"Still. You should've told me."

"Look, I didn't want-"

"That's why you've been walking slowly, isn't it?"

Yamato mentally smacked himself. Of course Taichi would figure it out. He wasn't stupid, just slow when it came to some stuff. But whenever it came to him, he seemed to be just a little quicker than Yamato would have liked. He figured lying would get him nowhere, but he didn't know how Tai would react if he told the truth.

So he avoided the issue.

"I'm fine. Let's go." And Yamato walked away from Taichi.

Or, he tried to.

He might have succeeded, too, if Taichi hadn't been so persistent about getting this out of him. But, as it was, Taichi grabbed his arm and held him back.

"Look, we're both not going any farther until you tell me what happened to you. You know it. I know it. So let's just cut the bullshit out, alright?"

Yamato gritted his teeth in frustration. No matter how much he might like Tai, the boy just needed to be smacked every now and again. This was definitely one of those times, but doing so would not help the situation at all.

"Fine. I don't know what you want to hear."

"The truth."

"I'd quote an old movie line, but it's overused and I'm too tired. I have to go. You only have study hall first period. I've got that bitch. She doesn't need yet another reason to dislike me, okay?"

"Matt."

"Fine. I dropped a plate. It broke. I was on the floor. I got cut. Okay? Is that good enough for you?"

"No. Why were you on the floor? Where'd you get cut?"

Yamato sighed, his thin patience disappearing rapidly. "Because I'm an idiot. My hands, knees, and feet."

"You didn't answer why you were on the floor."

"It's the best answer you're gonna get, so back off."

There must have been something in Yamato's voice, because Tai nodded. "Fine. The bottom of your feet got cut?" Yamato nodded, and Tai grimaced. "Jesus, Matt, you shouldn't even be walking around. That's got to be killing you."

"They're fine. I put on some band-aids."

"Band-aids?" Taichi asked, disbelievingly.

"Yes."

"You should still be at home."

"No. I can't stay there."

"Matt-"

"Shut up, Tai. I've got to go to school."

"No, you don't. Not when you can't walk because your feet are all cut up."

"I can walk. I was walking before. I'll walk some more, if you'd like."

"Quit being suck a prick."

Yamato ground his teeth together in an effort to ease his frustration. It didn't work.

"I'm not being a prick, but we wouldn't even be standing around here wasting time like this if you weren't being a jerk about this."

"Oh, I'm being a jerk? Why, for worrying about you? That makes me a jerk?"

"For the love of-"

"If I don't worry about you, who will? You don't seem to worry about yourself all that much. What were you thinking? You didn't even bandage yourself up."

"It's my problem, isn't it? What gives you the right to judge me?"

"Judge you? JUDGE you?"

"That's what I-"

"Yama, I'm not judging you. I'm just pointing out the truth."

"The truth?"

"Yes."

"The TRUTH?!"

"That's what I said."

"Tai, you'd better shut up right now before you dig yourself into an even deeper hole."

"You're making way too big a deal of this. You're totally flipping out on me."

"For good reason!"

"Matt, there's nothing you can do about me worrying about you. I'm always gonna worry about you. You really can't do anything about that."

"Why would you even bother?! It's none of your business."

"I'm your best friend. Of course it's my business."

"Just don't even bother."

They stared at each other for a minute, both silently fuming at the other's inability to see their own point. Finally, Taichi sighed and shook his head.

"Look, does it really matter why I'm worried? I don't like seeing you get cut, that's all."

Yamato just stared at him. "Well, if it makes you feel any better, I didn't really mean to get cut."

"I know, but still... you should've stayed home."

"Look, if I stay home sick, I won't be able to sleep over your house tonight. I don't want to stay home, okay? So just lay off."

The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them, or even really understand what it was he was saying. His eyes were immediately on the ground. Stupid, stupid, stupid. What the hell was he thinking, coming out with a statement like that? How the hell was Tai supposed to take that? It sounded too weird. Ugh, his own stupidity was too great. What the hell was wrong with him? He felt like smacking himself upside the head. Again. The thought of Tai's reaction stopped him, but still...

After what felt like an hour, Yamato finally looked up. Taichi immediately clamped his mouth shut. Oh, that was good. He opened his mouth as if to say something, then closed it. Opened, closed. Opened, stammered for a bit, closed. Sighed. Yep, definitely a good sign. Once again, Yamato's urge to do himself bodily harm was almost too overwhelming.

"Fine," Taichi said, interrupting Yamato's thoughts. "My mom already said yes, and I want you over, anyway."

But before Yamato could start walking away, Taichi pulled Yamato's book bag away from him.

"Tai!! What are-"

"We'll be late," he said, and took off towards the school.

Yamato growled in exasperation. Why did he always have to put up with that idiot's antics? Why couldn't Taichi just leave him alone, for once?

But as he started hobbling next to his best friend, Yamato realized that it was easier to walk without lugging around his book bag. He might have thanked his friend under different circumstances.

As it was, they both remained silent.

They approached the school quickly enough, and Taichi was forced to relinquish Yamato's bag to him. Yamato ran down the hall as fast as he could, without killing his feet, and knocked on his classroom door before opening it. He walked through, then closed it without looking behind him. If he would have looked, he would have seen Taichi standing there, peering around the corner.

"Ah, Mr. Ishida. So glad you could join us." The miserable teacher stepped up to him and nearly gave him a heart attack with her next words. "The pop quiz has just ended. Unfortunately, I'm not allowed to give any make-ups. It's a shame, really. Another zero in the book..."

Yamato tried not to hate her too much before he sat down in his seat. Koushiro was looking at him with worry. He hated making other people worry about him. It seemed like that was all he was capable of doing recently though. The thought irritated him a great deal.

"Matt. You're late."

"Now I see why they call you a genius, Koushiro."

Koushiro widened his eyes slightly. "Matt, is everything alright?"

Yamato rolled his eyes. "Oh, yeah, Koushiro. Everything's great."

"... You missed the quiz."

Sigh.

~*~*~*~*~*~

"It's true."

"... She cursed you?"

"Yes."

"..."

"What? She's an evil diabolical witch who was born to destroy my life. She used her evil powers on me. She manipulates my life in unknown ways."

"..."

"..."

"Matt..."

"It's true! Tai, I don't believe you. It's obvious she has some sort of grudge against me."

Taichi sighed, and leaned back in his chair. The chair creaked slightly, which made both boys look up towards the front of the room. Their math teacher was still doing something or other on the blackboard. A wave of relief passed over Yamato.

Taichi grinned and blew out a small breath. "Close one."

"See?"

Tai shook his head. "See what?"

"She's using her influence in other areas of my life. Soon, I'll be totally unable to do anything without knowing she's there, plotting against me."

Taichi tried not to laugh, but it was hopeless. Yamato could see it from a mile away. He tried to make his friend stop, but Tai only laughed louder.

"Is there a problem, gentlemen?"

Both of them looked at their teacher, who happened to be standing right in front of Taichi.

"Well?"

Yamato was smart enough to keep his mouth shut. If there was one thing Taichi had never been accused of, though, it was being smart.

"Umm, no. No problems here."

"Glad to hear it," he responded, obviously not glad at all. "I'm sure you'll both have just as much fun in detention today after school."

Yamato groaned, and Taichi slapped himself on the forehead.

"Oh, yes, Mr. Yagami. That is definitely the way to an A in my class."

Laughter bubbled around the room, and Yamato found himself joining in. He glanced over at Taichi, and was pleased to see the older boy was laughing as well. Class returned to normal, and they were forced to pay attention for the rest of class.

Detention after school. Oh, that was great. Not that he had any real plans anyway, but still. It was always nice to leave your options open. Well, at least he didn't have to worry about explaining it to his father.

As if that thought made him feel any better.

The rest of the classes before lunch passed quickly. The small cuts on his knees weren't really bothering him, but the others were too much to take. His hands were killing him, and his feet were going numb. Somehow, he didn't think that was a good thing.

By lunch, he was seriously doubting his own sanity. It would have been easier to just stay home, and go to Taichi's house anyway. Did it make any sense at all to go to school when he didn't even have to explain it to his father? No, it didn't make any sense. Then why had he done it?

By lunch, Yamato was about ready to fall over. That was why he sat at the first empty table he passed. It was on the opposite end of his normal seat, but at the moment he couldn't have cared less. It was there, and it was a way to get off his feet. That was as far as his mind was able to function at the moment.

Yamato watched when Tai walked in. He walked towards where they normally sat, stopped, looked around, and saw Yamato. He walked back towards Yamato.

"Hey, Matt. Why are you-" But he stopped and answered his own question with a sigh. "Well, I tried to make you stay home."

"Shut up, Tai."

Taichi pulled out the chair next to Yamato and sat down. He raised an eyebrow. "You're not eating?"

Yamato looked at Tai, then at the lunch line, then back to Tai. "No, Tai. I'm not."

Taichi sighed. "Fine. What do you want?"

"Huh?"

"Forget it, I'll find something you like." He stood up and walked over to the line. Yamato blinked several times, then sighed. That idiot always had to be so damn nice. Why did he have to be so nice? It wasn't fair. Was it possible not to fall in love with Tai? If it was, you couldn't prove it by him.

Before Taichi came back, Yamato watched every other person who normally sat at their table do a double take. It was amusing. Sora knew instantly what was wrong with him, but how she knew he couldn't figure out. Jyou just wondered aloud why they had switched tables without telling him. Yamato ignored the others, and concentrated on staring straight ahead until Taichi came back.

A plate was put in front of him, and Taichi smiled down at him. "This is what you normally get, right?"

Of course, it was. Taichi always knew those sorts of things. The little things that no one else really ever noticed. Those were the things that Tai was always pointing out to him. Yamato mumbled thanks, and focused on eating. Taichi sat down and began to talk to everyone, saying hi and laughing at someone's joke. Yamato closed his eyes and wished he was alone with Taichi. He wanted to hear that laughter more. He wanted to hear it everyday.

"Matt?"

"Yeah?"

Tai rolled his eyes and said, "I can't believe we got detention."

Yamato shrugged.

"So, if you want, after detention we could just go straight to my house?" He made it into a question.

Yamato thought for a second. "Well, I guess that would be alright."

A guy from the other end of the table said, "What's going on, Tai? You guys hanging out tonight?"

Yamato felt vaguely irritated and would have replied scathingly. Taichi's hand against his chest stopped him. It was a silent command to be... well, silent.

"Yeah, we're hanging out." The brunette's head was turned the other way, and Yamato remained silent. Like he was going to complain if Tai wanted to touch him. Yeah, right.

"What are you guys doing?" This came from someone else. What was with these people? Didn't they have lives of their own?

"We're hanging out," Taichi repeated.

"Oh. Like a party type of thing?"

"No!"

Yamato and Taichi grinned at each other. They both had yelled out at the same time.

"No," Tai said again, calmer. "Like a best friend type of thing."

Taichi's jock friends fell silent. They were always trying to hang out with Tai, even though he really only hung out with Yamato outside of school. There were days that he saw his soccer friends, but for the most part it was just Taichi and him. Yamato liked it that way.

"Oh."

And that was that.

Sora looked at them and grinned. "Now, now, boys. No need to get so uptight."

Yamato rolled his eyes and continued eating. Taichi, of course, had to answer her.

"I'm not being uptight. I'm just telling them what's going on."

"Which is a good idea," Jyou said, nodding thoughtfully. "You wouldn't want a bunch of guys coming over your house tonight. Your mom wouldn't be very happy about that."

Yamato laughed once loudly, then stopped. "Yeah, Tai, your mom might not like your teammates all coming over tonight."

Tai had gone pale at the thought of how his mother might act if all those guys were suddenly invading her house. She was fine with Yamato, and a few others, but she would definitely have a heart attack if her house was ever overrun by the boy's soccer team.

"Jyou. Matt. That's not funny. It's just not." Yamato laughed even more, and Tai waved a french fry towards him threateningly. "Don't ever say that again. God, I almost died just thinking about how she would react! I would be grounded for life!!"

Yamato had a good reply, it was a smart-ass comment too, but he was laughing too hard to make it. Tai just stared at him for a minute.

"Wow, Matt. It wasn't THAT funny."

"Y-yes, it w-was," Yamato said when he was able to breath again. "YOUR mom, grounding you? Tai, she loves you! You never get punished for anything!"

"That's not t-"

"No, he's right," Sora said, interrupting his protests. "When was the last time you got in trouble?"

"Four months ago, when I broke that vase in the living room."

Yamato shook his head. "But, Tai, your mom loved that vase. Of course she was gonna get you for that. It was a family heirloom or something, wasn't it?" He looked to Tai for confirmation, and the shorter boy nodded. "Well, there you go. I'm talking about when you got home late and you were grounded for that. Something that doesn't involve priceless treasures."

Taichi opened his mouth, but stopped when Yamato interrupted him.

"Your sister counts as a priceless treasure."

"Damn."

Sora stared at him. "TAICHI! Don't talk like that about your sister."

"Like what?"

"... Just don't do it!"

So, for the rest of lunch, Taichi felt obliged to give an account of every single thing he had ever gotten punished for. He wouldn't give it up until Yamato was forced into admitting that he had exaggerated, but not by much.

When Yamato stood up to put his tray away, Tai jumped up and grabbed it out of his hands.

"Tai, what are you-"

"I'll do it!"

Yamato took that as his cue to leave. Saying good-bye to the others, he hefted his book bag onto his shoulder and began walking out. He avoided Taichi successfully, which was a good thing. He would have probably demanded to carry Yamato's bag again, and that just was not going to work.

Sixth period passed by quickly. The teacher came up to him and explained that if his blobs didn't begin to look like something soon, Yamato would fail. Yamato then told the teacher that they were contemporary art. He explained that each one represented a different section of the universe, but since the universe could not be measured by such mundane standards as length and width, he had tried to show it through the use of clay. Of course, an imperfect art was bound to have mistakes, so he could see why the teacher had thought it was just a blob, instead of the complex rendition of the galaxy that it was. He understood and was not offended in the least by other's inability to see his true meaning. The teacher said he had until next week to make something besides a complex rendition of the universe, like a cat. Or a boat. Yamato said he would try, but he felt that his artistic license was being severely impeded upon. The teacher said to work on a stick. If he could make a stick, he could pass. Yamato grudgingly agreed, and promised that he would make the effort to hold back his artistic vision.

Taichi was already there when Yamato walked into the dreaded seventh period gym class. Without Tai there, Yamato would probably have skipped class almost everyday. It was just too much to take. He absolutely hated gym. He said as much to Taichi, who only laughed in response.

"No, really, why is gym required? It doesn't make any sense. I mean, we come to school to learn, right? Everything else makes sense- you know, math and whatnot. It's just gym that is completely irrational."

Taichi laughed and shook his head. "You don't know what you're talking about! Gym's the best class of the day!"

Yamato rolled his eyes. "Yeah, if you're a brain-dead jock who eats too much." He dropped his book bag on the bench next to Taichi and sighed.

"Hey!"

"Don't try to deny it. I know what you really are."

"What I really am?" Taichi asked, surprised.

"Yes. I can see through your deceptive little mask."

Taichi snorted and opened his gym locker. He rummaged around for his clothes, and began changing as he replied to Yamato. "Oh, really?"

"Yes," Yamato said. He opened his own locker and glared at the clothes inside. "I hate you."

Tai's head snapped up. "What?!"

Yamato instantly turned around and began waving his hand in front of him. "No, I, uh, didn't mean you, Tai! I was talking to my clothes!"

Yamato received the famous Kamiya look in response. God, he hated that look.

Suddenly, Yamato found himself speaking very quickly, and waving his shirts around in the air. "No, that didn't come out right. I wasn't, like, discussing the weather with them or anything! I was complaining about gym, and I just said I hated them, because they're a part of gym class. It wasn't really like I was talking to them, you know, like they were real or anything."

Another look.

"No, I mean, of course they're real, like they were, you know, alive. Because clothes aren't alive."

Damn that Kamiya look.

"And besides, why would you think I said I hated you? That makes no sense, Tai, even for you. Of course I don't hate you- we're best friends, aren't we? I mean, come on, isn't it obvious that I like you? If I didn't like you, we wouldn't be hanging out together, right? I could never hate you, you know that. God, do you have to take everything the wrong way?..... W-would you stop looking at me like that?"

"Like what?"

"Like that. That! THAT!"

"What? What?! WHAT?!"

"That-that look. Just stop it, okay? It freaks me out. God, do you always have to be so-so-so-so-"

"Annoying?"

"YES!!"

"Yes."

Yamato growled in frustration, and glared balefully at Taichi. Tai, however, managed to keep a straight face for the next, oh, two seconds. Then he burst out laughing, wiping tears away from his eyes.

"Tai!! This is not funny!!"

Tai shook his head and tried to speak, but it took him a few moments before he calmed down enough to form a complete sentence. "Y-You're right, Matt," he said, still shaking with silent laughter. "But you were just t- too f-f-funny..." And then he was laughing again. Yamato suddenly realized that he wanted nothing more than to strangle and beat him until he bled. It was probably not the sort of reasoning that would have gone through his mind if he had been thinking straight, but well... he wasn't thinking at all right now. He was just embarrassed and irritated.

A thought dawned on Yamato, and the look he gave Tai would have made others run screaming. "You knew what I meant from the start!" he accused.

Tai just smiled and shrugged. "Yeah."

"Tai!"

"What?"

"I can't believe you!"

"But it was so fun to watch you stumble over yourself and lose your cool like that," Taichi protested. "You almost never get all confused. It was funny."

Yamato banged his head against the locker and would have stayed that way for longer if Taichi hadn't made his next statement.

"You're not wearing a shirt, Matt."

Yamato looked down and groaned. "Taichi!"

"What?"

"I can't believe you!" Yamato exclaimed as he finished getting changed.

"What? It's my fault that you didn't have a shirt on?"

"Ye- no... Yes!!"

"Well, which one is it?"

"Ugh, can't you at least TRY to have a little more tact?" Yamato knew he was blushing madly, but he hoped Tai would ignore it. He was acting weird enough today, already. Getting all worked up over such small events wasn't like him at all. It was annoying to think that Taichi could affect him this way. Not only that, but the cuts were still bothering him. His hands hurt from pulling his shirt down so quickly, and his feet were killing him from standing up so long. But he knew that saying anything would just make Tai worry. And, bastard though he may be, he didn't want to make Tai worry.

"Tact? What's tact?"

No matter much the idiot deserved to suffer.

"Don't laugh at me when I'm right here, idiot!"

"Who's laughing? I'm not laughing."

Yamato growled again and pushed Tai out of his way. "Move!"

Taichi laughed before he could stop himself, and found himself up against the locker gasping for air a second later.

"What was that for?!" Tai asked, practically shouting.

Yamato just glared in response. Taichi shook his head to clear it, then growled at Yamato. "Look, if you've got a problem, just say it!"

"The only one with a problem here is you!"

"Me?! You're the one who slammed me against the wall!"

Yamato shrugged and turned away. "You deserved it."

Taichi narrowed his eyes. "Oh, don't start with that bullshit, Matt," he said. "If you start acting all cool with me, I'm not going to be responsible for what I might do."

Yamato rolled his eyes and walked past him. "Whatever."

Tai glared at him, then jumped up. "Don't ignore me!"

Yamato pushed open the door to the gym, speaking to Tai over his shoulder. "I'm not ignoring you."

"Yes you are!"

But he found himself talking to a closed door.

~*~*~*~*~*~


	3. Superfluous

Yamato stood outside the door and glared at everyone he passed. The guys looked insulted and ready to fight, the girls looked ready to cry. Not that he really cared. What did it matter what all those people thought of him? It didn't matter at all. The only people he really cared about knew him well enough to be able to deal with the shit he pulled. Not that he cared. If they couldn't deal with him the way he was, there was no way he was going to change. Not for people who wouldn't even try to understand him. Hell, no. Now, if Takeru asked him to do something, that was a whole different story. He would do anything for his little brother.

He knew the same was true with Taichi. Even though they constantly fought or even attacked each other, he knew he would do anything to protect Tai. Even when he was pissed off at him, like now. He didn't know why he felt this way. It seemed to him that he had plenty of reason to hate the stupid, goggle-wearing, dinosaur-loving, big-haired, loud-mouthed, short soccer player. He was given more and more reasons everyday why he shouldn't like the older boy. It always seemed that he was trying to irritate him. There was no reason at all why Yamato should even consider him a friend.

But he did consider Tai a friend. The best friend he had ever had. The best friend he would ever have. It was corny to think about it, but still true. That was the only reason he put up with Tai. It was the only reason he needed. If someone knew him as much as Tai did, and still wanted to hang out with him it was a miracle. Taichi knew almost every bad thing that had ever happened in Yamato's life. Even though he tried to keep it secret, Tai could still somehow wrench the truth out from him.

It was strange that they could fight so much and still be such good friends. Then again, he couldn't imagine being friends with Tai without all the fighting that went along with it. It was nice to be able to tell Tai exactly how he felt, even if it would make him upset. In fact, it was great to be able to just say whatever was on his mind. In many ways, Tai knew more about him than he knew himself. Tai could almost read his mind sometimes, just because Yamato had given away how he was feeling with a simple headshake or hand movement. It had freaked him out at first, but lately he had begun to rely on that ability to communicate with the brunette faster and easier.

Of course, Tai still didn't know everything that went on in Yamato's mind. Which was a good thing. A very good thing. Since a good portion of Yamato's thoughts on Tai were not of the platonic friend sort, he thought it was for the best. After all, how would he feel if Tai came up to him and told him he loved him?

...

Okay, bad example. Not only was it a nonexistent possibility, but also he would flip out. Yamato had no clue how he would react to Tai saying something along those lines. He didn't even want to think about it. He'd probably embarrass himself in some awful unimaginable way. Like squealing. Oh, God, he was sure he would do something like that. One minute, he'd be fine. The next he'd be squealing and acting completely idiotic. That would kill his reputation around school. "The guy who squeals over other guys". It just didn't have the right effect on people.

Not that he would squeal. More likely than not, he would punch Tai. Oh, that was even better. He says 'I love you', and Yamato decks him. That would really get his point across beautifully, wouldn't it? Nothing says 'I love you' like a bloody nose.

But all his thinking on this subject was fruitless. Taichi would never tell Yamato that he loved him. Yamato would never be given the chance to decide how he would react. And Taichi would never have to learn that his best friend was in love with him. Yamato would never have to see the look of disgust and revulsion that would undoubtedly cross his friend's face. He would never have to be rejected by the one person that mattered. He wouldn't be able to recover from it. The only other person that he wouldn't be able to handle rejection from was Takeru, but Yamato knew that it was coming. Sooner or later, Takeru would get a clue and ditch his older brother. With Taichi, that never had to happen. Tai wasn't smart enough to figure out that he shouldn't hang out with Yamato. The idiot actually wanted to hang out with him. As long as he never figured it out, Yamato was safe.

If he ever realized that Yamato wasn't worth the effort, Tai would ignore him. And, for some reason, that would hurt more than Takeru's rejection. Takeru was related to him by blood, after all. They could never really get away from each other, even if they wanted to. Taichi, on the other hand, could easily lose contact with Yamato. True, they were bound together by being digi-destined. But that didn't mean they always had to stay together. Or even like each other. There was no rule that said all the Chosen Children had to get along. It worked out better for the group if they did, but that didn't mean they couldn't function if there were arguments going on.

Then again, Sora had told him that when he was fighting with Tai, he was the weak link in their group. So maybe they needed to be friends in order to fight evil digimon? His crest was Friendship, after all. It sort of made sense that he had to be friends with everyone. Whether they wanted to or not.

Yamato sighed and ran a hand through his hair, unconsciously fixing it. He was certainly in a depressing mood today. It wasn't intentional, but his thoughts always seemed to drift this way. He could never let his mind wander and end up thinking happy thoughts. Oh, no- no flowers and bunnies for him. All he got was depression and anxiety. It seemed like a pretty raw deal.

His hand got caught in a small knot. He closed his eyes and let his sense of touch guide him. His fingers worked out the thin blonde strands until they were smooth. The ends of them tickled against his fingers, making a soft airy feeling run along all the small cuts on his hand. A small smile came to his lips as he concentrated on this feeling.

He blinked his eyes open to find Tai staring at him, openmouthed. Yamato was instantly annoyed. Smile vanishing, he asked, "What?"

Taichi shook his head quickly, replying, "N-Nothing." Yamato could have sworn Tai was blushing, but he turned his head to the side before he could get a really good look. "Sorry," he said, still looking away.

It was amazing. Yamato could actually feel his anger draining out of him. This was better than any stupid anger management course his father had tried dumping on him. He shrugged in response, but both boys knew the matter was settled between them.

So gym class got off to a rough start. The teacher was waiting for them, and they were forced to run an extra lap around the track during warm-up. Tai had tried arguing with the teacher about this, but to no avail. Yamato had the distinct impression that Tai didn't want him to be on his feet any more than he had to. So, thanks to their teacher, they ran an extra lap. This was torture for Yamato, whose feet were killing him by the end. He was absolutely certain that he had reopened a few of the cuts on his feet.

The never-ending dodge ball tournament continued as expected. Yamato and Taichi remained separated throughout the game. The only surprising event of the day was when a boy on Tai's team hit Yamato. He had been running slower than usual, and knew he was going to get hit. He had not been surprised when it happened. The boy was ecstatic, as he was the only person that had tagged Yamato in their entire class. Taichi glared at the boy while everyone else on their team was congratulating him. Yamato caught Tai's attention and rolled his eyes. Tai grinned in response. They both knew it never would have happened if he was as fast as usual. But as Yamato walked over to stand in 'prison', Tai shot another glare at the boy who had hit his best friend. Yamato was freed shortly thereafter, and the game went on without any other major events.

So, when the whistle blew and Yamato turned to begin walking back to the lockers, he was not surprised to find Tai hovering over him.

"Matt, are you alright?"

He rolled his eyes and frowned. "Tai, you think a little thing like that was gonna do me in? I've survived worse, as you may recall."

Tai grinned sheepishly. "Yeah, well, you know... making sure you're alright is part of my job."

Yamato raised an eyebrow to that, but didn't respond. He was somehow not surprised to find out that Taichi considered it his job to look after him. Annoyed, maybe, but not really surprised. Hey, Tai had done a good job of keeping everyone alive in the Digiworld, so he wasn't as annoyed as he might have been if someone else had made the same statement.

It took him a great deal of effort to maintain these peace-keeping thoughts. Flowers and bunnies, flowers and bunnies. If he tried, he could think positively.

"You sure you're okay?"

Although he had to wonder if it was really worth the effort.

"I'm fine, Tai," Yamato said in a tone of voice that clearly said 'shut up or die'.

Yamato pushed through the door to the locker room and heard Tai's footsteps following his own. He wanted to be mad at him for being so nosy and overprotective, but he also thought it was sweet that Tai worried about him. He was confused about why he was so confused, and all these emotions jumbled together to form one huge headache.

He rubbed his forehead with one hand and opened his locker with the other. Tai wisely stayed silent, although Yamato knew he was staring. Maybe not staring, but surreptitiously glancing in his direction every second or so. Yamato tried to ignore this, since Tai was trying to be covert. He pulled off his shirt and threw it in his locker, only to have his arm suddenly grabbed.

"What?!" Yamato asked.

Tai pulled him over to a nearby mirror and said, "Look!"

Yamato tried pulling his arm away, but Tai was too intent. "At what?!"

"Your arm!"

Yamato looked at his reflection and saw that there was a bruise forming where he had been hit. Oh, that was just fantastic. But, as there was nothing he could do about it, he pulled his arm away from Tai roughly. "Yeah, so?"

"So?!" Tai repeated, incredulous. "So that kid bruised you!"

"Yeah, well, it's called dodge ball for a reason, Tai. There's a ball. You dodge it." Yamato rolled his eyes and walked back to his locker. "It's not that complicated."

Yamato expected to hear Tai following him. When he didn't, he turned around to see what was taking him so long. Tai, however, was not there.

"Wha-" Yamato muttered to himself until he heard a loud shouting match on the other side of the room. He ran over there, already knowing what was going on.

He reached the fight just in time to see Tai punch the other kid in his stomach. The kid doubled over in pain, grasping his midsection and gasping for air. Yamato stood in shock for half of a second, then walked over and punched Tai in the arm.

"Matt!" Tai yelped, clutching his arm. "What the hell was that for?!"

"Being a complete moron," he said, glaring at Tai.

"But-"

"What did you think you were doing?!"

"Matt, I-"

The gym teacher ran over then, and began asking what had happened. Surprisingly, no one said a word about the fight. There was normally a tattletale in a group somewhere, but everyone kept their mouths shut. The teacher eventually left, just in time so that everyone would be late for the last period of the day.

Yamato walked back over to his locker once more, and finished changing quickly. Tai stood there watching him for a minute, looking hurt. Then he began to change, avoiding Yamato's eyes.

Oh, no. Tai was going through the whole 'I did something wrong, what did I do, I'm a horrible person, my best friend hates me now' thought process that Yamato knew too well. Guilt swamped over him. But Tai had acted irrationally. He had to know that.

"Tai."

No response.

"Tai, don't be like this."

"Like what?" Tai asked, monotone.

"Upset over some stupid thing. Just stop it."

"Okay."

"Tai, I mean it."

"What do you want from me, Matt?" Tai asked, turning to face him. "Someone hurt you, and I hurt him. I had to, okay? It's not something I have a choice about."

"Tai, it was just a game. This isn't the Digiworld. I'm not in any danger. You don't have to protect me."

Tai looked at him for a long moment. It was the most uncomfortable look they had ever shared. "Don't I?"

Tai closed his locker and walked away. Yamato stood there for a minute, trying to grasp what had just happened. He would have stood there longer except that he heard Tai's voice calling him.

"We'll be late if you don't hurry up."

Yamato ran to catch up to Tai, who had ruined his dramatic exit by holding the door open and waiting for him. As soon as he passed through the door, Tai slammed it shut behind him. The shorter boy stomped down the hall towards English class, glancing back once or twice to make sure his friend was following.

"Come on, Tai." He didn't respond, and Yamato sighed. "Look, I'm sorry for punching you, okay?"

Tai shook his head. "Doesn't matter."

Yamato felt small pains on his feet, and mentally cursed all dishes. He walked faster in spite of this, trying to catch up to Tai.

"It does matter."

"No, it doesn't."

"It matters to you."

"I don't care."

"Yes, you do. You wouldn't be acting this way if you didn't."

"No, I don't. Not about that."

"Then about what?"

"...Nothing."

"Tai, what is it?"

Tai didn't answer, and Yamato finally whispered what had been on his mind for the past minute. "Why are you walking so damn fast?" He hadn't expected an answer, since he assumed Tai couldn't hear him. He was pleased, but surprised, when Tai stopped and waited for him to catch up.

"Sorry," Tai mumbled quietly before continuing towards class at a slower pace than before.

Yamato shook his head. "No, it's alright. I didn't realize you heard me."

Tai shrugged. "Should've thought of it before you had to tell me."

Yamato ran a hand through his hair, pleading with himself to remain calm. "No, you shouldn't have had to slow down. It's me who's screwing up here. Not you."

"Matt, we're never gonna agree on this."

"I agree with you completely."

They walked in silence for another few seconds. "You okay?" Yamato asked once the silence became too uncomfortable.

Tai nodded. "Yeah. Just angry."

"About what?" Silence. "Come on, Tai. You can tell me."

"I know, but-"

"But what?"

"... I don't know."

Guilt ran over him once again, and Yamato touched Tai lightly on the arm. "Tai, I really am sorry about punching you."

Tai relaxed a little, and replied, "It really doesn't matter. We've hit each other before. If you want to beat me to a bloody pulp, you can. If it's you, I don't care."

"Then why are you so upset?"

"Because!" Tai shouted, turning to face his best friend. "That kid hit you, Matt."

Yamato waited for more, but it didn't come. "And?" he prompted.

"Isn't that enough?!" Tai responded. "You're already hurt from that damn dish breaking. Now your arm's bruised up."

"Tai, it was just a game."

"But you HATE dodge ball!"

"Well, it's gym. Everyone's got to play."

"Well, you shouldn't have to."

"I don't have a choice."

"It's not right!"

Yamato rolled his eyes. "Tai, it's fine. This is the first and, believe me, last time I'll be hit during this stupid game."

"But it wouldn't have happened at all if you didn't have to play."

"So is that what this is? You're mad because I had to play dodge ball?" Yamato asked incredulously.

"No!" Tai replied. "I'm mad 'cause you got hurt!"

"EVERYBODY gets hurt playing dodge ball, Tai. It's part of the game."

"I didn't get hurt."

"Well, you're not everybody. Besides, I punched you, remember?"

"That doesn't count."

"It so does."

"No, it doesn't."

"Dude, it counts."

"That doesn't even matter. I don't care if I get hit."

"But you get all upset if I get hit?"

Tai shrugged. They both began walking again, neither one wanting to be any later for English than they absolutely had to be.

"Look Tai, I'm going to tell you this once. That's all. If you don't understand the first time, I won't repeat it, so pay attention." At Tai's nod, Yamato continued. "I don't care if you don't care. I care if you get hit. Just like you care if I get hit. So, we both got hit, and we both feel like shit because of it. That's what's going on. I refuse to feel like shit tonight, so you'd better get over this before then."

"... You care if I get hit?"

"YES! Idiot."

"Even though you're the one who hit me?"

"Not my fault. Your idiocy forced it upon me."

Tai might have replied, but they were standing just outside their classroom. Yamato pulled open the door and apologized to the teacher for the both of them. They got to their seats as their teacher started a new scene in Romeo & Juliet. Yamato followed along for the first few minutes, but eventually found himself spacing out. He just wasn't interested in it at all. He had already read the whole play, and he knew it well enough to be bored when they discussed it in class.

He put his head on his hands and looked out the window. The wind was blowing the tree branches around wildly. It was the time of year when half of the trees were completely bare, and the other half were full of colorful leaves. Browning grass filled the entire school yard. Spots of red and yellow were randomly scattered around on the ground, due to leaves that were holding onto the grass despite the strong current that was ready and waiting to sweep them away. Maybe they were trying to hold on to whatever was left of everything had ever known.

After all, they had lived all their lives in this one tree, looking and feeling exactly the same. Suddenly, they begin to change colors. It was probably exciting at first, especially since all of their friends were changing too. But then one of their friends fell down to the ground that was so far below the rest of them. And, one by one, each of the remaining leaves were forced from everything they had ever known. Each of the leaves knew it would be their turn soon. It was stressful, waiting for the inevitable. He could understand that. And once he realized that he was sympathizing with leaves, he immediately turned his head the opposite way.

To find Taichi staring straight at him. Tai grinned. Yamato rolled his eyes. Why, oh why, did he have to have an idiot like Tai for his best friend? Not only that, but he had to go and fall in love with the moron? Or at least, a horribly strong, completely unreasonable crush that threatened to overwhelm him at any given moment. And he felt like that over some stupid boy who never paid attention in class, always put himself in danger, never thought about the consequences of his actions, and thought a soccer ball was more important than oxygen. There were times he really doubted the sanity of his hormones.

But, looking at Tai, he couldn't help but smile a little in response. The boy was just so damn friendly. How could someone possibly be that friendly? It just didn't make any sense. No one was ever as good to him as Tai was. Even when they fought, he always knew they would get over it later.

His mind was going in circles today. He couldn't think straight. Oh, boy, he hoped to God that he didn't start acting all mushy and sentimental suddenly. That would be just perfect.

Tai looked at him, and Yamato knew instantly that the other boy wanted to know what was wrong with him. Not that anything was wrong. Oh, no, nothing was wrong. Wanting to pull your best friend down on top of you and scream 'Fuck me now!!' was perfectly normal. He was sure everyone felt the same as he did. Oh, yes, uh huh, he was absolutely SURE that everyone had the same sort of platonic best friend thoughts that he did.

Which was, of course, why he kept them locked inside as far away from the light of day as possible.

Yamato just shrugged in response to Tai and scribbled a quick note.

'You're gonna fail the test.'

He handed it over to Tai, who read it and scribbled something else.

'What test?'

Yamato slapped a hand on his forehead to keep from hitting the other boy.

'Romeo and Juliet'

'Who cares? U ok?'

When Yamato saw that in Tai's scribble that almost might have passed for handwriting in some foreign culture, he didn't know how to respond. Was he okay? No, hell no. No, he was not okay. But he couldn't tell Taichi that. Oh no, if it was Yamato's choice Tai would never find out what the hell was wrong with him. Tai didn't have to know his father was always gone when it mattered the most for him to be there, conversation between his little brother and him was frequently strained and uncomfortable, he would never be able to see his Digimon partner ever again, he had no idea why he was alive, he had no idea what he would be doing in the future, and, oh yeah, he was in love with his best friend, who also happened to carry the Y chromosome. Yep, all things Tai definitely didn't need to know.

But he had never lied to his best friend before, and he wasn't about to start now. Well, okay, maybe he had lied once or twice, but only when it was absolutely necessary. His usual responses to questions he couldn't answer wouldn't work with a note. He couldn't write 'whatever' or shrug. So, he wrote back the only thing he could think of.

'Don't be an idiot!'

Tai read it and smiled broadly. Yes, Yamato thought happily. The boy was easily distracted today. Another day of Taichi's ignorance in certain areas of his life that needed to remain hidden.

It was a good day.

'Can't help it.'

Yamato rolled his eyes at Tai's usual response, and crinkled the paper in his hand, signaling the end of the conversation. He returned to staring blankly into space, hoping that the teacher wasn't going over anything urgent.

Tai was also staring into space, although that space seemed to be very close to Yamato's face. Another day he would have been irritated, but he had enough of being upset at his friend today. Besides, Yamato was used to spacing out in class and passing. Taichi was used to spacing out in class and failing. That should have told Tai something, but it didn't. He had to wonder how much his friend wanted to graduate.

Tai was still ignoring the lesson when class ended. Yamato knew that the teacher had noticed their inattention, but for some reason wasn't saying anything. Maybe he wanted to cut them some slack? Not likely. Tai was always goofing off in class. Always had, always will. Most teachers didn't really appreciate that.

"Matt?"

Yamato's head jerked up, and he noticed the classroom was empty. When had that happened? Damn it, and he had called Tai spacey?

Tai just looked at him. "What are you doing?"

He shook his head. "Nothing. We'll be late for detention." He reached down to grab his book bag, only to find it missing. "Where'd I-"

Tai grabbed his arm and gently pulled him up. "Matt, come on!"

"Wait, I need to find my- Tai."

"Huh?"

"What are you doing with that?" He pointed to his book bag, which he had just noticed was slung over his best friend's shoulder.

"Carrying it."

"Why?"

He shrugged. "'Cause you limp when you walk."

Yamato narrowed his eyes. "I do not!"

"You do too."

Yamato opened his mouth to complain more, but sighed instead. Tai was absolutely hopeless today. He insisted on being helpful, even when Yamato didn't want or need the help.

Tai kept the light grip on Yamato's arm and pulled him out of the classroom. He just let the shorter boy drag him around, knowing that Tai would throw a fit if he didn't get his way. Plus, it really wasn't all that bad to feel Tai's hand on his arm. Not bad at all. Maybe even a little good.

Which was a problem he would worry about later. No need to focus on his freakishness now, right?

Yamato followed Taichi down the hall, glancing around to make sure nobody was watching. If anyone saw him like this, he'd flip out. No one had ever seen him act weak in his entire life, and he certainly wasn't going to let it happen now. Tai was the only exception to this, which he himself hated but his friend seemed to enjoy endlessly. For some reason, Tai liked being able to be with Yamato when he was at his worst. Why would anybody want to be around someone who was weak? He was just a liability. It didn't make any sense.

The hand on his arm tightened, and Yamato looked up. Tai was looking at him. Immediately self-conscious, he glared at Tai and said, "What?!"

"What's with you today?"

"Nothing. Nothing's with me." God, he hated it when Tai asked him how he was. Why should anyone care how he was feeling anyway? Especially him... Ugh, it all just didn't make any sense.

Tai sighed. "Again with the 'I'm big and bad and tough and cool'. It really pisses me off sometimes, you know?"

"Well, excuse me for being such a burden on you," Yamato replied, trying not to feel a small sting from the words.

Tai groaned. "Do you always have to take everything the wrong way?"

Yamato remained silent. Tai was looking at him, and he glared back. Now this was something he was used to- glaring at Tai. Yamato was proud of his ability to glare for extended periods of time. He could glare at anyone for hours on end, but with Tai he could go for days. The boy just inspired all the wrong sorts of feelings in him, and it made it all the easier to glare.

"Well?"

Yamato rolled his eyes. "Yes, Taichi, I do manipulate everything you say. You're absolutely right."

Ah, sarcasm. Another art he had perfected. With that and glaring, he was set for life.

Taichi just shook his head. "I hope you get over this when we're in detention. I don't think I'll be able to deal with you being bitchy all night."

Yamato blinked, then growled. "I'm not being bitchy!"

"Sure, Matt."

"Tai, don't patronize me."

"Umm... okay."

Yamato rolled his eyes. "You have no idea what I just said, do you?"

"Nope."

"It means don't act like I'm lower than you, or that you're better than me."

"Well, I'm not. We're equal."

"I know that! That's the whole point!"

"The point of what?"

They both blinked at each other waiting for an answer. When none came, they turned and continued walking. Silence passed between them for a few moments until Tai said, "That was a weird conversation."

Yamato nodded in agreement, and the subject was dropped.

They met the lucky teacher who would be watching them just outside the classroom door.

"You two just made it," she said. "Hurry up. We've got a whole hour of fun ahead of us."

"Oh, woo-hoo," Yamato said in monotone. Tai grinned at her and pulled Yamato inside.

"Could you at least TRY not to piss off the teacher?" Tai asked, still grinning.

"Yes, but I'd rather sit back and look cool, aloof, and disinterested in life in general. The ladies like it. It makes me seem sexy."

Tai laughed before he could help it, then smiled sheepishly at the look he got from the teacher. He punched Yamato gently, knowing that he was being carefully watched by the Power That Was. Namely, the only person in the room who could let them all leave after only ten minutes.

They were lucky that their teacher was fairly nice. She allowed them all to sit wherever they wanted to, as long as they remained completely silent. She told them not to disturb her, and then began to grade papers. Yamato knew from past experience that keeping quiet was the best way to get through detention. If you spoke, the teacher tended to notice that you weren't doing what you were supposed to be doing, and then you got in trouble.

He sat down next to the window, and Tai took the seat next to his. Yamato turned his head and looked outside for the second time that day. This time, he let his thoughts wander freely, hoping that they would occupy him enough to take up an hour.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Beautiful.

...

That was really the only word for describing him.

Completely, truly, utterly, wildly, absolutely, wholly, entirely, totally, thoroughly, perfectly, clearly, flawlessly, crazily, faultlessly, captivatingly, comprehensively, severely, intensely, delightfully, charmingly, appealingly, impeccably, immaculately, unconditionally, painstakingly, exhaustively, painfully, alluringly, sublimely, exquisitely, acutely, deeply, profoundly, genuinely, authentically, legitimately, divinely, wonderfully, astonishingly, superlatively, impeccably, surpassingly, matchlessly, consummately, notably, strangely, preeminently, principally, remarkably, specifically, strikingly, unaccountably, uniquely, ideally, splendidly, actively, frantically, relentlessly, rigorously, urgently, agonizingly, inconveniently, embarrassingly, ludicrously, outrageously, outstandingly, supremely, deliriously, distractedly, irrationally, unreasonably, distinctively, uncontrollably, boldly, passionately, tempestuously, unbearably, heartbreakingly, intoxicatingly, excruciatingly, exceptionally, exceedingly, extremely, entrancingly, exotically, erotically, sensually, seductively, mind-numbingly beautiful.

...

And people said he wouldn't pass English- HA!

But it was Yama, and he couldn't help it.

He glanced over and saw the blonde staring out the window. The light fell on him from the open blinds, and a small breeze drifted in through the barely opened window. Soft, silky smooth strands of hair played gently around his face. Each strand seemed to move of its own accord, rising up and falling back down in slow motion to a mysterious rhythm that it alone knew. They glided around his face as if they had memorized his features, and knew exactly where to go.

A lithe hand came up and pushed several strands behind a perfect pale ear. Each finger pressed lightly against the side of his face, then began a fast descent along the edge of his ear. The pale fingers moved swiftly, dexterous after years of practice. They pulled away too soon, leaving a few blonde locks quaking in their absence.

The hand moved up to rest against the side of a face that would never leave his memory, ever. Even if he couldn't see it now, he knew exactly what it looked like. Head slightly tilted into his hand, the blonde continued staring out the window.

The look of those eyes was burned into his soul. The very eyes that were staring so intently on probably nothing at all. Cold eyes. Ice cold, without any hint of compassion in them. A blue so intense that it scalded. A color so unreal that it had no name. Devastatingly distant often, chokingly emotional almost never, clouded over with thought sometimes, sparkling with sarcasm at least eight times a day. They hazed over with hidden emotion even more, which made his heart ache. They narrowed at almost everything, and widened only when surprised or taken aback. Almost always half-closed, they were only completely open during late afternoon. They hesitantly allowed themselves to show emotion in front of someone else after spending many hours with and trusting that person. They were constantly ready to throw a mask up, and sometimes did so even when trying not to. No matter what, the ice blue could easily frighten and excite others, and did so often. Whether they knew they had this effect or not was still a mystery.

As were most other things about this paragon. Although he knew some things about the blonde, there were still things that mystified him. Such as why he closed himself off to those that he should be trusting. Even now, instead of exchanging stupid looks with his friend, he was staring out the window. If it was any of his other friends, they would both be looking at each other and trying to converse without speaking. It would certainly make the time go faster. But with his best friend, the only person that he was completely fascinated by, things were different.

Things were always different if Yama was involved.

There was never an easy way to do anything with him. He always had to argue, or complain, or mutter angrily. That those lips could utter such harsh and cruel words constantly amazed him. They looked like they should only speak the softest and most carefully thought out words. Defiling them with snide comments and obscenities seemed wrong. Other people could use their mouths for such things, but not him. His lips were too good for that. They were always redder when it got too cold, and paler during the summer heat. He occasionally flicked his tongue over them to keep them wet, and was known to bite his lower lip while he debated some unknown problem. They were constantly chapped during the winter, and thus were daily assaulted with an obscene amount of chapstick- cherry, for the flavor, not color. More than once they had been spilt open by someone's hard fist, someone who had ended up lying on the floor seriously injured less than a minute later. Then those lips would turn a deep, deep red from both blood and anger. He might wipe the blood away with his hand, or just let it slowly run down his chin. Either way, his lips maintained that color for the next few days, until the small imperfection finally healed over. He knew instinctively that there must by tiny lines running along his lips, as there were on everyone else's, but he had never gotten close enough to see this for himself. He had seen them pressed together in frustration or disappointment, parted slightly from shock or a wandering mind, and twisted up in every sort of smirk imaginable. He treasured the rare times he was allowed to see them curved upwards in small smiles. Not the big smiles that sometimes showed up, accenting perfectly aligned and whiter than white teeth, as those were mainly for people who did not know Yama at all. It was the small ones that let him know his friend was pleased, but was too embarrassed to show it. Those pale red, smoothed over lips only seemed good for one thing...

One thing that he couldn't really think about.

But Yama's face, now that he could think about. He could think about when he had seen a blush creep along the curves of that face. It wasn't often, and when it happened it was almost always from anger or an illness. When Yama was sick, his face turned red almost instantaneously, from the heat of the fever. But that was a different sort of blush. Blushing from anger happened another way. When he became angry- truly angry, not just showed the temper that he always had- the reddish tinge would spread upwards from his neck. It traveled along the sides of his face and met in the middle in a sudden collision. It happens so quickly, though, that it appeared to happen all at once. But he knew better. Yama never did anything all at once. Everything happened in stages. The striking boy wasn't a casual sort of person. Even when he blushed from embarrassment, it wasn't that sudden red that most people turn. The tips of his ears became a slight pink at first, which he knew infuriated the blonde. Then the pink would slowly spread down until his ears were completely covered with it. The color would deepen a little, and travel high across his cheeks and the bridge of his nose. Then it would fade a little until it flared up dramatically in his forehead and the bottom of his cheeks. Of course, it almost never got the chance to go that far. Most people never saw Yama when he was that far gone, but he knew it happened. He had seen it a few times, and each time it had made him smile.

What would it be like, to be the reason that blush occurred? For his friend to glance up at him, a surprised look carefully hidden on his face. A thought that the boy wouldn't want known would make its way into his head, and the dusting of pink would cross over his ears. He would watch as it traveled the well-known route, and as Yama tried to fight it off. His lips would part slightly, surprised at the direction his thoughts were going. Only a small parting, but there nonetheless. His eyes would widen fractionally, and become a blue so intense he wouldn't be able to hold that color for long. A hand would come up, unconsciously fixing the strands of blonde that threatened to revolt against their carefully structured prison. The strands would stay still just long enough for the hand to leave, then they would move again. But Yama would not move, still too intent on his thought that was secret enough to make him act in ways that made his imagination run wild.

Then the blush would lessen, disappearing as all wondrous things must. It would fade from that face slowly, almost regretting its' own departure. The lips would come back together, and curl slightly in recognition of a longtime friend. Those cold eyes would lose that spectacular color much too soon, instead warming to a non-lethal blue at the presence of a familiar face. His hand would rise once more, this time in a slight gesture of greeting. It would completely ignore the blonde wisps that darted around freely, daring to try and escape from the ever-present confines they were held in. Their freedom would be short-lived, but joyously remembered. And then a voice would speak that had invaded his dreams countless times, and he would shiver slightly at the knowledge that it was directed at him.

And all of this would happen because of him. Because the blonde had looked up and seen him standing there. Because the thoughts that ran through his mind when he was alone were suddenly being shared with this beautiful person. Because the blonde thought about his friend in ways that he shouldn't, and yet couldn't stop. Because he felt the same way, yet was too afraid to ever say anything.

And for once in his life, everything would make sense. Their thoughts would merge, and they would come together in ways that he hardly dared to dream of. Eyes staring into eyes, lips crushing against lips, and fingers darting along bare skin.

He instinctively knew it would never happen. He knew that such things were only desperate fantasies and daydreams at best. Often they were the worst and most vivid dark desires which plagued him at night. But he couldn't forget, didn't want to lose such images. Even if they were meant only to torture him, he clung to them like a drowning man clings to a small piece of driftwood. They were available to him now, and he would take them and use them for all he was worth. Soon enough they would be swept away and he would be left to drown.

It was probably wrong of him to think like this. It was probably something that would get him in serious trouble if he ever said anything out loud. Just like his secret nickname. Yama would never agree to it if he heard it. There was just no way. And he would, ironically, never get enough courage to ask. He called him Matt out of habit and affection, but he thought Yama out of love.

He had said it more than once, accidentally. When they had been arguing, and his mouth was working faster than his mind was. But Yama had never caught it, and if he had, he had never said anything. The blonde always threw himself into arguments with more gusto than anything else he did, except for his music.

Oh, music. That was the one thing that Yama was addicted to. The boy could listen for hours on end to anything. He loved all types of music. Classical, folk, country, jazz, R&B, dance, techno, pop, hip-hop, punk, ska- he loved them all. But he especially loved rock and roll. It was his passion, his reason to live another day. He had already mastered the harmonica according to the digidestined, but he said he still needed more practice. Now, however, he was focusing more on rock and roll. He learned how to play the guitar so he could perform more rock songs, and practiced singing whenever he was alone. Whenever he asked if he could listen to Yama sing, he was flatly refused. Yama was still too self-conscious.

But he had overheard, once or twice, when the blonde was singing softly while walking up to his house, or when he was humming while he worked on some project that didn't require his attention. And he always listened when the boy sang along to a song on the radio. The soft voice always captivated him, drawing him into the melody faster than any popular band could. It was low and smooth and bittersweet and everything he could have ever wanted in someone's voice. The high notes leapt off of a cliff and flew for unknown seconds before crashing back down. The low notes shouted at him from caverns that echoed the sound around tenfold, reverberating within his mind. One of his fondest wishes was to hear that voice singing to him, loudly and clearly and beautifully like he knew it would.

It was getting harder and harder to continue being friends with Yama. They would be at the mall, window shopping due to a never-ceasing lack of money. Yama would point out something that he wanted, and the urge to buy it as a surprise swept over him without warning. Disappointment took its place as they both moved on, knowing full well that the desired item would be forgotten by tomorrow. They would be at a restaurant, laughing over some stupid thing. The people next to them would ask for one milkshake, and would share it with two straws in that way that was so corny but he desperately wanted to try. And then their waitress would come up, and they would each order a separate milkshake. They would be in a movie theater, watching some flick that one or the other had wanted to see. He would be able to feel Yama sitting so close to him, their hands brushing against each other as they shared an armrest and an extra-large bag of buttered, salted, and highly fattening popcorn. A couple would be sitting nearby, and suddenly one hand would go around someone's shoulders. That person would lean into the embrace, and both would be content. His own hand itched to cover Yama's shoulders like that, but instead it gripped the armrest tighter. Yama felt the pressure and moved his hand slightly away. Both continued to watch the movie, popcorn long forgotten. They would be sitting in his living room, watching television. Yama would be leaning against the couch that he was lounging on. Some commercials would come on, and the blonde would let his head fall back in frustration. He would feel a slight pressure where Yama's head fell, and stared at the soft hair that was so close. He would reach out and touch it, gently, twisting a few strands around his fingers. The blonde would lean into him a little more, for some reason comforted by the movement. And Hikari would walk in, and his hand would drop. And she would ask what they were doing, and they would say nothing. And she would shrug and wander away innocently, and his hand would stay at his side, and Yama's head would lift up when the commercials ended.

And all of these happened often enough that it was like a physical pain inside of him. Only it wasn't physical, it wasn't and never would be. And he would have to accept that someday.

Maybe not today. But someday soon, he'd have to accept the fact that Yama would never want him the way he wanted to be wanted.

And that would hurt more than all the physical pain in the world ever could.

But it wasn't that day yet.

It was still today, and today he could still dream.

And he did.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Detention seemed to take forever. It was a relief when the teacher finally stood up and said they could all leave.

Yamato turned his head to look at Tai, only to find Tai staring at him. Not just looking, but staring. He immediately ran over his behavior in the last hour. Had he been acting weird? Had he done anything wrong? He couldn't think of anything, but he could never be sure. He always seemed to make people uncomfortable, even when he wasn't trying to.

"Tai?"

No response. Yamato narrowed his eyes at the brunette.

"Tai."

"..."

"Tai!"

Tai's head snapped up, and he blinked. "Huh?"

"It's time to go."

"What?"

"Detention is over, Tai," he replied, enunciating as clearly as possible. "We can leave now. Unless you really feel like hanging around for a few more hours, then sure. Why not?"

"Oh, uh... sorry," Tai said, blushing. "I was just, uh, thinking."

Yamato rolled his eyes. "Yeah, well, think somewhere else, okay?" He grabbed his book bag before Tai could and swung it over his shoulders. He caught the look Tai gave him and ignored it. "Let's go already."

"Matt," Tai said, and held out his hand. "Give it to me."

Yamato rolled his eyes and walked towards the door.

"Matt."

"I'm leaving now, Tai."

"And just how, exactly, are you planning on getting into my house?"

"..."

"Because that's where we're going, right? To my house to hang out, right?"

"...Shut up, Tai." A triumphant grin spread across his friend's face, and Yamato sighed. "Well, come on then."

They walked out of the classroom together, stopping briefly at their lockers before leaving the hated learning institution completely. When they were finally outside again, Yamato took a deep breathe of air. The cold air felt great, brushing against his face slightly like that. He was glad that Tai had let him carry his own book bag, but it meant that they were walking even slower than normal. Which might have been a bad thing on any other day, but today he felt that it was quite alright to waste time by walking with Tai. Especially when Tai kept glancing at him and looking away. It was fun to watch him do that. He had absolutely no idea why the boy would be trying to surreptitiously glance at him, but it was amusing nonetheless. He debated whether or not to mention this to Tai. He probably would have, but Tai would have stopped, and the amusement would have ceased as well. That was not an option, so he let Tai think that he was being stealthy. It was very entertaining.

Of course, he was not glancing at Tai. Oh, no, he was staring straight ahead and occasionally checking what his friend was doing out of the corner of his eyes. Tai would never notice. It was a genius plan.

They continued walking in silence next to each other, both content to just spend time in the other's company. Most days they chatted on about something or other, but days that they walked quietly next to each other were rare. Especially this sort of peaceful quiet. Most times they were silent, it was because they had just fought. But this type of relaxing atmosphere soothed Yamato over more than lying in bed all day could have. He enjoyed the change of pace, and convinced himself not to worry about what Tai thought of him for a few moments. Which was another rarity in itself. Worrying about what others thought of him, or rather how little they thought of him, was a constant source of discomfort for the blonde. But then, it seemed that most things could easily worry him.

But he wasn't going to think about that now. He wasn't going to think anything like that for the next day or so. Nope. He wasn't. When he was at Tai's house, he would act normal. He would be able to watch movies and joke around and play a stupid board game and suffer through horrible cooking and sleep in the same room as his friend and not go up to him and not beg to be held and not cry and not look at him and not think about how beautiful he was. Yep, he'd be able to do all of that.

Easily.

He just had to start it now. If he waited until he got to Tai's house, it would be too late. They'd be in Tai's territory, and Yamato knew he didn't have much of a say over what went on while they were at the brunette's house. Tai always went through the trouble of finding stuff for them to do, so he felt bad about throwing a wrench in the plans.

Besides, anything he wanted to do was fine. As long as he could spend time with Tai. That was what really mattered. Even if he tried to ignore that it mattered, he knew it did. And he was happy that Tai hadn't pushed him away yet.

One day soon he would slip. He would say or do something that would disgust his friend, and he'd be left alone. Not that he wasn't alone now, but it was nice to pretend. He could convince himself that Tai really did like him, and it wasn't just some sort of game to screw with his mind. That was the sort of thing he could expect from his mother, but not Tai. His friend would never turn on him like that.

But then, he would have said the same thing years ago. Before everything with his parents happened, he would have sworn that his mother would always love him. Maybe she still did, and he just didn't get it. That was probably it. He was probably just too stupid to understand what was going on. He tried to understand, but he could never figure it out until it was time to make a choice. And he always, always made the wrong one.

It was one of the few things he could count on in life.

Another thing was the fact that no one needed him. At first he had tried to deny this, but after years of evidence he just couldn't keep up the façade any longer. It was obvious that people could make do just fine without him around. His brother seemed to be doing fine, and they only saw each other once a week. He never saw his mother if he could help it, and she seemed happier without him. His father always left whenever possible. He said it was to make more money, but what if that wasn't really it? He knew his father loved him. In a way, he did know that. It was just hard sometimes- to remember.

And his friends were better off without him. He was always the one who caused problems. But he couldn't stop. He needed to let them know what he thought. If they liked him when he wasn't acting at all like himself, well, then they didn't really like him, did they? But if only hid small portions of himself, then that was okay. Because they knew and liked most of him.

But really, they did so much better when he wasn't around. What did he ever do for them? Nothing they couldn't have done on their own. He was needed in the digital world, but here in reality he wasn't. He really, really wasn't.

"Hey, Matt?"

"Hmm?"

"What are you thinking about?"

"... Nothing." And he was, really. He was thinking about nothing. Nothing. He wasn't thinking about anything at all.

"Hmm..."

"..."

"Why is it that whenever you say that I get the feeling you're lying to me?"

"Don't know."

"Well, maybe I should just try and relax more?"

"Yeah... maybe."

"So, are you feeling alright?"

"I'm fine, Tai."

"Yeah, but you know how you get when stuff like this happens."

"..."

"... You know, you never tell me when anything's wrong. If you get hurt, you just ignore it until it's either gone or already too far gone to do anything about."

"..."

"It worries me sometimes, that you won't just let me know if you need help."

"..."

"We're friends, right Matt?"

"...Yeah."

"Well, then, you should be able to tell me when something's on your mind or if you're feeling shitty. That's what friends do. They help each other out when stuff gets too much to handle, you know?"

"..."

"And if anything gets too much for you to handle, well, I'm right here."

"..."

"I'll be here forever, Matt. If you ever need me, I'll be here."

"..."

"You don't have to worry about acting cool in front me or anything. I don't care about that sort of thing."

"..."

"I care about making sure you're feeling better."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"You're not feeling better, are you?"

"..."

"I just... I feel so useless when you won't talk to me about the stuff that's bothering you. You know I'll listen, don't you?"

"I know."

"Then why-"

"I just can't sometimes."

"..."

"..."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Can you tell me why?"

He sighed. "Tai, can we drop this subject? Please?"

"Okay, Matt. Sure. Whatever you want."

"I'm not a fucking mental case, you know."

"I know that."

"You don't have to act like a therapist to deal with me."

"You're right."

"I know I am! You can talk to me like a normal person. You don't have to be so fucking nice all the damn time!"

"But I want to be nice."

"Why?!"

"Because I care about you."

"..."

"..."

"Oh."

Tai smiled. "I rented, like, ten movies last night. You wanted to see "Queen of the Damned" and "Memento", right?" Yamato nodded. "Good, I thought that was them. I also picked up the new Kare Kano DVD. Oh, yeah, and I rented that chick flick that was really popular a while ago... um... something about remembering and walking. I'll think of it."

"... "A Walk to Remember"?"

"That's it! Wow, Matt, you're good."

"It wasn't hard to put it together, Tai."

Tai smiled and laughed a little. "See, that's what I love about you."

Yamato felt his heart speed up and forced himself to remain calm. "What?" he asked, trying to sound disinterested.

"You're always there to point out every mistake I make. All the stupid things I do you have been witness to. Well, maybe not all of them, but-"

Yamato looked at Tai incredulously. "You mean there are MORE?!"

Once again Tai flashed his pearly whites. "Yep. There's lots of stupid stuff I do that you don't even know about."

An eyebrow raised. "Really?"

"Oh, yeah, like just the other day I was going down the science hallway in school, and-" Tai stopped short.

"And what, Tai? Please, continue."

"Oh, no, that's okay. It wasn't important, not really."

"Hmm..."

But Tai got off lucky, as far as Yamato was concerned. By then, they were at Tai's house, and he was able to run in front of the blonde as an excuse to open the door. He unlocked it and waited for Yamato. When the blonde didn't come up behind him immediately, he glanced back over his shoulder to see what was keeping the boy. He frowned when he saw Yamato stepping on the steps gingerly.

"Matt?"

"Just... wait."

Yamato ground his teeth together, quickly realizing that Tai's steps were not going to be pleasant to walk up. His feet were already in pain from walking all that time, but he was able to ignore it until he had to cross this hurdle. Mentally preparing himself for the small battle, he began to walk up the stairs.

Until he felt himself being lifted up into the air.

"T-TAI!!" Yamato yelled, trying to keep a blush off of his face. "What are you doing?!"

Tai had one hand under Yamato's knees, and the other holding the blonde's neck and shoulders to his chest. He was smiling, and Yamato desperately hoped he would be put down soon. This made him feel weak, and he hated it.

"I'm carrying you into my house, Matt. Duh."

Yamato snarled and struggled to get out of Tai's arms. "Well, put me down!!"

"Matt, you're only making this more difficult than it has to be."

"More difficult, my ass! I CAN walk, you know!"

"Really? Didn't look that way to me."

"Tai-"

Yamato stopped his protest when he saw a neighbor look out from a window. The old woman smiled at him and called out, "Oh, would you look at that! Little Taichi from across the street is carrying a girl home. Oh, isn't that just the cutest thing." She turned her head inside and screamed louder than he was prepared for, "VINCENT!! VINCENT, COME OVER HERE!! TAICHI'S GOT A CUTE GIRLFRIEND!! COME AND SEE THIS!!"

Yamato knew he was blushing like mad, and he immediately buried his face in Tai's shirt. Tai grinned and whispered, "See, Matt? You made so much commotion that the neighbors heard you." Then he turned around, waving a little before shouting, "Hi Mrs. Minerley! How are you?"

"Oh, I'm fine dear. But look at you! You've got quite a cutie there!" She was smiling broadly, and Yamato had never had the urge to harm someone so much in such a short amount of time before.

Much to Yamato's dismay, Tai kept up the conversation. "Yep, she's a real looker!" Yamato stiffened in Tai's arms, but Tai was grinning down at him. "She's definitely too hot for me to handle!"

Mrs. Minerley suddenly frowned. "Are your parents home, dear?"

"No, they're going to be out tonight. But don't worry, they let her stay over before."

"Really? Hmm... I don't know. Maybe I should come over-"

Tai suddenly shouted, "NO! NO, IT'S OKAY! MY MOM'S COMING HOME AT EIGHT TONIGHT!"

"Oh, really?" The old woman looked relieved. "Well, that's nice."

"Yep."

Yamato did the only thing he was capable of doing. He bit Tai in the stomach, hard. He felt Tai wince and tasted a small amount of blood. Well, good. The bastard deserved it.

"Okay," Tai called, still smiling. "We'll be going now."

"Good-bye, dears. Have a good time!"

"Oh, we will," Tai replied. Then he darted up the stairs, apparently not weighed down at all by Yamato, and kicked open the door to his house. Once they were inside, he leaned back on it to close it behind them.

~*~*~*~*~*~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I kept the adjective list. I don't care how terrible it is, I thought it was awesome at the time. :P


	4. Anxious

Tai leaned against the door and let out a breath. He looked down at Yamato and grinned. The blonde had his face carefully hidden in Tai's shirt.

"Matt?" Tai asked, worried despite his amusement. After all, his friend tended to take things too seriously.

"Tai."

"Uh..... are you okay?"

"Oh, yeah. I'm just fine. Nothing like being called a girl to brighten up my day."

Tai winced at the hateful words. Yamato was so self-conscious about the way he looked. He knew the blonde hated being thought of as beautiful, but even knowing that didn't stop the thought from appearing. Yamato hated that, and he hated the way everyone acted because of it.

Maybe that was the problem.

"Hey, come on, Matt. She can't see too good and she gets confused easily."

"....."

"Is it so bad to be called my girlfriend?" Tai asked, only half-joking.

Yamato sighed. "I'm not a girl," he said, the words slightly muffled by Tai's shirt.

Tai tightened his grip on Yamato, frightened by the unfamiliar tone in the blonde's voice. "I know."

"Let me go."

Tai nodded and gently put Yamato back on his feet. The sudden pressure on the soles of his feet made the small cuts ache, which in turn made Yamato stumble and fall right back into Tai. The shorter boy moved to help his friend, but the blonde help up a hand.

"No, I'm fine."

"But Matt-"

"I'm fine, Tai," he repeated through clenched teeth.

Tai groaned and threw his hands up in the air. "Oh, you're fine alright. Fine enough to BITE me, but not fine enough to walk!"

Yamato flinched at the venom in Tai's voice. "I'm sorry, Tai. I didn't mean to."

"How can you not mean to bite someone?"

"I..... I just didn't know what else to do."

"Well, you didn't have to bite me."

"I said I was sorry, okay?! What more do you want?!"

Tai shook his head. "Forget it, Matt. It's no big deal."

"It was a second ago!"

"What?"

"A big deal! It was a big deal when you were just screaming about it!"

"Look, let's just forget about it, okay?"

"Great. Then can we get out of your hallway now?"

"Sure."

Tai slipped off his shoes and walked through his living room into his bedroom. Yamato took off his own shoes and nearly sighed with relief once his feet were finally free. He gingerly walked over to stand just inside the door to Tai's room.

"Tai?" he called out, after realizing his friend was nowhere to be found.

"Hold on!"

Tai's voice came from the general direction of the bathroom, and Yamato turned around to locate it. He was almost there when Tai reappeared, holding a bunch of bandages and a bottle of Neosporin.

"Come on," Tai said, walking back to his room.

Yamato followed him, feeling guilty. Once they were back in Tai's room, he asked, "I didn't hurt you that badly, did I?"

"Huh?"

"You know, when I bit you. I didn't realize that I had really hurt you."

Tai snorted. "What are you talking about? These aren't for me."

"Huh? But then why-"

Tai rolled his eyes. "Sometimes you're completely clueless, you know that?" He pushed the blonde towards his bed. Yamato sat down and looked at Tai.

"What are you-"

Tai shushed him, waving a hand for emphasis. "Just stay there."

Yamato narrowed his eyes. "Tai, don't order me around."

"Listen now, complain later, okay?"

"Tai."

The brunette brought everything over to the bed and sat down on the floor in front of Yamato.

"Tai, you're not going to-"

"Yes, I am."

"No, you're not."

"Give me your foot."

"No."

Tai sighed. "Matt, come on."

"Hell no!" Yamato pulled his feet up and held them against his chest.

Tai rolled his eyes. "You're being ridiculous."

"I don't care."

"Stop being so damn stubborn."

"No."

"Matt-"

"I said no!"

Tai jumped up, suddenly grabbing for Yamato's foot. The blonde tried to move back, but ended up falling backwards on the bed. Tai took the opportunity to hold on to one of his legs.

Yamato felt like arguing, but didn't really have the energy. What did it matter, anyway? Tai would always do what he wanted to, whether or not he agreed. And this wasn't even a big deal. Yamato needed his feet to be taken care of, and Tai seemed more than willing to accommodate him. What was the problem here?

Since he had no answer, or at least none that he was willing to share, he let Tai take his foot. Just lying on his back, staring up at the ceiling, hair spread around his face, and arms flung out to the sides seemed to be enough for him. Any more activity and he would start complaining again. It was better to remain inactive and peaceful.

His feet felt numb, which was, all in all, a good thing. He was extremely ticklish, and he knew once Tai found out he was done for. So it was quite a good thing that he couldn't feel Tai's fingers touching the bottom of his foot.

"Tai?" he asked, wondering why the brunette hadn't yet reached for the bandages. When there was no response, he tried again. "Taichi?"

"Hmm?" But the voice was distant, as if his mind was completely elsewhere.

Yamato lifted his head up to find Tai staring at him. He narrowed his gaze, already quite sick of his friend's new hobby. He was beginning to think he had a permanent spot on his head or something. "What?!"

"Oh, nothing," Tai said, grinning.

He rolled his eyes and let his head flop back down on the bed. "Well, hurry up and do it already!"

"Alright, alright, keep your clothes on."

Both boys blushed, and an uncomfortable silence lasted for all of three seconds. That was how long it took Tai to grab the bottom of Yamato's foot and inspect it.

"Matt?"

"Yeah?"

"You call THIS bandaging something?"

Yamato shrugged. "I told you I only had band-aids. It's not like I'm always running around banging into things, and therefore keep a first aid kit close to me at all times."

"I'm not always running around banging into things."

"I didn't say that."

"But you implied it."

"I implied a lot of things."

"..... You did?"

"Oh yes."

"Oh. Well, I knew that."

"Of course you did."

"I did!"

"I'm only agreeing with you. No need to get so pushy."

"You know, I can tell when you're playing with me."

"What do you mean?"

"When you do stuff like this. I can tell!"

"Stuff like what, Tai?"

"Like this! Like using words in ways that piss me off. I get it, you know."

"I never said you didn't."

"But you implied it."

"Back to this now, are we?"

Yamato knew that he was getting on Tai's nerves, and he smiled. He loved pushing him like this. It was just so fun. He felt a tug and realized that Tai must be trying to pull the band-aids off of his feet. He smirked.

"Having trouble?"

"It's amazing, Matt."

"What is?"

"Even your feet are stubborn."

"Ha. Ha..... Ha."

"I know. I'm too much for you to handle."

"Always."

Yamato heard Tai gasp a little when he eventually pried the band-aids away from his feet. Yamato was once again glad that his feet were numb. They must have looked pretty bad if Tai couldn't even stop a reaction like gasping. Normally, the brunette had somewhat more control over what he did.

"What?" Yamato asked, worried. "What's wrong?" He pushed himself up to a sitting position and found Tai staring at the bottom of his feet. "Tai?" He really wanted to pull his foot up and see what Tai was gaping at. "Tai!"

"What?!" he snapped, quickly meeting a pair of angry, questioning, and slightly frightened blue eyes.

"Umm..... nothing, I guess."

Tai just looked back down and closed his eyes. "You've really done it to yourself this time, Matt." Yamato didn't know what to say. "I can't believe you were walking around all day like this."

Yamato lowered his gaze, feeling guilty that Tai was worried about him. Did he always have to make people feel bad? Wasn't there a way he could make someone feel better?

Tai sighed. "Don't worry about it, Matt."

"I-I'm not worried."

Tai smiled. "Don't lie to me," he said, softly.

"Sorry," Yamato heard himself say. He winced at the way the word sounded.

Tai mumbled a reply of some sort, which Yamato didn't quite catch. Then, the brunette started applying the Neosporin to the bottom of his foot, which he figured must have looked pretty bad. Tai eventually capped the bottle, and got the bandages. He lifted Yamato's foot up gently, and asked the blonde if he would hold it there. He forced his leg to remain still, which was difficult as it was suspended in mid-air. But Tai's hand was under his shin as a support, and his other hand was busy wrapping the bandage around his foot.

They were silent during this. Yamato had no idea what to say, and still felt completely guilty for some reason he couldn't quite place. Tai, on the other hand, seemed immersed in the task at hand, and apparently was not interested in making conversation.

Yamato watched Tai's hand as he wrapped the bandage around his foot. The small white linen moved around his foot haphazardly, going evenly across and covering each section that looked even slightly bloody. Tai eventually finished, and he cut the end of the bandage, tying it tightly. He released his hold on Yamato's leg, and the blonde gratefully let his leg drop.

Yamato held his other foot out to Tai without being asked to, and was rewarded with a small smile. He still didn't feel it when Tai began pulling the band-aids off of his foot, and he didn't feel it when the tan hand held his foot up to look at it.

"Tai?"

"Hmm?"

"You know, it probably looks the same as the other one did."

"Yeah."

"So, um, you don't really have to look at it again, right?"

"Right."

But he continued staring anyway.

Yamato remained silent, strangely pleased that Tai should want to pay so much attention to him. He saw Tai reach for the Neosporin, and the process repeated itself once more. When both feet were done, he thought he was free. But it was not to be.

"Your knees and hands got cut up too, right?"

"Yeah, but it's okay. They're not really bothering me or anything-" Tai just looked at him. Yamato sighed. "Fine."

Tai grasped the bottoms of Yamato's pants and rolled them up to just above the boy's knees. The brunette leaned forward, kneeling now so it was easier to reach the injured area.

"No band-aids?"

"No band-aids."

"Ah," Tai said, nodding. "Of course you would only do the least possible when it comes to taking care of yourself. I almost forgot who I was dealing with here."

Immediately pissed off, Yamato spat out, "What's that supposed to mean?"

Tai shrugged. "You tell me."

Yamato raised an eyebrow. "Getting hostile?"

"You're the one who's yelling."

"But I ALWAYS yell!"

Tai nodded. "You yell way too much."

Yamato glared at him. "Are you gonna do this, or what?"

"Calm down, I'll do it." Tai reached down for the Neosporin, uncapping it. "If I don't, it won't get done," he muttered angrily.

"Tai-"

Yamato wanted to say more, but just then the medicine touched his skin. He was brutally reminded about why he hated letting other people treat him anytime he got cut. He gasped as Tai rubbed his hand over both of his knees, smoothing the burning medicine out over the many cuts. Tai stopped all movement and looked at Yamato's face.

"It hurts?"

Yamato nodded.

"But you were fine when I put it on your feet."

"Yeah, well, my feet are numb. I couldn't feel it."

"Oh."

Tai continued applying the medicine, only this time slower and more careful then before. Yamato tried to stop wincing, but he couldn't help it. It just stung. Every time Tai's hand went over one of the cuts, it stung and hurt more than it had all day. It just hurt too much. He was insanely grateful when Tai stopped, and slumped his shoulders in relief.

"Matt?"

"Yeah, Tai?"

"You okay?"

"Mm."

Tai looked doubtful, but nodded. "Alright." He picked up the bandages and wrapped them around the cuts carefully, gently. Once he was finished with both, Yamato flexed his knees a little. He could move them, but the bandages seemed to get tighter if he did. He figured that was how it was supposed to feel.

"I need your hands, Matt."

Yamato nodded and held out his hands, but Tai surprised him by sitting down on the bed next to him. It was easier to just lay his hands on Tai's lap, though, than it would have been holding them out in front of him. He let the backs of his hands rest against Tai's legs, and was finally able to watch as Tai took out the much hated bottle of Neosporin.

He glanced up from his own hands to find Tai watching him. Their eyes locked together as the brunette applied the medicine for the last time, and Yamato tried not to let his face show how much it stung. He thought he was succeeding until Tai frowned and looked down.

"Sorry," he whispered.

Yamato felt his heart ache, and he quickly replied, "No, no, it's okay! It's okay, Tai. I know you have to, so I don't mind."

But Tai kept his eyes on Yamato's hands, and was visibly tense until he finally closed the Neosporin bottle. Bandaging his hands was easier this time, since he only had to let Tai hold them. Tai bandaged each one carefully, making sure to leave enough room for Yamato's fingers to move around. Once he was done with one hand, Yamato squeezed his fingers together a few times.

"That okay?" Tai asked.

"Mm."

Tai nodded and repeated the procedure with Yamato's other hand. Once both were done, he moved to stand up, but Yamato laid a hand against his chest.

"Matt?"

"If I had to go through this, so do you," the blonde replied. He lifted Tai's shirt up, uncovering the circular wound he had put there earlier. He pushed a finger against it and heard Tai wince. Yamato frowned. "I thought you said it didn't hurt."

Tai shrugged. "It doesn't. It only hurts when you're pushing on it like that."

Yamato nodded and grabbed the Neosporin. "Pay back time," he said, grinning.

"Oh, no," Tai said, laughing. "Anything but that."

"You'll be sorry you ever messed with me, Yagami."

"I beg your forgiveness, Ishida! Please, spare me from the torture that is Neosporin!"

"NEVER!!" Yamato cried out, pushing Tai down. He fell backwards on the bed, and Yamato kneeled down on top of him, one leg on either side of the brunette. "You'll have to suffer like I did."

Tai laughed louder, and reached up to pull Yamato's head down towards his own. "Somehow, I don't think I'll mind so much."

Yamato laughed and laid his head down next to Tai's. "You're lucky I owe you, or I wouldn't be doing this."

"Mmm, very lucky." Tai chuckled. "But you don't owe me anything."

"Yes, I do. I bit you."

"Oh. You owe me from that?"

"Yep." Yamato nodded, and felt Tai's hair brushing against his own. He smiled.

Tai smiled at his friend's movements, and he reached a hand up and ran it through Yamato's hair. "Then I think you should bite me more often."

They stayed that way for a minute, both loving the feel of their bodies pressed together. Yamato memorized the way Tai's hand moved around on his head, and the way the tan toes wiggled against his lower leg. It felt so right to be here, like he had finally found a place where he fit in. Somewhere that he belonged.

And that thought scared him more than any other thought he had ever had. Because he really didn't belong here, did he? Lying on top of Tai, their heads next to each other, both smiling. This was something that he could never have. Not the way he wanted it. Tai thought of him as a friend, nothing more. He was just a touchy-feely sort of person. That was all there was to this. If he thought about it logically, rationally, it only made sense that Tai wanted to be close to his best friend. That's really what it was. He didn't fit in here. He didn't fit in anywhere. He had to remember that. The second he forgot, he would be in trouble. Because he would say or do something that would be completely wrong, and Tai would realize what the blonde really thought about during moments like these. And the brunette would push him away, and then he didn't want to think about what would happen. He didn't. Because what would happen would break him. He wouldn't be able to get over it. So he had to keep his distance, even when Tai wanted to get closer.

But every now and again, moments like this one were okay. They had to be okay. If he rejected Tai, he would hurt his friend. But if he gave in like he wanted to, his friend would reject him. It was a thin line he walked, and one he had almost crossed over many times. But he always managed to regain his balance, and he would do so again.

So he ignored Tai's breath on his face, forgot about the way a hand was curved slightly into his back, and forced his mind not to think about what he was doing.

He pushed himself up off of Tai, and sat down, facing away from him. Tai laid still for a few seconds, then sat up, next to Yamato.

"Matt?"

"....."

"What's wrong?"

He shrugged, and then turned to face his friend. He wasn't prepared for the sadness in those amber eyes, but he had years of experience hiding his feelings. He didn't show any reaction to them at all. He instead looked around for the Neosporin and put some on his hand. He carefully avoided Tai's gaze as he applied it to the small mark on his stomach.

Unfortunately, this meant looking only at Tai's stomach. Now, Yamato had sort of figured that Tai would be muscled, since he played so much soccer. And he had seen the boy many times in the locker room. But this was different. Sitting on Tai's bed, in Tai's room, staring at Tai's muscles made Yamato think about other things he'd rather be doing right now. He immediately halted those thoughts when he felt his ears turn pink, but he knew the effort was futile.

He capped the Neosporin and got the bandages, hoping Tai wouldn't notice the blush that had made it's home on Yamato's cheeks. Tai didn't make any comments at all, and Yamato quickly cut the bandage into pieces, then covered over the small bite mark.

Once he finished, he became instantly relieved. Then he felt a hand brush against his cheek, and Yamato looked up to find Tai staring at him. He dropped the bandages in surprise. They rolled away from him to the other side of the room, and Yamato stared after them.

"Matt....."

"T-Tai?" he squeaked, completely unsure of what was going on.

Tai opened his mouth to speak, but then closed it. The tan boy shut his eyes and said, "You had something on your face."

Yamato immediately snapped back to reality. "Oh, uh, thanks," he replied. He got up and walked across the room to retrieve the bandages.

"Sure," Tai said, pulling down his shirt and frowning. "No problem."

Yamato felt the pressure on his feet and grimaced slightly. It did, however, feel a lot better than it had that morning. He picked up the bandages and Neosporin, and said, "I'll just put these back."

"Okay."

Yamato walked out of the room, completely aware that Tai was still staring at him. Damn it, how was he supposed to ignore it when Tai was acting all weird around him? It was seriously starting to piss him off. If Tai had something to say, he had better say it. And soon. All this staring shit has to stop. He was sick of it. If Tai wanted to look at him, then fine. He didn't care. But come on, it was becoming obsessive now. He just couldn't deal with it anymore.

At least, that's what he thought until he found Tai waiting for him in the living room. Tai was sitting on the couch, sorting out movies in front of him. He had changed into a pair of pajama pants while Yamato was putting everything away. No shirt, though. Just the pants. Yamato suddenly thought that he could deal with whatever Tai wanted to do. Yep, just about anything that Tai wanted to do, and a lot that he probably wouldn't want to, was alright with him.

Yamato stepped forward into the room a little, trying to get oxygen to circulate through his lungs. He was used to this. He was completely used to the fact that Taichi was gorgeous and sexy and unattainable. This was nothing new. Why was he acting so obvious? Anyone other than Tai would have figured it out by now, he was sure. But this was Tai, and he was not known for being the brightest crayon in the box. It was a trait that normally annoyed or vaguely amused him, but now he was insanely grateful.

"Matt?"

Startled out of his reverie, Yamato blinked and focused on Tai. The boy was staring at him, but somehow Yamato thought it was due to the fact that he had been standing in the door for an indeterminate amount of time instead of another way to exercise his newfound hobby of staring at the blonde whenever time permitted.

Yamato blinked again and shrugged. He walked over and threw himself down on the couch, leaving just enough room for Tai.

"Gee, why don't you stretch out a little, Matt?"

"I think I will."

"I was being sarcastic!"

"I understood that, but thanks for pointing it out anyway."

Tai sighed and glanced over at Yamato. "You know, you're lucky we're friends. If this was anyone else, I'd push them off."

"You would not."

"Yes I would!"

Yamato looked at him. "You would not."

"Okay, maybe I wouldn't, but I'd put up more of a fight!"

Yamato shrugged and managed to make it look graceful even while lying down with his head propped up on the couch's arm.

"That's skill."

"Huh?"

Tai blushed, not realizing he had said what he was thinking. "I, uh, just mean when you were shrugging."

"What?"

Tai shook his head. "Forget it."

Yamato just gave him a strange look. "Whatever." He reached down and picked up a random movie, then turned it over to read the back. "So, what are we watching?"

Tai gestured to the movies. "I just rented a whole bunch of movies. I figured we'd probably be up most of the night, so why not?"

Yamato smirked. "So you don't care?"

Tai smiled. "Not really. I just like being with you."

He mentally cursed Tai for careless comments, his face for blushing, his mind for jumping to conclusions, and the deity that obviously existed only to torment him.

"Yeah, well, who wouldn't?" he responded, hoping to cover any other reaction Tai might sense from him. It must have worked, because in a minute Tai was leaning forward and going over the movies he had picked.

"True," Tai muttered absently. He raked a tan hand through his dark hair, eyes scanning over the choices. "Well, do you want horror or action? Comedy or romance? It's all here."

"Romance?" Yamato repeated, smirking. "What romance movie did you pick, Tai?"

"Umm..... 'Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon'." At Yamato's snort, Tai looked up. "What?"

"That's not a romance."

"It is!"

"It's totally not. It's an action movie, with a side romance going on."

"So? It still counts."

"No, it doesn't. Then, every movie would be a romance."

Tai threw his hands up in the air. "Fine, then, since you know so much, you pick."

Yamato shrugged. "Okay." He glanced through the rest of the movies. 'The Sixth Sense', 'The General's Daughter', 'Memento', 'The Breakfast Club', 'Frailty', 'Dumb and Dumber', 'The Master of Disguise', and 'UHF'.

The blonde shook his head. "Nope, lost it."

"What?"

"I had a growing admiration for your taste in movies, but I lost it after 'Dumb and Dumber'."

Tai just stared at him. "Why? That's a great movie."

Yamato stared back. "Are you serious?"

Tai shrugged. "Yeah, it's hilarious. Why? You don't think so?"

"Umm..... how to say this? No. Definitely not."

Tai shrugged. "Well I love comedies."

"I hate comedies."

"I know that. I picked up some movies that I thought you'd like."

"Well, the first few are excellent. They really make you think. And the acting's amazing. Those first ones were great movies."

Tai looked disappointed. "Oh, you've seen them already?"

"Uh, yeah."

"Oh."

"Why? Does it matter?"

"No."

"Oh."

"I just thought you hadn't seen them."

"Have you?"

"What?"

"Seen them?"

"No."

Yamato's mouth dropped open. "What?!" He quickly held up a movie. "You mean to say you've never seen 'The Sixth Sense'?"

"Umm, no."

Yamato handed it over to Tai. "Well, that's it then. There can be no more arguing on this matter. The subject is closed. You must see this movie, right now. You poor, poor, deprived child."

Tai grinned. "That good?"

"Unbelievable."

The brunette stood up and walked over to the VCR. "Well, that's it then. Matt has spoken, I can only obey."

"Damn straight."

Tai pushed the video tape into the VCR and sat back down on the couch. Well, he tried to. Yamato's feet had taken residence where he had intended to sit.

"Matt."

"Hmm?"

"Your feet."

Yamato shrugged. "I can't move them." He grinned wickedly. "I'm in pain, remember?" He scrunched his face up and lifted his leg a little, then moaned and dropped it down again. "It hurts too much! I can't take it anymore!"

Tai rolled his eyes and lifted the blonde's feet up off the couch, much to the protestations of Yamato. Then, he sat down and let the pair of feet drop into his lap.

"There. Happy now?" Tai asked.

Yamato froze for half a second and nodded exuberantly. "Oh, yes. You're so much more comfortable than the couch." He lifted his legs and let his feet fall against Tai several times. "Yep, this is much better."

Tai grinned affectionately. "Stop being such an ass."

Yamato sighed. "I try, really I do. It's just unavoidable at times." Tai might have responded with something witty (hey, the possibility was always there), when the movie started. "Shh!" Yamato hissed, effectively silencing the other boy. "It's starting. Pay attention."

Taichi leaned back against the couch and tried to relax. It was sort of hard to do, considering that Yama was lounging over him. But, hey, he could focus. He could totally focus. There was absolutely no way that he was going to sit here for the entire movie and think about how close they were. Besides, it was only his feet, really. What was there to think about?

Yamato was glad that he had already seen this movie. He was barely paying attention. His concentration was solely on his feet. Or, to be more exact, on not moving his feet. If he just kept them still, maybe he could forget that they were actually on someone he wanted to fuck senseless.

Tai moved a little, rearranging himself. Both boys held their breath until he was still again.

But a scream from the screen caught both of their attentions.

"Huh?"

Yamato sighed, glad for a distraction. "Weren't you paying attention?"

"Uh....."

"Tai, I told you to pay attention!" Yamato slid his legs off Tai and stood up. "What were you doing?"

"Uh..... thinking."

Yamato snorted. "Yeah, and that's really hard for you, isn't it?" He rewound the tape, and walked back over to the couch. "Pay attention this time! I'm serious. It's really important, Tai!"

At the brunette's nod, Yamato laid back down on the couch. He hesitated before putting his feet back on Tai, but figured it would seem weird if he didn't.

After that small distraction, both Yamato and Taichi were able to enjoy the rest of the movie. Although Tai had a tendency to ask questions at vital points in the story ('Wait, why's he in the closet again?') and Yamato liked to give his opinions of characters as soon as they got on the screen ('Oh, he's a prick. I hate him. You'll see, just watch.'), they both enjoyed watching it together. As always.

After 'The Sixth Sense' ended, Yamato looked at Tai. "Well?" he asked, anxious despite himself to get his friend's opinion.

Tai was staring at the closing credits. "Wow," he said.

"I know."

"Just..... wow."

Yamato smiled. "I knew you'd like it."

"So was he really-"

"Yep."

"The whole time?"

"Uh-huh."

"..... wow."

"I know."

Tai poked at Yamato's feet. "Come on, get up. I'm hungry."

The blonde immediately retracted his feet and stood up. "What have you got to eat?"

"Nothing."

Yamato raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really?"

Tai nodded. "Check for yourself. My mom only buys poisonous food, or stuff that it's impossible to eat."

"Hmm....." Yamato turned around and walked towards the kitchen. "Somehow I seriously doubt that." The kitchen tiles felt cold even through his bandages, and a small shiver traveled up his spine before he could stop it. He shook it off and opened the refrigerator. It was, as always, overflowing with food of all kinds.

"Matt?" Tai called from the living room.

"Tai."

"Do you see what I mean? Absolutely nothing that I can eat at all!"

Yamato rolled his eyes. "Ah, yes. I can clearly see what you're talking about. It's obvious that you're being deprived even as we speak."

"See?!"

"....."

"Matt, I swear, one of these days I'm going to actually figure out what the hell it is you're trying to tell me when you go all silent like that, and when I do, you'll be sorry."

"I must say, I find you unbelievably threatening."

"Shut up."

"Really, it's almost too much for me to take."

"Matt-"

"Almost."

"Shut-"

"But not quite."

"Stop interrupting!"

"..... Were you trying to say something?"

Yamato heard a faint growl and smirked. A thud came from the living room, and Tai came stomping into the kitchen seconds later. He looked ready to kill, which shouldn't have amused Yamato at all. It did, though.

Ah, well.

"You okay, Tai?" he asked, blue eyes sparkling. "You seem to be a bit upset."

Tai gestured angrily towards the refrigerator. "Look, I don't get why we're arguing here. If you'd take a second to look at what's there instead of just jumping down my throat maybe we wouldn't have an issue." He threw his hand sin the air and turned his back to Yamato. "But noo- you're just not happy unless you're proving me wrong, are you?" He glared over his shoulder at his friend.

"But proving you wrong is so much fun."

"Matt!"

"Are you really going to take that joy away from me?" When Tai didn't respond, Yamato shrugged and turned his attention back to the refrigerator. Glancing over the contents again, he realized that there was mainly fruits and vegetables there. The blonde's eyebrows raised. "Wow, Tai- your mom's a vegetarian?"

"No!" Tai replied, turning back around in a huff. "She just thinks I need to eat better! She says it'll help me get healthier!"

Yamato tried to hide his smile, and figured he was doing a damn good job of it. "It probably will."

"What?"

"Well, you're not known for your eating habits, Tai."

Tai looked at him, then shook his head. "I can't believe this. You're taking her side."

"I'm not."

"You are."

"I'm not taking anyone's side."

"I can't believe you're agreeing with her!"

"Tai, what are you going on about now?"

"Forget it, Matt. Forget it. I thought I could count on you to agree with me on this, but apparently not. You're not even trying to hide it."

"Hide what?!"

Tai glowered at him. "The fact that you and my mother are ganging up against me. This is some horrible evil plot, I just know it."

"Tai, would you please shut up? Please? Before I hurt you in ways you don't want to think about."

"I just can't-"

"I am not responsible for any injury that may result in what I'm about to do."

Tai held his hands up in a peace-making gesture. "Fine, fine. Shutting up."

"Good." He began to rummage through the refrigerator, and took out various items.

"What are you doing?" Tai asked, curious enough to be asking even though he was supposed to be shutting up.

"What does it look like?"

"Umm....."

"I'm making something." Yamato glanced over his shoulder. "That WAS the whole point in begging me to come to the kitchen and telling me that you wanted food, right?"

Tai blinked. "Well, yeah, but I didn't think you'd agree so easily."

Yamato shrugged. "I'm used to it. You always make me cook for you when we hang at your house."

"That's not true!"

"....."

"Well, okay, maybe it is, but it's only because everything you make tastes so good!"

"Yeah, well, that happens when you cook for yourself all the time." Yamato was surprised at the slightly bitter tone his voice held.

"Matt?" Tai walked over to stand just behind him. "You okay?" The brunette placed a hand on his shoulder, and Yamato immediately shrugged it off.

"I'm fine, Tai. Leave me alone."

"But Matt....."

"Look, I said I'm fine, okay?"

Tai narrowed his eyes. "You always say you're fine! But you're never fine! So what am I supposed to do about that?"

Yamato shrugged.

Tai walked over to the table and pulled out a chair. "Come on, Matt. You know you can talk to me," he said, sitting down.

"Yeah."

"So, talk."

"....."

"....."

"....."

"Oh, that's great, Matt. I'm glad you got that all off your chest. It really sounds like you've been holding it in for a long time. I'm glad you trust me enough to tell me, though."

"Tai, you don't know what you're talking about."

"I don't?"

"No, you don't."

"Well, then tell me. Let me know what's going on."

"Nothing's going on, Tai."

"But you keep saying weird stuff, and then you shut up like nothing's wrong when it's obvious you're thinking about something!"

"What's wrong with thinking?"

"Nothing! But you do it way too much. It can't be good for you."

"Tai, I think I know what's good for me."

"Don't start with me, Matt. You don't know what's good for you, and you never have!"

Yamato turned around and threw a carrot in Tai's general direction. "Tai, will you shut up! Please." He turned back around and waited for his friend to speak up again, but thankfully Tai remained silent.

Sighing with relief, Yamato continued chopping up vegetables. What the hell was he doing, anyway? Of course Tai was going to bug him if the boy thought that he had a problem of some sort. Tai always tried to help him, even though he never wanted or needed his help. Yamato did want and need Tai in another way, but that was something that he couldn't think about. And he definitely couldn't talk about it either. No matter what Taichi said, there were just some things that were better left unsaid. One of those things was that given the choice, Yamato would rather kiss Tai than talk to him. Of course, the choice wasn't his. Oh, no. There wasn't even a choice, not really. He could, of course, go over there right now and force himself on his unsuspecting best friend. That was always an option. It would be easy enough. He'd be able to feel those lips pressed against his briefly, and then he could claim he tripped or something. But even if Tai bought that, he had no doubt that the memory of that small moment would haunt him for the rest of his life. So it was better to avoid that sort of situation.

Although it was not always avoidable. When they had been watching the movie, only half of his mind had been on the film. The other half had been on Tai's lap. Of course, it was only his feet that were actually making contact, but his subconscious could almost always convince him otherwise. Even now, stirring things together and adding chopped meat to the concoction, he could almost convince himself that Tai was thinking about it too. That Tai was sitting over there right now, worrying about him and trying not to think about things he really shouldn't think about. Like how his own feet had felt in the brunette's lap, or how he had been lying over the shorter boy only a short while ago. He could almost convince himself that Tai was as obsessed with this as he was.

Almost.

Not quite though.

But it would be nice.

It would be nice, if Tai thought about him. If Tai wanted him. If Tai needed him.

Yes, that would definitely be nice.

It really was too bad that it was just a dream.

Yamato jerked his mind out of the gutter it had fallen into. He cautiously sniffed the air just above the pot, and smiled when he realized it was done. He must have been daydreaming for longer than he realized.

He turned off the heat on the stove, and collected two bowls and spoons. After pouring the soup into the bowls, he stuck a spoon in each one and brought both over to the table.

"Here," he said, handing one bowl to Tai. Tai took it and muttered his thanks. Yamato nodded and walked over to sit across from his friend. He ignored the loud screeching noise his chair made as he dragged it across the floor, instead focusing on placing his bowl down gently on the table. This would hopefully make Tai think that he was fine. After all, if he was mad at all, wouldn't he be slamming things around? That he should be so calm was actually a miracle. He was unreasonably proud of himself for being so calm.

Tai dropped his spoon into the bowl with a loud clatter. "Okay, Matt, that's it. Tell me or die."

"What?" Yamato responded, mentally cursing his friend. "I'm fine. Everything's cool."

"Don't give me that. I know that's a lie."

"I'm not lying, Tai." Damn it damn it damn it damn it.

"Matt, I know you think you can just say whatever and I'll believe you, but that's not true. I can see through that stupid act, and I wish you'd stop."

"Stop what?" Damn him damn him damn him.

"Would you just tell me the truth! Why do you always have to hide from me? What the hell do you think I'm going to do?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

"I'm not going to freak out or anything, no matter what it is. I thought you knew that by now."

"....."

"You do know that, don't you?"

"....."

"Matt?"

"....."

"....."

"..... yeah."

"Hmm?"

"I said, yeah. Yeah, I know that."

"Then why?"

"..... It's not what you think, Tai. Trust me."

"I would if I could. But since you lie to me almost all the time, I don't know what to think."

Yamato had been staring blankly down into his soup, but at that comment his head shot up. "I don't lie to you, Tai."

"I don't believe you."

Yamato's shoulders fell slightly, and he said, "Well, you don't have to. I wish you would, but I guess I can't make you believe anything I say."

"Matt, I'm talking about random stuff that happens everyday. I'm talking about all the times when I ask what's wrong, and you just say that you're fine. It's obvious that you're not fine, and it hurts thinking that you don't trust me enough to tell me what's wrong."

"It's not like that."

"Well, then, what's it like?"

"....."

"....."

".....Damn it, Tai, you're being a stubborn prick!"

"Me?"

"Yes, you!"

"You're the one who's being stubborn here!"

Both boys glared at each other for a good minute or so. Finally, much to Yamato's relief, Tai looked away. "I don't want to fight with you," the brunette whispered, barely loud enough for Yamato to hear.

"Then don't."

Tai's head snapped up. "But I want you to be happy!"

"I am."

"You're not."

"I AM."

"Matt."

"I am!"

"You're not."

Yamato sighed, and ran a hand through his hair. "You know what, I really don't feel like talking about this anymore."

"Good, 'cuz neither do I."

"Alright then."

"Okay."

Yamato refused to answer, instead choosing to slowly eat his soup. Tai did the same. Both boys were lost in thought until Tai got up. He walked over to the sink and threw his bowl and spoon down in it.

Yamato winced at the sound. But the words that went with it made him wince even more.

"You know what, Matt? I'm tired of this."

"Tired of what, Tai?" Yamato was amazed at how calm his voice sounded.

"This, Matt, THIS." He gestured around the room as if that explained everything.

"I don't understand what you mean."

Tai glared at him. "Yes, you do."

Yamato remained silent. If Tai was going to explode at him, that was fine. If he was going to yell and scream and throw a temper tantrum, that was okay. If he broke down and cried, that wasn't great, but it was still better than the alternative. The alternative that was playing through his mind right now. That Tai would end their friendship, and Yamato would be forced out of his life forever. That was something he couldn't handle. He could handle it when they fought. He could handle it when they argued. He could handle it when they were so mad with each other they said things that neither of them meant. He could handle that. He could handle all of those things. Could he handle living without Tai?

He didn't know.

He didn't want to find out.

"I think we should-"

But Tai's statement was interrupted as Yamato abruptly stood up from his chair and stared straight at him.

"Don't."

"Don't what, Matt?" Tai asked, genuinely confused.

Yamato swallowed, and tried to breathe normally. "Don't say it."

Tai blinked. "I was just going to say that-" Yamato stepped back a little, almost as if to ward off Tai's next words. "-we should try and stop fighting for a while. At least until we both cool down."

Yamato blinked. "What?"

"I said, I-"

"I heard what you said!" Yamato snapped, immensely relieved and feeling foolish. "You don't have to repeat yourself a million times."

"You know what, Matt? I'm going to walk back into my living room, and I'm going to pick a movie. I'm going to play it. You can come in and watch when you're feeling sane."

Yamato glared at Tai's retreating back. Why was he such an idiot? Why did he have to be so stubborn?

He paced around the kitchen once. Twice. Halfway through the third time he stopped and slammed his fist down on the table. Damn Yagami. Damn him to the deepest, darkest pits of hell. There was absolutely no reason for that brat to torture him like this. No reason at all. That stupid jock was clearly in the wrong. Clearly. Who did he think he was anyway? Acting all nice one second and then turning evil the next. He had some sort of... deceptive mind game going on or something. That was probably it. What other reason would Tai do those sorts of weird things? Like scream at him and then-

A hand on his shoulder cut his thoughts off. Yamato looked straight ahead and didn't say a word. He knew anything he said would just be angry and hurtful. It was better to just be silent about things like that. It was better to be silent about most things, actually. It was always better to just... be silent.

But when Tai didn't speak for a minute, Yamato's nerves got the best of him. "I thought you were watching a movie."

Tai's reply was slow in coming. First, he squeezed his friend's shoulder, then he lessened his grip and let his hand slide down Yamato's arm. His reply came only after his fingers had completed the journey.

"You weren't there." Yamato turned around and opened his mouth to speak, but Tai spoke in a rush. "I couldn't start it without you."

"..."

"..."

"Oh."

Then Taichi reached over and tugged on Yamato's hand. "Come on."

The blonde followed willingly. Back to the living room, back to the couch, back to the movies. And as he settled down once more on the couch, he wondered again about his friend. Yes, that boy certainly did do some weird things.  
~*~*~*~*~*~


	5. Frivolous

"Save your strength."

"I can't watch."

"Shh!"

"My life is departing. I've only one breath left."

"....."

"Stop it!"

"Use it to meditate. Free yourself from this world as you have been taught. Let your soul rise to eternity with your last breath. Do not waste it..... for me."

"'Do not waste it..... for me.'"

"Quiet."

"I've already wasted my whole life. I want to tell you with my last breath..... I have always loved you. I would rather be a ghost, drifting by your side..... as a condemned soul..... than enter heaven without you. Because of your love..... I will never be a lonely spirit."

"Okay, I admit it, I was wrong. This is a romance."

Yu's tears stopped halfway down her cheek. Tai turned and glared at his friend. "You know, you're really beginning to bother me with all your interruptions."

Matt shrugged. "Well, we've seen this movie, what, eight hundred times? Why do you always rent it?"

"Because it's so good!"

"It's not THAT great."

Tai shook his head fervently. "No, it is!" His eyes took on a dreamy look. "Li with his cool sword, the Green Destiny. Man, I wish I had a sword like that."

Although they were almost at the end of "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon", Yamato had no qualms about stopping the movie to argue with Tai. The blonde rolled his eyes at his friend's comment and leaned back on the couch. Well, more accurately, he leaned back on Tai. They were once again sharing the couch, only this time Tai was lying down and Yamato was leaning against him. The blonde had discovered his best friend was an excellent pillow about a year ago. It was a worthwhile discovery. Plus, Tai didn't mind at all if Yamato used him as a pillow. The opportunity was just too good to pass up, so Yamato took it whenever he could.

Only when they were alone, of course. Yamato would absolutely die if anyone ever saw how he acted when he and Tai were alone. He liked being able to relax with Tai, but with everyone else he needed to keep up an image. It was tiring, really, going through day after day like that. He was glad that Tai didn't want or expect that from him. So, he did act differently with Tai, but only with him. They were best friends, after all. They were supposed to trust each other like that, right?

Yamato shifted until he felt comfortable, and turned his head until he could see the brunette clearly. "Okay, first off, you have absolutely no idea how to fight with a sword, so what good would it do?"

Tai glared at him. "I could figure it out. It can't be that hard."

"Second," Yamato continued, as if he hadn't heard his friend, "you DO realize that just about all of those scenes you like so much were done with careful consideration and special effects?"

"Matt!"

"What?"

"Stop spoiling it for me! Let me have my dream!"

A grin spread across his lips before he could help it. "Tai, you're unbelievable. Fine. Live in your own world."

Tai reached his hands up above his head and swished them around wildly, making sword slashing noises with the movements. Yamato shook his head and pressed play.

"Hey! I wasn't ready yet!"

"You're allowed to yell at me if it's a movie that you don't have the dialogue memorized to."

"I don't have the dialogue memorized! Shh!"

"You do-"

"SHH!!"

Yamato snorted and slunk down, pushing his back into Tai. What was so great about this movie, anyway? They live their lives apart from each other, each secretly loving the other. Then, when he finally comes back at the beginning of the movie, it's all sorts of awkward. All throughout the movie it was so obvious they loved each other, but they were too stupid to see it. Come on, if it was any more obvious they'd be ravishing each other! For crying out loud..... Then, of course, the only way they ever confess is when he's just about to DIE! That's so messed up. They finally tell each other they love each other, then they get one measly little kiss, and they hold hands until he dies. That just sucks. How could Tai like this movie so much? It was depressing. Besides, the main characters were idiots for not being able to see what was right in front of them.

Yamato turned his head to the side and looked at Tai. His friend's face was intent on the screen. The light reflected off of his face, making various colors appear on the tan face and dark hair. The rest of the lights in the house were turned off, except for one in the kitchen that was always left on. It gave a comfortable, yet creepy, feel to the house. How did Tai feel? He probably wasn't even thinking about it. He was just so interested in that damn movie.

His eyes narrowed. This was the most attention Tai had paid to anything in a long time. And, they had seen this movie more times than Yamato wanted to remember, He supposed it was only fair, since he was also given his choice of movies, but still..... the same movie just got boring after a while. It wasn't as if the story was particularly interesting, or the characters were amazingly cool, or even that the backgrounds were beautiful. There was nothing spectacular about it at all, really. But he spent so much time focused on it, there must be something there that Yamato was missing.

It was nice, though, watching Tai watch the movie. Even if he could say the lines right along with the actors without even trying. He could ignore that. He hardly ever got a chance to study Tai, and why waste such an opportunity? Tai stared at him constantly, it seemed. Why should he not return the favor?

Besides, it really was nice- watching him. He looked so comfortable, so relaxed, laying there. It seemed so personal. Yamato had never spent time like this with anyone before Tai. Now, of course, they were doing it all the time. Tai always wanted to spend time with him. Yamato would comply for as long as it lasted. He knew that Tai would leave one day, but until then he could be with him. Couldn't he? It was alright for him to spend moments like this with the brunette, as long as it didn't go any further, wasn't it?

Big brown eyes blinked at him, and he felt a blush immediately cross his cheeks. But Tai just moved a hand up and down Yamato's arm and smiled, before turning his attention back to the movie.

His cheeks were still burning when the movie ended a few minutes later. Tai reached over and grabbed the remote from his hands to stop the movie.

"Matt? You okay? You seem sort of out of it."

"Uh..... yeah, I'm fine."

Tai stretched a little, and Yamato felt him move. "What time is it, anyway?"

Yamato glanced over his shoulder and said, "Well, your kitchen clock says 1:55." He turned back around and said, "Your VCR says 3:47." He completed the circle by looking the other way. "The clock in the hall says 2:15."

"Hmm..... so, what time is it?"

Yamato shrugged. "Don't ask me. It's your house."

Tai sighed. "We really should set all our clocks to one time. It would be a hell of a lot easier to get up in the morning."

"Yagami Taichi, what have I told you about cursing in this house?"

Yamato jumped up at the unexpected voice and turned around. Tai's parents were standing there, his mom looking slightly disapproving and his dad smiling.

"Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Yagami. How are you?" Yamato said, feeling tense and nervous. He hated it when Tai'' parents snuck up on them. It just bothered him.

"Yamato, I've told you before, you don't need to be so formal here," Mr. Yagami said, putting a hand on his shoulder. "You know you're like family to us."

"Yes, sir," Yamato said, still nervous.

"Tai's father sighed and shrugged. "Oh well....."

"Taichi!" His mother shouted, pointing at him. "I can't believe you!"

"What?!" Tai said, still laying down. "What did I do?"

"Not only did you curse right in front of me-"

"I didn't even know you were-"

"-but you also made Yamato make you something! I know you did, I saw the dishes. What about the leftovers I had for you?"

Yamato shook his hands in front of him, saying, "No, please, I didn't mind."

"Mom, don't bring him into this!"

Tai's dad pulled Yamato to the side, and whispered to him, "Maybe you should escape to Tai's room. She's in a bad mood right now." He lowered his head and whispered conspiratorially, "The nightclub we went to didn't card her."

"I heard that!" she said, turning on him.

"Anyway, why would I eat your leftovers when Matt makes something instead?" Tai stated, sounding as if he was saying something that should be obvious to anyone.

"Taichi! What exactly is that supposed to mean?" His mother had a vein throbbing in her forehead, and Yamato wisely backed away.

"I'll, uh, go then," he said, and ran off to Tai's room, feet only hurting minimally along the way.

Yamato closed the door behind him and leaned against it. He could hear the argument going on even through the door, and he sighed. Tai's family was so weird sometimes, what could he do about that? His own father never really yelled at him about anything, much less about cursing a little. Why was that? Do most parents yell at their kids for cursing? He doubted it. They had other things to do, so they didn't have time to care, right?

He walked farther into Tai's room. Now that Tai's parents were home, he doubted they'd really be able to do anything outside of his room. Oh, well. He was getting tired anyway, so he walked over to Tai's dresser. Opening one drawer, he shifted some clothes around before he found something he could change into. He had stupidly forgotten his own clothes at his house. Normally he had some extra clothes in Tai's room, but he had just taken them home to wash them. At least he knew that he would fit into Tai's clothes, although they might be too baggy and the pants might be too short.

He quickly unzipped his pants and pulled them down, jumping once or twice until they hit the floor. Kicking them aside, he grabbed a pair of Tai's pajama pants and put them on. He tied the strings together loosely, then pulled his shirt over his head. He tossed it to the floor as well, and grabbed one of Tai's shirts out of the drawer.

The door slammed open and Yamato jumped. He turned around and saw Tai angrily slam the door shut.

"I can't believe her!"

Yamato sighed. "Haven't you ever heard of knocking?"

Tai looked at him. "What?"

"You're not supposed to just walk into a room like that."

"Why not? It's my room." Before Yamato could respond, Tai asked, "Why aren't you wearing a shirt?"

"I was getting changed when you stormed in!"

"Oh." Brown eyes looked him up and down, and Yamato immediately blushed. "You're wearing my pants."

"Yeah. So?"

"Uh- no, I don't mind." Tai said, still eyeing the blonde. "I just thought you'd wear your own stuff."

"Yeah, well, I don't have anything here, so....." Tai walked over to him and pulled the shirt out of his hands. "What are you doing?!"

Tai just looked up at him and blinked. "This shirt's too big for you. Hold on a minute."

Yamato crossed his arms over his chest. "Fine, then, hurry up."

"Yeah, yeah, gimme a minute." Tai shuffled through his dresser until he found a small white sleeve-less shirt. "Here," he said, throwing it at Yamato.

"Thanks," the blonde replied, automatically catching it. He pulled it over his head and was fairly relieved to see Tai turn the other way. He didn't know why it mattered. Tai had already seen the show, hadn't he? After all, they had seen each other getting changed in gym class countless times. It should have felt the same.

But somehow, standing in Tai's bedroom, wearing Tai's pajama pants, no one else nearby..... well, it just felt different.

"So, uh, guess we should go to bed," Tai said, turning around after a minute.

"Yeah."

Tai walked over to his closet and pulled out a sleeping bag. He grabbed an extra pillow from his bed and laid both down on the floor. The brunette plopped down, gesturing gracelessly at his unused bed. "Go on, then." When Yamato just looked at him, Tai waved his hand again. "Take the bed."

"Oh, no. No, Tai."

Tai laid down on the sleeping bag and closed his eyes. "Goodnight, Matt."

Yamato sighed. "I can see we're going to have to go through this once again. Tai, I'm not taking your bed. You ask me this every time. I say the same thing every time."

"Yeah, well....."

"Well what?"

Tai grinned up at Yamato. "You always give in."

The blonde stood shocked for a minute, then glared at his friend. "I do not!" He huffed angrily towards the bed and sat down. Snickers came from the sleeping bag on the floor. "Shut up. I'm not giving in."

"I know you're not."

Yamato threw himself back on the bed. "I'm just going to wait here until you come to your senses."

"Mmm hmm."

"I'm serious, Tai."

"I know you are, Matt. That's what makes it so funny."

Yamato rolled his eyes and positioned himself more comfortably on the bed. "I'm not funny," he muttered.

This time a small chuckle came from the floor. "No, Matt, you're right. You're not funny at all."

Yamato curled his hands up underneath the pillow and bent his knees a little. He was used to sleeping like that, although Tai's bed was long enough that he needn't have bothered. "I'm not speaking to you anymore," he replied, sleepily.

"Okay."

He narrowed his eyes at his friend's amused tone. "I mean it, Tai," he mumbled, drowsiness settling in.

"Alright," Tai said, softly, almost lulling the other boy into slumber.

"You shouldn't....." Yamato began, yawning.

The brunette's voice was gentle. "Night, Matt."

".....take me so lightly, you know," the blonde finished. He was barely able to form two words together, and somewhere he wondered how he had gotten to be so tired. Then he shut down and drifted off peacefully, unaware that a pair of brown eyes would be watching over him until the first shards of light crept in through the windows.

Light- blinding light. He shielded his eyes and rolled over, mumbling incoherently. The mumbling stopped and abruptly turned into cursing when he fell off the bed and jammed his elbow into Tai's stomach.

"Ugh," Tai complained, groaning and blinking open his eyes.

Yamato blinked and cursed some more, sleep slurring his words inarticulately. "Ah fugid. 'Amn stu'id bed. You 'kay, Tai?"

Tai groaned and pulled the sleeping bag up over his head. "Go 'way. Let me sleep."

Yamato rubbed at his eyes and yawned. "Mmm, 'kay." He rolled off of Tai and climbed back up on the bed, flopping himself down clumsily.

Pounding on the door sounded almost immediately after. Both boys groaned and loudly grumbled about waking up. Tai threw his pillow at the door in a vain attempt to thwart the intruder.

"Come on, stop whining!" Tai's mother yelled. "Tai, you've got a soccer game today, remember? Your father went to pick up Takeru and Hikari already. They're going to meet us at the field. You've got to get up now."

Tai sat up. "I know, I know! Leave us alone!" He ran his hands through his hair, and looked over at Yamato. "Hey, Matt, come on." Yamato only waved his hand at Tai as if to silence him. Tai rolled his eyes and got to his knees. He tugged on his friend's arm playfully. "Come on, Matt. Get up." Blue eyes snapped open and glared with enough force to send the brunette back a step. "Wow," Tai said, eyes widening.

"What?" the blonde growled.

"I didn't know you could DO that this early."

Yamato sat up and yawned. "I can't believe this. First I roll off the bed, then all you people start screaming at me."

Tai rolled his eyes. "Hey, at least you didn't wake up with an elbow to your stomach!"

Yamato blinked and tried to focus his vision on Tai. He blinked a few more times before he felt sleep finally disappearing. "I'm going in the shower," he said, standing and swaying slightly. "Ohhhh....."

"What?" Tai asked, surveying his friend critically. "What's wrong?"

Yamato sat back down on the bed and lifted a foot up, inspecting the bottom of it. "I think I need to change the bandages," he said, grumbling a bit.

Tai reached forward and pushed lightly on the soles of his friend's foot. At the blonde's wince, he sighed. "I guess they still need to heal."

"Yeah, guess so," Yamato replied, sarcastically.

"I should go and get some bandages....."

"Wait, Tai."

"Oh no. Not this again."

Yamato rolled his eyes. "No, you idiot. I mean wait until I get out from my shower. Moron."

Tai yawned and nodded. "Makes sense, I guess. Right. Food."

"That's all you ever think about, I just know it."

Tai ignored him. "Breakfast."

"Lunch!" His mom called from the other room.

The brunette shrugged. "Lunch, then." He made his way out to the kitchen, while Yamato turned and went into the bathroom.

He closed the door behind him and locked it securely. Then, he carefully untied the bandages that had loosened in the night. The ones on his feet and knees were fairly easy to remove, but the ones covering his hands were placed around his fingers in such a way that it took an extra minute to make sure he didn't accidentally trap his fingers. Once he had thrown the used bandages out, he inspected the small marks. They weren't really that bad, at all. Another day or so and they should be healed. At least, the ones on his knees and hands. His stupid feet kept reopening- probably because he was walking around. Oh, well. They'd heal soon too.

With that out of the way, the blonde turned on the water. He made sure it was hot enough before shedding his clothes and getting in. The water slammed into his skin, the sheer heat easing his tension away. Yamato leaned his head back, letting the water fall onto his face and down his neck. The small sensations soothed him into relaxation, and he sighed.

The blonde picked up a bottle of shampoo he kept over at Tai's house, just for situations like this. He certainly couldn't use the gunk Tai put in his tangled mop. Yamato poured out a small measure of it and quickly lathered it into his hair. Carefully keeping the bubbles away from his eyes, he put his head back underwater and let the shampoo wash itself out. He repeated the same steps again, since he was one of the few people in he universe who actually followed the instructions found on the back of a shampoo bottle.

Next, he picked up conditioner and used only a very small amount. His hair was so fine that he didn't want to use much. It almost never had knots, and he had heard somewhere that using too much conditioner would make your hair oily. From then on, he had been very careful of the amount he put in his locks.

Once his hair was done, he grabbed a bottle of body wash and poured some in his hand. He quickly rubbed his hands together, wished he had a pouf, and spread the liquid substance down along his body, making sure to cover anywhere he could possibly reach. He smoothed some around his neck as well, using his fingers to work out the tense muscles he felt there. Then, the blonde stepped underneath the stream of water and rinsed himself off. He closed his eyes and let the water pound into him for another minute before shutting off the faucet and gingerly steeping out.

He grabbed a towel from a nearby rack and just dried himself off lightly. Yamato had always liked to have a little water on him after a shower. It made him feel cleaner than being completely dry. He wrapped the towel around his waist and gathered up the used pajamas, before going back into the hallway.

"Yamato," Tai's mother called, and he switched paths to walk into the kitchen, treading softly, making sure to keep as much pressure off of his feet as possible. Once she saw the blonde, she continued, "Hurry and get changed before your lunch gets cold."

He eyed his plate thoughtfully. It appeared to be edible. Well, it certainly looked good enough. Something that was moist and juicy and would probably taste exquisite when he could finally bite into it. If only it would stay hot for him; he didn't want it to get cold while he was changing. And it DID look quite tasty. Which was a first, really, when it came to Tai's mom and cooking.

"Yeah," he said distractedly, nodding agreement. He turned to walk away and saw Tai quickly turning away from him. "Tai?"

"Y-yeah?"

"You alright?" Yamato asked, amused at his friend's sudden change in behavior.

Tai looked at him to answer, but it never came out. His mouth was moving, but it wasn't making any sounds. Yamato instinctively blushed and remembered what he was wearing- or rather, what he wasn't wearing. He opened his mouth to comment, but Tai suddenly jumped up.

"Shower," he said, passing by Yamato at what some people might consider a run. Or perhaps a fast, desperate sort of walk.

Yamato looked after his friend, idly wondering what the hell was wrong with him. The blush on his cheeks had thankfully gone down, and he turned to go back to Tai's room.

His blush would have intensified astronomically, however, if he had realized that not two minutes ago his thoughts about his lunch were mere echoes of Tai's thoughts about him.

As it was, he was content enough to go back to his friend's room oblivious. After shuffling through the closet, he found a pair of pants that weren't obviously short on him, as well as a shirt that fit well enough to pass. He really did need to remember to bring some clothes over the next time he came. This was getting ridiculous.

The door opened and Tai walked in, towel loosely wrapped around his waist. His hair was still dripping wet, and the blonde knew that it would take a while for it to dry out completely. The brunette stopped when he saw his friend in his room, then continued walking to his closet.

"You're wearing my clothes again."

Yamato rolled his eyes. "What do you want me to do, Tai? Run around naked all day?!"

Tai's hands stopped rummaging through his closet and he said in a somewhat strangled voice, "Your lunch is probably cold. Hurry and eat it before we leave."

Yamato huffed and turned around. "Fine."

"Wait a minute," Tai said suddenly.

"What?!"

"I have to bandage you up. Might as well do it now."

"Whatever."

Tai grabbed the bandages from his desk, where he must have put them while Yamato was taking his shower earlier. Yamato walked over to Tai's bed and sat down. Tai came over after a few seconds and began to wrap Yamato's hands. They were the most difficult, but they were also healing the quickest. Then came Yamato's knees, which were almost completely healed and required very little attention. After both knees came his feet. They were, by far, the most painful and slowest to heal. Yamato figured that if he just didn't walk around for one or two days, he'd be fine. The trouble with that was, of course, that he wouldn't be able to walk around. And if he wasn't able to walk, he wouldn't be able to go to school, or cook for himself, or do the chores. Those were things he had to be able to do. Otherwise, he'd be in deep trouble. So he'd just have to suck it up and take it like a man. Eventually they'd stop hurting. Or go numb. Either way was okay by him.

Once Tai finished wrapping Yamato's feet, he said, "Okay, that should be alright for now. But take off that shirt."

"What? Why?"

"It's dirty. I'll find a clean one for you to wear."

"It seems fine to me."

"Just do it!" Tai exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air.

Yamato glared at Tai's back and took off the shirt, which still looked fine to him. He put it down next to Tai's pillow and waited. After almost a minute, tai threw a shirt over his back. Matt caught it before it hit the floor and pilled it on.

"There. Happy now?" he asked.

Tai nodded. "Yes. Very. But if you don't eat your lunch soon, I'm going to eat it for you."

"Well, I'd have eaten already if you hadn't gone on about the stupid shirt."

"Alright, fine, whatever. Just hurry up."

Yamato stood up, saying, "I'm going already. God, chill out." He walked out of Tai's room without hearing his friend's response.

The blonde walked into the kitchen, clothed and bandaged and ready to go. He nodded at Mrs. Yagami and sat down where a plate was still waiting for him.

"Hallelujah. I thought you would never come out to eat."

"Uh, sorry."

"Don't be sorry. Just eat."

"Thanks for the meal." Yamato picked up his fork. He knew that Tai's mom was still watching him, but he didn't know what to do about it. He felt uncomfortable being watched so closely. Maybe that was where Tai got it from? Oh, God, if it was a family trait there was no way he'd ever break Tai out of that seriously deranged habit. He glanced up and saw Mrs. Yagami looking back at him. Yamato shifted slightly, squirming under her searching stare.

"Yamato?"

"Yes?"

"You should eat before it gets cold."

Yamato nodded, and began to eat slowly. He knew she was still watching him. What for? Sure, his hair was still a little wet from his shower, but that really wasn't a big deal. And, yeah, okay, technically he was wearing Tai's clothes, but he had really just forgotten to bring his own. He knew they looked too big on him, but wasn't that sort of in style now, anyway? Also, there was the small matter of the bandages that covered his hands, knees, and feet. ..... Alright, maybe he did look a little ridiculous ..... but even so, did she have to continuously stare at him?

"Yamato?"

"Yes?"

Mrs. Yagami stood up and walked across the kitchen, saying, "That's one of Tai's favorite shirts, isn't it?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. He gave it to me. To wear, I mean."

She nodded. "Hmm." Tai's mom began washing the dishes, as Yamato started to push his food around on his plate with his fork.

"Do your hands feel any better?"

"Uh..... what?"

"I noticed they were bandaged last night. You wrapped them yourself?"

"Uh, no. Tai did it."

"He did?"

"Yeah."

"Oh. I didn't know he knew first aid."

".....Yeah."

"Oh." Mrs. Yagami turned off the faucet and picked up a towel to begin drying her hands. Yamato heard the water drip down twice more before it stopped completely. He wondered if it always did that, or if their faucet was just starting to have a leak. He had never noticed it before. Had it been there? His own sink had a leak in it. The constant dripping had first annoyed him, but now he just ignored it.

"So do they?"

"Huh?"

"Your hands," she said, lifting hers up. "Do they feel better?"

"Um, yeah. Yeah, they do."

She nodded. "Good." She walked over to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. "I don't like seeing you in pain, Yamato."

He blinked and looked at her. "Uh....."

"You're a good kid, you know? It's a shame. About your father, I mean."

Yamato stiffened and stared blankly up at her. "I don't know what you mean."

"Oh, don't get me wrong. I know he works hard. I know that he provides for you. I do. But I just can't condone letting a child stay home alone so often. And for such long periods of time, too."

".....I'm not a child."

Mrs. Yagami squeezed his shoulder and let her hand drop. "Are you sure about that?"

Yamato twisted his head away and stared at the wall. There was silence for a few moments before Mrs. Yagami drew in a breath.

"Maybe you're more of a child than you think."

Yamato stood up, his chair scraping across the floor. "I'm not a child. I never really was." He started walking from the room, but stopped when Mrs. Yagami called his name.

"Yamato! Please, stop. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you upset."

He remained standing, but his rigid pose slackened. He shrugged and muttered, "Don't worry about it."

Mrs. Yagami shook her head. "No, I really am sorry. But I've completely missed the point of what I was trying to say." Yamato waited expectantly. "Well," she began, "I know you and Taichi are close. You're a good friend to him, Yamato."

He looked down and kicked at the ground. After a few moments, Yamato quietly replied, "No, really, I'm not that good a friend."

"Well, I think you are. And I know Tai thinks so, too. So, what I wanted to say is, if you're ever alone or even if you just want some company, you're always welcome here, Yamato."

Yamato turned around and looked at her. Mrs. Yagami's eyes were bright with emotion, and it seemed like she wanted to say something else but was restraining herself.

"I mean it. Anytime, day or night. Don't ever hesitate. Just come over." She smiled a little, and said, "I'm sure Tai wouldn't mind."

Yamato blushed and wondered what she meant, then hated himself instantly for both reactions. "Yeah," he said, hoping to sound neutral or at least only slightly caring, yet instead coming off more like nervous and edgy.

Mrs. Yagami smiled even wider, and laughed a little. "Oh, you are too precious."

"What?"

"Oh, nothing, nothing." She turned her head towards the bathroom and shouted, "Tai! Hurry up!" A distant "Okay, yeah, mom!" was heard. She turned back around and gathered up Yamato's dirty dishes. "Well, it was nice talking to you, Yamato."

"Uh, yeah, nice talking to you, too, Mrs. Yagami," he replied, feeling uneasy.

"Please, call me mom."

"Um, okay..... Mrs. Yagami."

She sighed. "Go on, finish getting ready."

"Yeah," he said, turning to go.

"Oh, and Yamato?"

"Yeah?"

"Next time you come over remember to bring some clothes with you." At this reminder, Yamato cringed. "And whatever else you'd like to keep over here. You know, just in case. I'm sure Taichi can find a spot in his room for whatever you bring."

"Who's bringing what to my room?" Tai asked, walking into the kitchen. He had his soccer uniform on, but it was sticking to him in places where he was still wet from his shower. His hair was practically dripping wet, therefore it was only sticking up a little bit. Not tamed by any means, of course, since Tai's hair was the most wild substance Yamato had ever seen in his entire life. But about as close as it could come to lying flat on his head. Yamato stared at him for a second, which was probably longer than he should have considering Mrs. Yagami was still there, watching him.

"Oh, Taichi, I was just saying that Yamato should bring some of his things over here next time he comes."

Tai walked over to the refrigerator and poured himself a glass of soda. "Yeah, then maybe he wouldn't have to borrow my clothes." He looked over at Yamato and smiled. "Which look way too big on him."

Yamato blushed and glared at Tai. "It's not my fault you're fat, Tai."

"It's not my fault you're a twig, Matt," Tai replied.

"I am not a twig."

"Oh yes you are. Look at you," Tai said, walking over to him. He eyed his friend critically, finger tapping against his chin. "Hmm.....," he said. "Yep, definitely a twig."

"Tai," Yamato said, blushing.

"Ah, don't worry about it, Matt. I like twigs."

"Yeah?" Yamato replied, angry with himself for blushing and with Tai for causing it. "Well I don't like fat people."

"Now I know that's a lie. You don't like anyone. Well, except maybe the digidestined."

"I don't like you."

Tai grinned. "I'm just teasing, Matt."

Yamato glared at him. "Ha ha."

"Alright, alright. That's enough now, boys," Tai's mom interjected. "Tai, dry your hair. You're not going out like that."

"Ugh, mom....."

"Hurry up. We'll be late for your game."

"Fine," he said, guzzling down the rest of his drink. "Give me, like, five minutes."

"Make it two, Taichi."

"Fine, fine! I'm going!" Tai replied, turning around and walking out of the kitchen. On his way out, he lifted his hand and ran it through Yamato's hair. "Your hair's still wet, too."

"Yamato, go dry your hair."

Yamato rolled his eyes and stood up. He followed Tai out of the kitchen and into the bathroom.

"Don't you roll your eyes at me, young man!"

Yamato smirked and closed the door behind him. Tai had the cabinet open and was searching for the hair dryer. The blonde glared at his back, and reached over his shoulder to grab a comb.

"Here," Tai said, handing him a brush without looking away from the cabinet. "Use this."

Yamato took it and studied it skeptically. "Tai, this isn't going to work."

"Why not?"

"Look at this brush. This is, like, defcom five brush. Look at these bristles," he said, gesturing to them. "They're like little saws or something. This isn't a brush. It's a gardening tool."

Tai pulled the hair dryer out and held it up triumphantly. "Found it!"

"Tai, are you listening to me?"

"Yeah, Matt."

"Well, then, how am I supposed to use this?"

"Just use it. It works fine for me."

"This is yours?"

"Yeah."

"Well no wonder. Tai, your hair is a bush. You need this to even attempt to brush it- which, by the way, is a futile effort."

"Matt-"

"My hair, however," Yamato continued, interrupting Tai, "is cared for and maintained on a daily basis. It needs a comb that is smooth and easy to handle. Not a brush, mind you. A comb."

"Don't be such a priss, Matt," Tai replied, rolling his eyes.

Yamato glared at him. "I'm not a priss, Tai. There's nothing wrong with wanting to look good."

Tai just stared at him for a second. "Matt. You always look good."

Yamato blinked. "What?"

"I mean, it doesn't matter if you brush your hair or not. You'll still look good either way."

Yamato knew he was blushing again, and cursed himself for it. "Well, it takes time and effort to look this good."

Tai shrugged. "I don't put any effort at all into how I look, and I'm still hot."

Yamato grinned. "You think you're hot?"

Tai nodded. "Yup. I know I'm hot."

Yamato laughed a little. "Really?"

Tai nodded again. "Uh huh. I am totally sexy."

"You are?"

"Yep. Didn't you notice?"

"Umm..... honestly, no. No, I didn't."

"Well, all the girls at school did. They gawk as I walk by. What can I say? I'm gorgeous." Tai smiled, his eyes alight with laughter.

"Oh, shut up," Yamato said, laughing. "God, you are so-"

"Handsome? Charming? Likeable?"

"I was going to say irritating, actually."

"Were you now?"

"Oh yes. What else would I say?"

"Well, I did give you quite a few good options."

"I really don't think any of those would have worked."

"You think so?"

"Hmm..... yes."

"I can give you more, if you like. I'm also funny, witty, smart, sincere, endearing, and quite modest."

Yamato smirked. "Yeah, Tai, sure. Whatever you say."

"Taichi! Yamato! Hurry up! We're gonna be late!"

"Gimme that," Yamato said, grabbing the hair dryer out of Tai's hands.

"Hey! I was gonna use that!"

"Yeah, well, you snooze you lose. Tough luck, man."

Yamato turned the hair dryer on. The noise it made drowned out whatever his friend might have said in reply. He tried using Tai's brush to straighten his hair out, but it was like using an axe to sharpen a pencil. He felt like he was massacring his hair. Yamato put down the brush and resigned himself to just using his fingers. One day wouldn't hurt all that much. At least, it shouldn't.

Once he finished, he handed the hair dryer to Tai.

"Here," he said.

"Thanks," Tai replied. Once he started to dry his hair, Yamato rolled his eyes and walked out.

Yamato closed the door behind him and walked down the hall. He grabbed his backpack and slung it over his shoulders. Tai would probably want to go out with his teammates once the game was over, so he'd get dropped off at his house. The last thing he needed was to leave all his homework here. Then he'd have no way of doing it before school on Monday.

"Yamato?" Tai's mom called out.

"Yeah?" he asked, walking over to the front door. She was standing there, waiting.

"Dad and Kari are probably there by now. We really need to get going. Where's Tai?"

"In the bathroom."

A door opened and slammed shut. "Coming!"

Tai's mom rolled her eyes. "Let's go out to the car."

"I'm here!" Tai said, running up to them.

"Joy," Yamato replied, still looking at Mrs. Yagami.

"Your uniform is completely wrinkled. What did you do, throw it on your floor in a ball?"

"..... No."

"Taichi. After I wash your clothes, the absolute least you could do is keep them hung up in your closet!"

"Mom-"

"Even if you folded them and put them away in your dresser! At least it wouldn't look like you're a bum!"

"Just-"

"A homeless person! That's what you look like, Taichi. Is that what you want people thinking, that we're homeless?!"

"God, mom!"

"That we live on the streets and beg just to buy you clothes that we obviously cannot keep clean?!"

"Umm.....," Yamato interjected quietly.

"What?!" both Yagamis yelled, glaring at him.

"We're gonna be late," he replied sheepishly. "So..... uh, maybe we should-"

"Taichi! We're gonna be late! Let's go!" Mrs.Yagami shouted. She opened the front door and walked out.

Taichi followed, muttering angrily about parents. Yamato walked out after Taichi. He just barely remembered to close and lock the door behind them. The two boys walked to the garage, where Tai's mom had already started the car. Mr. and Mrs.Yagami owned a dark blue minivan that had the normal driver's and passenger seats, along with three 3-seater seats lined up in the back. It had a sliding door and a rather large step up from the ground to get in. Tai slid the back door open and waited for Yamato to climb in.

"Uh, thanks," Yamato said as he grabbed the handle of the door to pull himself up. The gap between the ground and the car wasn't a problem for Yamato since he had such long legs. He got in with ease, and sat down right behind Mrs. Yagami.

Taichi, on the other hand, being on the short side, almost always had difficulty getting in his family's van. He had long believed that his family had bought it in order to exclude him from participating in family activities, with the added bonus of completely hampering his personal and social life. Because of these beliefs, Tai had a long-standing hatred of the van. He put one hand on the door and the other on the side of the car. However, as he was lifting himself up, the door slid farther back and Tai lost his grip. He teetered on the edge of the step and tripped over it, falling face first into the loathsome vehicle. He threw his hands outward to break his fall, but instead ended up smacking Yamato in the shoulder and knee. His head continued forward, banging straight into the window.

Yamato froze for a second, completely unsure of how to handle this situation. Then, his brain caught up to him and he reacted.

"Tai! You stupid klutz!" Yamato yelled, fighting a blush. "Get off me!"

"Oohhh.....," Tai moaned, pulling his head back and wincing.

"Are you all right?" Mrs. Yagami asked him. "Taichi? Are you okay?"

Taichi's hands were still on Yamato, who had once again frozen after his initial outburst. He knew his face was becoming red, but what could he do about it? That was totally unfair of Tai, anyway, to jump on him like that. Sure, it might have been an accident, but Tai was just stupid enough to pull something like that in order to embarrass them both! Why didn't he just get up already? His head was pretty hard; it couldn't have hurt that badly. Could it? No, no, it couldn't. Tai was jut being a dick. God, did he have to keep on touching him? What was he, Tai's personal balancing post or something?

Dark hazel eyes caught his attention. He had been unintentionally staring at Tai, who was now beginning to blush. Tai's blush intensified as he realized exactly where he had landed.

"Oh! Uh, sorry," Tai said, retracting his hands and moving back. He sat down next to Yamato, but put a little room between them.

"Are you okay?" Tai's mom repeated as she pulled out of the driveway and began driving to the soccer field.

"Uh- yeah. Yeah, I'm fine." Tai looked at Yamato, who was still sitting stiffly. "Matt? Uh..... sorry."

Yamato shook his head. "S'okay. You can't help being a klutz. Trust me, I know this from experience." He put a hand on his knee, which had started to sting after Tai had accidentally pushed on it. He hoped the pressure hadn't reopened the cuts. Damn it, and they were just starting to close again, too. Well, maybe nothing had happened. They felt okay, after all, if you ignored the stinging.

"Shit! Matt, did I mess up your knee?"

"Tai! How many times do I have to tell you not to use that language in front of me?!" Tai's mom yelled as the car jerked to sideways. "Or at all, for that matter!"

"Mom! Matt's in serious pain, and all you're worried about is how many curses I know!"

"No, I'm fine. It doesn't hurt," Yamato protested.

"Then what's with that look?!" Taichi demanded.

"What look?" he replied, becoming defensive.

"That 'I'm-going-to-hide-what-I'm-really-feeling-so-that-everyone-will-think-I'm-big-and-bad-and-cool' look."

"..... I have no such look."

"You do too! You've got it right now!"

"I do not." Yamato leaned forward to look in the rearview mirror. "What look?" he said, inspecting his face.

"Well, it's gone now."

"Oh, sure, it's gone now. It was never there in the first place."

"Oh, it was. It completely and totally was."

"Whatever."

"But forget the look. Does your knee hurt? God, I could just kill myself for doing that!" Tai said, despairingly smacking himself in the forehead.

"Here, I'll help," Yamato said, reaching out and gently hitting Tai on the forehead.

"Gee, thanks."

"No problem. What are friends for?"

"So your knee doesn't hurt?"

"No, it's fine."

"Are you sure?"

"For God's sake, yes! I'm sure!"

"We're here," Tai's mom called. She pulled into the school's parking lot and parked in a spot that was reserved for the team and their families. "Let's go."

Tai slid open the back door and got out. Yamato followed him, and shut the door once he was out. Mrs. Yagami locked the car and threw the keys in her pocket.

"Now, Taichi, you'd better run and meet up with your team. Oh, before I forget, here's your Gatorade, and your change of clothes." She handed him a duffel bag and a canteen.

"Alright, see you later," Tai replied. His mom walked off towards the stands. Tai turned to Yamato and held his hand lightly. "Cheer for me."

Yamato smirked. "What am I, good luck?"

"Of course."

Yamato rolled his eyes, but smiled. "Alright. Good luck."

"Thanks," Tai said, then let go of Yamato's hand and ran off to meet up with his team.

Yamato shook his head and walked over to the bleachers. Both sides were almost full, and he quickly made his way over to where he thought Tai's family would be. He found them easily enough, and walked over to sit with them.

"Hey!"

Yamato turned at the familiar voice, and saw Takeru behind him.

"What's up, TK?"

Takeru grinned and said, "We saved seats. Come on."

Yamato let him lead and said, "So, did you have fun last night?"

"Hmm?"

"With Kari? You know, she was sleeping over, wasn't she?"

"Yeah. We had fun. Mom baked some brownies, which are, like, the ultimate in foods that taste good but you shouldn't eat 'cause they're so bad for you, you'd die if you had more than, like, one."

Yamato nodded to show that he was listening, but didn't really want to reply to this statement. Luckily enough, Takeru was more than willing to continue talking.

"Then we watched this movie. I have no idea what it was, but it had a lot of fighting, so that was okay. I think Kari liked it too. Which is good, 'cause the absolute last thing I wanted was to have her complain about the movie. I hate it when people do that." Takeru turned to walk up the bleachers, and Yamato followed.

"Oh."

"Yeah, so after that we basically went right to sleep. It was pretty late then, after all. So, what'd you do?"

"Hmm?"

"With Tai? Last night. You were sleeping over his house, right?"

"Uh, yeah. We just hung out."

"That's cool. Did you guys do anything interesting?"

"Not really."

Takeru nodded. "Alright, here we are." He walked down an aisle until he was standing next to Kari. He sat down next to her and motioned for Yamato to come over.

Yamato moved down the aisle until he was next to Takeru, then sat down. On the other side of Kari were Tai's parents, who both smiled at Yamato when he came. The announcer's box was behind and to the right of them, so Yamato had a perfect seat for listening to the commentary. If he cared about listening. Which he really didn't.

In fact, Yamato was not too fond of soccer at all. Technically, he wasn't too fond of any sports. They just never interested him much. People got themselves so worked up over such things. Why do that when he could focus on music? Music was what gave his heart a reason to beat. It gave a light to guide his soul. Could soccer do the same thing for Tai? Doubtful, but since Tai wanted him to be here, he was here. He had no problems supporting Tai. And although he found the notion ridiculous, maybe he was good luck. To Tai, at least, if to nobody else. Tai always liked making sure that Yamato would be there for a game. He said he couldn't concentrate unless his friend was there, cheering for him. Yamato had informed Tai countless times that he didn't so much cheer as zone out and clap when the people around him were, but Tai didn't seem to care. He said it mattered that Yamato was there. So he came to every game he could, thinking that maybe if it mattered to Tai, it should matter to him, too.

The announcer's voice came on over the loudspeaker and the teams came out. Everyone was cheering, and so Yamato cheered too. The referee came out, spoke to both teams, and eventually the game started. Yamato was never good at following who was doing what, but he paid attention as much as he was able. When he saw Tai on the field, he smiled. Tai looked so happy, running around, kicking a ball in a game that had no purpose. Yamato watched Tai play, and he figured that even if it was stupid game, if it made his friend this happy, why not?

At one point during the game, Tai looked up just after he had scored a goal. He caught Yamato's eyes and smiled. Yamato smiled back, and wondered just how Tai had known where he was.

After almost two hours, the game was over. Tai's team had won, and they were all celebrating and jumping around on the field. Yamato stood up and clapped with the rest of his side, while the opposing side's fans just sat and clapped half-heartedly.

"Come on!" Takeru yelled over the clamor, and started pulling Yamato down the bleachers.

"Wait! What? What are you doing?!" Yamato asked, completely disoriented.

"Let's go congratulate Tai!" Takeru laughed and Hikari suddenly appeared next to him.

"Yeah, come on, Matt!"

"Okay, okay, alright, fine! Just let me go!"

They made their way down to the field, where other friends of the team were already gathered and congratulating their loved ones. It didn't take long to find Tai, who was surrounded by people patting him on the back and telling him what a great job he did. He was the star player of the team, after all, and many people felt it was their personal job to make sure he knew how much they appreciated him.

Yamato stayed back when he saw the crowd, but Takeru and Hikari just pushed people aside to get to Tai. When they got to him, he hugged Hikari and kissed her on the forehead. He patted Takeru on the back and laughed at something someone said. Yamato watched this from afar, felt left out, and turned to walk away.

He was already halfway back to the bleachers when someone grabbed him from behind.

"Gah!!" he yelled, completely in shock. Yamato turned his head around and saw Tai, grinning.

"What, you were leaving without a word?"

"Tai! You're all sweaty and gross! Get off me!"

Tai let Yamato go and wiped a hand across his face. "So, me and the guys are going out to the diner. You wanna come?"

Yamato frowned a little. "Isn't that, like, just a team thing?"

Tai shrugged. "Does it matter?"

Yamato shrugged in reply. "I just don't think it's cool if I come along when it's supposed to be just the team."

"So what? Wait, do you have plans?"

"Uh, no. I mean, I've got homework to do, but I think I should just go back to my house."

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah." Yamato looked at Tai. "Why?"

"Oh, uh, nothing. I just thought you wanted to hang out is all."

"Well, I've got, you know, stuff to do."

Tai nodded. "Okay. Sure. Then you wanna meet up tomorrow?" Some people started calling for Tai, and he yelled out, "Hold on!"

"Uh, you better go. They're waiting for you."

Takeru and Hikari came walking over, and they stood next to Tai. "Uh, Tai? Your team wants to get going," Kari said.

"Yeah, yeah, I know." He turned back to Yamato. "Alright. I'll call you later, okay?"

Yamato nodded. "Alright. Now go."

"Okay. See you later," Tai said, as he turned to go.

"Later," Hikari replied.

"Bye," Takeru said.

"Uh, good job," Yamato said quietly. "With the game."

Tai smiled. "Thanks," he said, and ran off.

Yamato turned around and walked with Hikari and Takeru back to the van. Tai's parents were already there, waiting for them. They got in the back and buckled themselves in.

"Was that a great game, or what?" Tai's dad said enthusiastically. He pulled the car out of the parking lot. "Tai really knows how to play."

"Yeah, he's awesome!" Takeru said, grinning.

"So, where are you guys going?" Mrs. Yagami asked.

"Oh, I've got to get home. I've got homework to do," Takeru said, grimacing.

"Okay. How 'bout you, Yamato?"

"I need to get back to my place, too."

"Alright. We'll have you all back home soon."

Yamato looked out the window and hoped it wouldn't take too long. He was really starting to feel depressed. And he didn't know why, either. He hoped the feeling would pass by the time he got back to his apartment. Otherwise, doing the chores would be a pain. He settled back into his seat and prepared for the drive home.

~*~*~*~*~*~


	6. Nervous

Cookie-cutter houses were lined up outside the car window. As they passed, he could almost feel the warmth radiating from them. Two children were playing some vague form of tag that required a ball, and a little farther down the street a man was mowing his lawn in a t-shirt and jeans. He didn't seem to mind inquisitive staring, and looked up with a smile on his face as they passed.

Yamato didn't know this neighborhood. He knew where they were headed, or at least where they were supposed to be heading, but for some reason his mind just wouldn't place what backward route took them to this area. He didn't live anywhere near this sort of suburbia.

He decided to remain silent until he found out exactly what was going on. After all, he barely knew this area, and who was he to say that there wasn't some faster, alternate route through here that he had never bothered to take before? Just because he wasn't familiar with the road didn't mean Tai's dad had taken a wrong turn.

The car slowed. Yamato looked around. No, this wasn't right. There was nothing here. Well, there were houses and such, but not his house. They weren't where they were supposed to be. The car continued slowing down until it stopped in front of a house that looked just like every single other house on this road. It almost looked familiar, but Yamato couldn't quite place it.

"Thanks a lot, Mr. Yagami," Takeru said. He opened the door and stepped out.

"Oh, don't worry about it, TK," Mr. Yagami replied.

By now, Yamato had realized that this was Takeru's house. He felt like an idiot for missing that. He had been over twice before. He should have remembered. He should have remembered, and he should have guessed they'd drop Takeru off first. Yamato's house was the farthest away; it would have been foolish to circle around.

"Later, Matt," Takeru said.

"Uh, yeah, later," Yamato replied as Takeru slammed the door shut.

Yamato watched Tai's dad as he made sure Takeru got in safely. There was no way that he was willing to risk seeing his mother. It wasn't worth the argument. He hadn't had a particularly great afternoon so far, anyway, since Tai had left. Yes, he was the one who insisted Tai go to the diner with his friends alone. But he still had wanted… well, it didn't matter. He just knew that if he saw his mother, or rather if she saw him, there'd be a fight that neither of them wanted to have.

Just as Mr. Yagami was about to pull away, his wife stopped him.

"Oh no, TK's left his coat. Yamato, would you be a dear and go give this to him?" Mrs. Yagami asked, handing the coat back to Yamato.

Yamato grabbed the coat reflexively, and thought hard about how to not get out of the car. "Umm…" Well, if he told the Yagami's that he didn't want to get out of the car, it would sound like he was being an unhelpful asshole. Maybe they might think that his knee was actually hurt when Tai crashed into it and that's why? But then why wasn't he complaining up until that point? Shit. "Uh… okay."

Fuck.

Mrs. Yagami smiled and turned back around. Mr. Yagami was tapping his fingers against the steering wheel impatiently, and Hikari was leaning back with her eyes closed. He wouldn't find any help there. He sighed and got out of the car, closing the door behind him with the smallest amount of noise possible. Maybe if he could just walk up and ring the doorbell, Takeru would answer and he'd return the coat and walk back without ever seeing his mother. That was the option he liked best. Of course, if his mother answered the door, which was just as likely, then he'd be screwed. Then again, he hadn't actually seen his mother. So she might not even be home. She could be out doing grocery shopping or picking up dry cleaning or any number of other motherly things that he assumed she did. Yes, that was it, Yamato thought as he walked to the harmless-looking front door. He was probably just being paranoid, and since Takeru had just gotten home, he was most likely still near the front door. Either taking off his shoes, or just realizing that he hadn't brought his coat with him.

By the time Yamato rang the doorbell, he had thoroughly convinced himself this was the case. He waited patiently for the door to open. He let out a somewhat stifled sigh when Takeru answered the door.

"Matt?" he asked.

"… You forgot your coat." He held out the offending object.

"Oh, thanks," Takeru replied, taking it and smiling. "I didn't even notice."

"Yeah, well, see you-"

"TK, who is it?"

Yamato stiffened at the voice. He heard footsteps moving closer, and he looked quickly at Takeru.

"It's Matt, mom," Takeru said, clearly ignoring the look Yamato gave him.

The footsteps got quicker, and suddenly a hand pulled the door all the way open. His mother stood there, looking at him as if she hadn't ever expected to see him again. He couldn't tell if she was pleased or not. He cursed himself for caring.

"Yamato," his mother said, not unkindly. "It's good to see you."

Liar. "Yeah," Yamato replied.

"We just got back from Tai's soccer game," Takeru said, completely unaware of the tension between his mother and brother. "He won."

"Did he? That's nice." She looked at Takeru. "You didn't tell me you were going with Yamato."

"Oh, it was a bunch of us. Anyway, I'd better go hang this up," he said, indicating the coat. "And I've got some homework to do, so I'll see you later, okay, Matt?"

Half of Yamato's brain could not believe Takeru was deserting him, and the other half was resigned to his fate. "Yeah, later."

Takeru walked off, leaving Yamato standing there stupidly.

"Well, I guess I should be going," he said, and turned to leave.

"So that's it?" his mother stated coldly. "I don't see you for almost three years and you don't even have the time to stick around and say hi?"

"Look, Mr. and Mrs. Yagami are waiting for me. I just came here to give TK his coat. That's all."

"You're just like your father." She narrowed her eyes. "He was always running off, to God-knows-where, doing God-knows-what to God-knows-whom."

"What? What are you going on about? They're just being nice and giving me a ride."

"So now you'd rather speak to strangers than your own mother!"

"They're not strangers! They're Tai's parents!"

"They might as well be strangers for all that I've seen of them. When have they ever come here?"

"They're just trying to help!"

"Sure they are." She sighed, and ran a hand over her face. "Yamato, I don't want to fight with you."

"Then don't."

"Then stop being difficult!"

"I'm not being difficult!"

"God, you're so immature! How old are you already? Thirteen? It's amazing you're still acting like a spoiled child!"

"I'm fourteen," Yamato said quietly, but she didn't hear.

"I can't imagine how your incompetent father raised you all these years. That's probably why you have no manners and a horrible temper. Not only that, but you don't even think about anyone else other than yourself! You didn't even think once of coming to visit me, did you? If TK had remembered his coat, how long do you think it would have been until I next saw you? Huh? Answer me!"

"I don't know," Yamato said, glaring at her.

"That's right. You don't know. You don't know much of anything, do you? You do know how to be selfish and obnoxious, though. I can see you learned all the wrong things from your father."

"I'm not-"

"Don't you know not to interrupt when an adult is speaking to you? God, even if your father doesn't teach you, they teach you these things in school, don't they? You do go to school, right?"

"Of course I go to school! What kind of a question is that?"

"Now you're talking back! Who do you think you are, that you can talk back to me as if you have the right to insult me? Well, I have news for you, mister, you don't have the right! No one does! Apologize!"

Yamato remained silent, and stared at a spot just above her right shoulder.

"I said apologize, goddammit!"

"…"

"Look at you! You're pathetic. You're-"

"Umm… mom? Matt? Are you guys okay?"

She turned around and smiled at her youngest son. "Oh, we're just fine, TK. Yamato was just leaving."

"Yeah, I was-"

The door slammed in his face.

Yamato blinked at the sound, and swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat. As he walked back to the car, he considered what had just happened. Overall, it hadn't gone too bad. He didn't even curse at her or anything. She was just letting off steam that had been building for three years, that was all. She never had apologized for what had happened, and he had never gone out of his way to see her again, so that was to be expected. It hadn't been so bad. He was almost convinced before he reached the car. Almost.

"So, what took you so long?" Tai's dad asked once they were driving away.

"Uh, my mother wanted to talk."

"Oh, really? That's nice," Mrs. Yagami said.

Yamato didn't reply.

When Yamato unlocked his door, it was with something close to relief. He was finally home, where he could be himself and not have to worry about anything that might have plagued him. He closed and locked the door behind him, then turned to find his answering machine blinking. Once. Twice. Three times? Had he been out for that long? He pressed the button and heard an obnoxious beep.

His father's voice filled the room. "Hey, Matt. It's me. Just calling to see how you are. Talk to you later."

Another beep.

"-weird, I thought he'd be home by now." Yamato smiled. Tai was such a retard sometimes. "Oh. Hey, it's me. Just calling to say what's up. Later."

Another beep.

"Okay, seriously, what were you two arguing about?" Takeru's voice sounded anxious. "You know I hate it when you guys fight. Oh well… whatever, never mind. I guess I'll see you later."

Yamato deleted the messages and went into his room. He threw his bag down on his floor. So his father wanted to check up on him. That was… good. He supposed his father just wanted to know how he was doing. Maybe he even missed his son.

Tai had called.

…

Well, he was the one who said they wouldn't hang out today, so he really only had himself to blame. Besides, what was Tai thinking, believing him when he said that he had homework?

…

Anyway, the last call was what had disturbed him. What could he tell Takeru, exactly, to explain what had gone on between their mother and himself? He knew Takeru wouldn't want to hear about their conversation, so he'd have to come up with something believable. But he hated lying like that, especially to Takeru. But when it was in Takeru's best interests… well, he did say he hated it when they fought, right? Maybe he could think of something plausible to tell him.

Yamato walked back into the living room and found it ostentatiously clean. Dammit. He picked up a rag and began dusting off the furniture. It seemed pointless, but he couldn't think of anything else to do. The dishes were all done, he didn't have any homework (despite what he had told Taichi), and he just wasn't in the mood to practice his music. At least cleaning was cathartic. He didn't have to contemplate what he was doing at all. His movements were completely automatic. Was that why he did it so often? Was it because it was easy? Well, maybe not easy, but less complex than everything else? Not that his life was complex, it was just… difficult. Well, maybe difficult was the wrong word. After all, people were starving and living in destitution in unpronounceable countries in Africa. Who was he to say that his life was difficult when he was lucky enough to have a place to live, a father who cared about him, and some really good friends? It seemed presumptuous to complain. Even if he did feel like griping.

And why did he feel like criticizing anyway? It's not like his mother bothered him that much. He should be used to her by now. Well, at the very least he should have expected it. He just could never do anything right when he was near her. No matter what he said or did, it just wasn't good enough. That was probably why she had chosen Takeru over him. He had been old enough that she could tell how he acted, and she just didn't like it. She just didn't like the way he was. He didn't know exactly what way he was, but he knew that he couldn't change. He had tried being polite, charming, thoughtful, and even just civil. Nothing worked.

Ugh, why did he even care anymore? He shouldn't even be thinking about it. There were just some things that, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't change. Honestly, he didn't even feel like trying anymore. Maybe that was why they had gotten into an argument… because he hadn't tried hard enough to avoid it. His mother had even told him that she didn't want to fight, and he just couldn't accept that and walk away. He just had to stand there and start everything up again like a complete idiot. If he would have just walked away when she given him the chance, he was sure they would have parted on more amicable terms. God, why did he always have to do that? Couldn't he ever just leave well enough alone?

He realized he had been rubbing at the same spot on the coffee table for too long when the rag started to fray. He started and was about to continue at another spot when he realized that his hand was slightly hurting him. He threw the rag down on the table and looked at his hand. The bandage was fine; his skin must just be tender. Well, that was too fucking bad for him, wasn't it? He was just going to have to deal with it.

Yamato clenched his fist tightly. The slight pain began to hurt even more. He focused on the pain, and set his jaw firmly. He clenched his fist even tighter. He waited until he felt a cut reopen, and then he realized what he had done. Fuck. How stupid was he? He saw a small amount of blood beginning to stain the bandage, and he stared at it. Why had he done that?

He slowly unwound the bandage from his hand. A tiny line was just beginning to close up. Without thinking, he scraped at the cut with his other hand until it was fully open. It just wasn't enough. He had his other hand unwrapped before he realized what he was doing. Shit. He looked down and saw the two bandages lying haphazardly on the floor. He grabbed them and ran into the bathroom to throw them out.

What was he thinking? What if someone had seen him? What if he got a scar, and had to explain it away? Why would he do something like that?

He looked in the mirror and stared at his face. He looked… normal. A little pale, okay, but besides that, perfectly fine. Why didn't he look more… disheveled? His hair should be out of place, or something. Anything. Something should be wrong.

Yet it wasn't. Everything seemed fine. Was he over-reacting? Was he just being paranoid? Maybe he had just lost his temper and done something stupid. He didn't even think about it. Well, that was true. He hadn't even thought about it. Why didn't he think about it? Don't normal people think about it? Don't normal people realize when they're not thinking clearly? Wasn't he normal?

He looked down at his hand and felt… satisfied. No, maybe that was wrong? Not satisfied then. Relieved? No, that was even worse. He wasn't happy, or sad, or even angry. He was just… ambivalent? Was that really right? Could he really be ambivalent about something like this?

Something like what? For fuck's sake, what was he going on about, anyway? He just had an accident, is all. Just a small screw up, one of many in his life that would be forgotten by tomorrow. Don't be so fucking paranoid. God, just chill the fuck out.

He looked away from the mirror and went to his room. He glanced at his guitar briefly, before deciding to just lie down for a little while. What he needed was rest. Once he woke back up, everything would be fine. He'd forget all about whatever had just happened.

All he needed was a little sleep.

When Yamato opened his eyes hours later, the first thing that he realized was that it was almost dark outside. A second later he heard the phone ringing.

"Shit," he mumbled, stumbling into the other room. He picked up the receiver with a muffled, "Hello?"

"Hey."

Tai. "Mm. What's up?"

"You okay? You sound half asleep."

"Yeah. I just got up."

"Oh. Sorry."

"Whatever." A silence followed that made him slightly uncomfortable, so he said, "How was the diner?"

"Oh. It was good. We just chilled for a little while."

"Oh."

"Yeah." Tai sighed. "Are you mad at me?"

"What?"

"Are you mad at me?"

"For what?"

"For ditching you this afternoon."

Yamato bit his lip. Yes, he was slightly ticked off at Tai for that. It really was Yamato's fault. So he shouldn't complain. He really shouldn't complain.

"Only a little."

Tai paused. "But you said it was fine."

"I know," Yamato said, exasperated. "That's why I wasn't going to say anything. It's not like I blame you or anything, so don't worry about it."

"Look, I didn't realize the team wanted to go out together."

"Tai, it's fine. Seriously, it's fine."

Tai was silent for a second. "Alright. I am sorry, though. Next time I won't go."

"No!" Yamato shouted into the phone, groaning. "If you want to go hang out with your friends or teammates or whoever, go. I'm not stopping you."

"But you're mad at me."

"And you're whining. Tai, I'm just really not in the mood to talk about this. Can we please drop this subject?"

"Fine."

"Good."

"So, did you finish your homework?"

Yamato squirmed uncomfortably. "I didn't have any."

"What? You told me you did."

"Yeah, well, I lied."

"Why?"

"Because I didn't want you to feel like you had to choose between me and your other friends. Because you don't have to choose. And I didn't want you to feel guilty about having fun with them. They are, after all, important to you. Who am I to tell you not to hang out with them?"

"But you're important to me too! I didn't want to just leave you there."

"You didn't just leave me anywhere, Tai. I was with your parents and Hikari and Takeru. Everything was fine." He left out any dealings with his mother. Tai really didn't need to know about that.

"Okay, okay. Fine. So what are you doing tomorrow?"

"Nothing."

"Me either. Maybe we can meet up?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Okay. I'll talk to you tomorrow, then."

"Yeah. Later."

He slammed the phone down. What the hell was wrong with Tai, accusing him with that sort of bullshit? He acted as if Yamato had done something wrong. He had just been trying to give Tai some time to spend with his friends; what the fuck was he going off on him like that for? Had he really been that upset about Yamato giving him some time with other people?

Maybe that wasn't it. Tai could be pissed off because of something else. After all, they had spent practically all of yesterday and today together- it could really be anything. It was possible Tai had heard of him and his mom talking, and was upset that he had gotten angry that quickly at her. Or maybe Hikari had said something to him about… something he said? Did? Perhaps there was a friendly joke that had been taken the wrong way? Oh god, it could be anything. Takeru could have mentioned something to Hikari, who would have told Tai, and Tai could be upset with him for that. But he hadn't done anything to Takeru. Had he?

…

Shit. The fight with his mom. Takeru had heard the end of it, and probably more than that. Well, what the fuck could he do about it now! Tai didn't know much about his mom. He hadn't said anything to his best friend, and Tai respected him enough not to ask. Now Tai would know that his mom hated him.

Well, hate was too strong a word. She just enjoyed pointing out his faults every time she saw him. That wasn't nearly the same thing as hate. It was wrong of him to just assume that she hated him. After all, she was his mother. She was supposed to love him no matter what, regardless of… well, everything, really. He knew that he was jumping to conclusions, and he hated himself for it. How on earth would he ever be able to appease her if all he ever did when they met was argue? He didn't think it was his fault, but then why did his mother only act like that when he was around? Maybe she acted like that all the time and he only saw it whenever he was with her? But then Takeru would have mentioned it to him at some point. Then again, they didn't talk about her at all, so…

Although why would Takeru talk to Tai about it before he spoke to Yamato? It just didn't make any sense. Besides, Tai would have said something, wouldn't he? Yes, yes, of course he would. He had the biggest mouth out of anyone that Yamato knew. If he had something to say, he would have said it on the phone.

Yet what if he didn't have anything to say? What if Tai thought it wasn't important? What if Tai thought that Yamato wouldn't care about what the brunette thought? That was ridiculous. Tai knew how much Yamato needed to know what Tai thought. Well, about the important things, anyway. This would definitely be classified as 'important', but maybe Tai didn't think so. Maybe Tai thought that it would just blow over, and everything would be fine again.

No, things would never be fine: not with his mother, not with Tai, and not with life.

Ugh, this was getting him nowhere. He didn't want to think about that, anyway. All he was doing was going in circles. Why couldn't he just come up with a solution on his own? Why did he always have to second guess himself at every opportunity? God, he was just so useless. It wouldn't be a surprise if Tai totally rejected him. Not if, when. When. When Tai rejected him. It would happen. He was sure of it. Tai would get tired of him and realize how much of a pathetic loser the blonde really was, and then that'd be that, thank you very much, don't let the door hit you. He would throw their friendship out like a piece of old trash.

He didn't even want to think about what would happen if he ever told Tai that he was in love with him. Love… was that the right word? Was that the feeling that stopped his heart every time Tai walked in? What about when he caught Tai staring at him, which was a lot recently, and suddenly wondered just how out of place his hair was, how many circles were under his eyes, if he had broken out, if Tai could read his mind like a billboard, if his thoughts were written across his face, if Tai was staring through him or at him, AT him, like a person stares at something they're trying to figure out, something they long to have? What then? What was that sudden, desperate urge to crawl under his desk and hide during those moments? Tai could just be sitting at his desk and Yamato would want to wrap his arms around the brunette, hold him tightly, and breathe in his scent like oxygen. What was that? Is that what people call love? Lust? Desire? Affection? Obsession? Was he obsessed?

…

He liked to think not. He liked to think that he could live without Tai, especially as he would be one day.

…

It was best not to think about it. It really, really was.

Yamato frowned at the phone. Damn it. He picked it up and dialed Tai's number before he even realized what he was doing.

"Hello?" Hikari's voice sounded on the other end of the phone.

"Umm… hey, Kari. Is Tai there?"

"Hey, Matt. Yeah, just a sec."

There was a clank on the other end of the phone as the receiver was put down. Twenty seconds later, Tai picked it back up.

"Matt?" Tai asked.

"Are you mad at me?"

"What?"

"Are you pissed off at me?"

"Uh…"

"Because I'd really like to know if you are."

Silence. "Matt, what's wrong?"

"What do you mean?" Defensive. "Nothing's wrong. I just want to know if you're pissed off at me about something."

"What would I be pissed off at you for?"

"I don't know!" Exasperated. "You tell me."

Silence. "Matt, seriously, I'm not mad at you."

"You're not?" Quietly.

"No, I'm not. Are you okay?"

"Uh, yeah. Yeah, I'm fine."

"Are you sure? I could come over if you want…"

"No! No, it's fine. Thanks, though."

Disappointed. "Yeah, don't mention it. So I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah. See you tomorrow."

"Bye."

"Bye."

Yamato hung up, feeling extraordinarily better. Tai wasn't mad at him. He didn't know about the fight. He still wanted to meet up tomorrow. He smiled to himself and walked away, content.

Hours later, he wondered if Tai had really meant it. He tossed and turned in his bed, feet kicking out into open air, trying to get comfortable and failing miserably. He slept uneasily.

His doorbell was ringing. He fell out of bed, cursed, and stood up. It was light outside. What time was it? Doorbell. Who the hell was bothering him before… he glanced at a clock briefly… before one in the afternoon?

He unlocked the door and opened it a crack, muttering, "Who the hell is it?"

It was, of course, Taichi.

His friend looked at him, smiling. "Hey Matt. Wow, you look like shit."

Yamato rolled his eyes. "Thanks, Tai."

"Did you just get up?"

"No."

"Shut up."

"Screw you."

"It's already one o'clock. What the hell are you still doing in bed?"

"I'm not still in bed. I'm here answering the door."

"Yeah, yeah. So are you ready to go?"

Yamato raised an eyebrow at Tai. "Obviously not. I thought I was gonna call you."

"Well, I woke up at ten, and I got bored of waiting."

"So you couldn't call?"

"I thought you'd be up."

"Oh. Well, I'm not ready. I'm gonna need, like, an hour."

"An hour?"

"Yeah. At least."

"Oh." Tai bit his lower lip for a minute, then he looked back up at Yamato. "Well, can I come in? I mean, since you're gonna take a while. I could always go wait outside though, if you want…"

Yamato paused. Tai had never been in his apartment before. In fact, he'd never even asked to come in. Well, he had asked, but Yamato had never let him. But now here was Tai, waiting just outside his door, and he really couldn't let him wait outside while he got ready. Even though Tai had offered, it just seemed so… wrong. Tai shouldn't have to wait around for him.

So… Tai would be coming in his house. Well, that was… new. Different. Scary. Exciting. He wasn't entirely sure that he wanted to let him in, but he had been over to Tai's house many times, and he guessed it wasn't fair to let things slide like that. Was it?

No, no, it wasn't fair. Tai had every right to want to come inside his apartment. Especially now that he was going to have to wait for what would likely be over an hour for Yamato to get ready. There was no getting around it. He would just have to come in.

"Matt?" Tai asked, waiting for an answer. He looked ready to be turned away, which was no surprise, really. In fact, Yamato could still…

"Yeah," he said quickly, nodding his head. He just had to say it before he changed his mind was all. That way he couldn't back out. "Yeah, you can come in."

Tai looked at him for a minute. "Are you sure? I mean, I don't want to if you don't feel comfortable with it…"

"No, it's fine. I'm not going to make you wait out here, Tai," Yamato said, rolling his eyes. "Just come inside."

Tai grinned. "Okay."

"Wipe that stupid look off your face," Yamato said, opening the door.

Tai stepped into Yamato's apartment, and the world didn't end. He took off his shoes and put them just near the door.

"So, uh, here's the living room," Yamato said, gesturing to the room they were standing in.

"Wow, it's really nice. And clean."

"Not everyone lets their room degrade into a national disaster, you know."

Tai looked around, admiring. "No, this looks really nice."

Yamato walked away, unsure of how to respond to that. "And here's the kitchen and dining room."

Tai went straight for the refrigerator. He opened it and gasped. "You've got, like, a billion different things in here."

"No, I don't." Yamato said.

"You've got more than I do in my fridge."

"That's because you eat it all right away!"

"Do not."

"Do too."

"Do not."

Yamato glared at Tai. "You do too, and really, do you want to see the rest of the place or not?"

Tai closed the fridge and nodded. "Of course."

Yamato went down the hallway and pointed to a door. "That's my dad's room." He didn't take Tai in there. It would be too weird. He opened another door and let Tai in. "This is the bathroom."

Tai looked around for a minute and nodded. Yamato let him out first, and shut the door behind them. There was only one room left now. His apartment just wasn't that big, and he'd gone through everything else. He just really didn't want Tai to see his room. Well, that wasn't true. He wanted Tai to see his room. He wanted Tai to go into his room and say… something. Something Tai-like that would mean a lot to him. He just didn't want to show him his room and have him make fun of it, or something. That would be the absolute worst.

Tai was looking at him expectantly. There was no getting around it, then. A smile slowly spread across Tai's face, like he'd figured out what the delay was. Light twinkled in his eyes, and Yamato felt his anxiety rise even higher.

"And, uh, that's my room," he said, pointing out the door that was obviously his, given that it had rock posters plastered onto it.

"Yeah, I sort of got that," Tai said, still smiling. "Can I go in?"

"Uh…"

"You don't have to let me see it. I could see it some other time."

Tai was giving him a way out. The bastard.

"No, it's fine," Yamato said, glaring at his friend. He walked over to the door and put his hand on the doorknob. He started to open it, then stopped. "Just so you know, it's not really as clean as the other rooms are."

"Okay."

"And, uh, my stuff's really all over the place, so try not to step on any of it."

"Alright."

"Yeah… and I didn't really put my clothes away from yesterday. And my music's still out from last night, too. Maybe I should just-"

"Matt," Tai said, laughing. "It's fine."

"Fine," he replied, and opened the door.

Tai walked into his room. His room. The one place that Tai had never been before, that last remaining bit of his life that Tai was not privy to, and Tai walked into it. Sure, other people had been in it before, but never Tai. He felt on the verge of a nervous breakdown. What if he didn't like it? What if he said something really nasty about it? What if he just turned around and left, completely disgusted?

Yamato realized that Tai had already gone inside, and followed him. The brunette looked down at his desk, and saw the books and sheets of music that were laying open, half-written. He saw the small journal that held all the song lyrics Yamato had ever written. There were pens and pencils scattered about, and a desk lamp that barely got any use. A chair was half-pulled out, discarded clothes flung across it.

Tai looked at the walls, covered with rock and roll posters, anime posters, random snippets from magazines, one on top of another on top of another. He glanced at the alarm clock next to Yamato's bed, red numbers dimmed. Then he looked at Yamato's bed, covers on the floor, sheets tangled together, unkempt. Tai immediately noticed that the bed was shorter than his own. He could picture Yamato on it, feet dangling off the end, hands thrown out haphazardly. He smiled.

He saw the stereo in the corner, CD's piled next to it in no order at all. Yamato's harmonica was laying on the window sill, protected in its case. There was the guitar that he'd been playing recently, leaning up against the wall, ready to be played at any time.

He turned around again and noticed something he had missed at first. Right above Yamato's desk was a collection of photos. Tai walked closer, wanting a better look. There were pictures of Yamato's father, all the digimon, and the digi-destined, pasted up in a random order. There was a picture of Yamato and Takeru sleeping under a tree more in the center, and on the opposite side was a group shot of the Chosen Children and their digimon.

Right in the center was the best picture of them all. It was Yamato and him, right in the middle of laughing. Tai stared at the picture for a long time, longer than he should have considering Yamato was in the room, watching him.

"I didn't know you had this," Tai said, voice tight.

"Yeah," Yamato responded, quietly. "Hikari gave it to me."

Tai was silent for a few seconds. "I'll need to ask her for a copy," he finally said. He turned around and looked at Yamato. "Thanks for showing me this."

Yamato felt a blush coming on, and he looked at the ground. "No problem." He waited a minute, and when it became apparent that Tai wasn't going to say anything, he continued. "So, uh, what do you think?"

Tai looked at Yamato and smiled. "I love it."

"Really?"

Tai nodded. "It's so… you. It really is. It's almost exactly like how I imagined it would be."

He imagined how Yamato's room would be? That was… nice, he finally decided. It was nice.

"So, uh, I've got to take a shower and get dressed. So if you want to just wait in the living room, I could get you something to drink. You could watch TV."

"Yeah, that sounds good," Tai said, happy for no apparent reason. "I'll go sit on your couch, then."

"Uh, okay."

"Okay," Tai said. He gave the room another look, and walked out.

Yamato breathed again. He picked up his sheets from the floor and threw them on his bed. He grabbed his old clothes and shoved them in the hamper. By the time he walked out of his room, Tai was already sitting on the couch, flipping through channels.

"Umm… do you want something to drink?" Yamato asked, unconsciously twisting his shirt with his hands.

Tai looked up at him, and smiled gently. "Yeah. You know what?" He got up and walked over to the blonde. "Show me where the dishes are."

Yamato blinked, still wringing his hands. "What?"

"Come on," Tai said. He grabbed Yamato's hand and tugged him in the direction of the kitchen. "Show me where things are."

Yamato walked to the kitchen, not quite sure what Tai was talking about. "Umm… here are the plates and bowls," he said, opening a cabinet and showing them to him. "Here's the cups." He opened a different cabinet. "And here's all the utensils," he said, pulling open a drawer next to the sink. "You already looked at the fridge, so…"

Tai reached up and grabbed a cup out of the cabinet. "Thanks."

"Yeah. Uh, why did you want to know that? You know I could've gotten you a cup, right?" Yamato asked, closing the other cabinets he had opened.

"So I can get my own drink when I come over."

Yamato stopped and turned around to face him. "What?"

Tai stepped forward, smiling. "Well, it would be a pain for you to get up every time I needed something. I mean, what if we're on the couch watching a movie and I suddenly desperately need some soda? You get your own food at my house, so I figured it would be alright if I got my own food at your house. If that's okay with you?"

Yamato blinked. "Uh, yeah. Yeah, that's fine."

"Good."

"I just didn't think…" Yamato trailed off, nervous and frustrated.

"What?" Tai asked.

"I don't know. I just thought that you wouldn't be coming over."

"Do you not want me to come over?"

"No!" Yamato said, too quickly. "I mean, no, I don't mind if you come over. I just thought that you wouldn't want to."

"Of course I want to," Tai said. "Of course."

"Oh," Yamato said, quietly. Why was he acting so weird? Tai was probably thinking that he didn't want him over at all. That wasn't it. He wanted Tai to come over, he just didn't want Tai to leave. He didn't want Tai to start coming over, for them to get even closer, and then for Tai to up and leave. He knew it would happen, but he just hated it. Most of all, he hated that there was nothing he could do to stop it.

"Matt?" Tai asked, placing his hand on Yamato's shoulder. "You alright?"

Yamato looked at Tai. Tai was looking at him intently, and he blushed before he could stop it. He looked down, willing his blush away. "Yeah. I'm fine. You always ask me that, you know that?"

Yamato felt a hand lifting his chin up, until he was looking Tai in the eyes again. "I know." Tai's hand moved up the side of his face, fingertips just brushing his skin. Yamato felt his hair move slightly as Tai played with a piece of it. He held his breath, closing his eyes slightly. Tai had never done this before.

"Yama?" Tai asked, softly.

"Mm?"

He paused. "You need to go get ready. Remember? So we can go out?" He sounded almost reluctant.

"Oh. Yeah," Yamato said, slightly leaning into Tai's hand.

Tai chuckled. "Or we could just leave right now, with you still in your pajamas and your hair a wreck."

Yamato opened his eyes and took a step back. Tai let his hand fall to his side. "Uh… yeah…"

Tai grinned. "Go on." He turned around and opened the fridge. "I'm helping myself to some cola."

"Sure," Yamato said. "Whatever you want."

Tai laughed. "Come on, Matt, hurry up!"

Yamato turned around and walked to the bathroom. "Fine, fine."

Tai watched him walk away, breathing slightly erratic. He swallowed, and tried to stop his hand from shaking.

Yamato emerged freshly showered and dressed just over an hour later. He had tried to stop thinking about the fact that just in the other room was Tai, waiting for him. The way Tai's hand had felt as it moved along his cheek, and the tone of his voice when he stated that he would be coming over regularly. Yamato had tried to not think about it. He really, really had.

Still, he was achingly aware of Tai every second. He wanted to know what the brunette was doing in his living room. Was he sitting on the sofa, legs crossed, one hand around the remote control (flipping through channels endlessly), the other wrapped around his drink? Was he literally on the edge of his seat, so engrossed in some show or other that he wouldn't even notice it when Yamato finally finished? Or maybe he was sprawled out, facedown on the couch, bored and restless.

It never occurred to him that Tai wouldn't be in the living room. Yamato stopped briefly and then headed for the kitchen. No Tai.

Then, faintly, he could hear his bedspring squeaking. He walked towards his room door, noticed that it was slightly ajar, and pushed it the rest of the way open. Tai was lying down on Yamato's bed, face buried in the pillow.

"What are you doing?"

Tai pushed himself up with a sharp breath and made to get off the bed. Since these things always happen at the most inconvenient times, Yamato was not surprised when the blankets got tangled up around Tai's feet and he fell onto the floor.

Tai hissed in response and glared up at him.

Yamato raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"You made me fall off the bed!"

"I didn't."

"You did."

"I didn't."

"You did!"

Yamato glared. "Why were you on my bed, anyway?"

Tai disentangled himself from the sheets, causing a ruckus and giving himself some extra time to formulate an answer. By the time he threw them down, he had a perfect answer planned out. "I was tired."

Yamato raised an eyebrow. "So you went to my room to sleep?"

"Yes."

"You could've just used the couch."

Okay, so maybe it hadn't been the perfect answer. "Well… you always use my bed at my house, so I just thought that…"

"That you could use mine?"

"Yeah."

Yamato blinked. He stared at Tai. "Well, are you ready to go now or what?"

"Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm ready."

Yamato rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

Yamato got back to his apartment hours later. They had gone to the mall for a few hours to window shop. It had been fun, even though his feet had been hurting him slightly. Well, there was nothing to be done about that.

He was just glad to be home now. He loved spending time with Tai, but there was a feeling he couldn't shake whenever they were together. A feeling of finality, almost. As if this time was the absolute last time he would get to see Tai, and he had better appreciate it while it lasted. The feeling made him uncomfortable; it left him feeling restless and moody.

He felt it again now. Yamato closed his eyes, picturing the way Tai had looked right before they parted. A quick wave, a wide grin, and then he was gone. He opened his eyes.

He really needed to write.

Yamato took off his shoes and hung up his coat. He went directly to his bedroom, stopping at the sight of the mangled sheet on his floor.

That's right.

Tai had been in there that morning.

Yamato looked away from the sheet and walked over to his desk. He pulled out the chair and sat down, grabbing his notebook and a pen. He stared at the blank paper a minute before remembering his conversation with Tai's mom yesterday morning.

' _I'm not trying to be tough but I can't become enough of a kid to be weak_.'

That was true, wasn't it? He had never felt like a kid, even when his father was around he still felt mature. Responsible. He didn't think he had it in him to give up control to someone else.

It was almost a kind of cowardice, really. That inability to let go, to let someone else take care of him. It was a weakness. Everyone else he knew had people they relied on. Friends, family, people they thought they could count on when things got rough. But Yamato didn't have anyone like that.

His father was never around, and when he was, Yamato didn't want to bother him. His brother had his own life, and it was so different from Tai's that he felt like they couldn't relate to each other anymore. And Tai? Well, Tai was always offering to do things for him, but Yamato felt so guilty afterwards. Tai shouldn't have to do things for him.

Anyway, it wasn't like things were really that rough for Yamato. After all, he had everything he needed. He had an apartment to live in, and his dad took care of the bills. He had food and clothing. He had friends, school, and music to keep him busy. He was popular. He got good grades. He knew people envied him for some of that.

Yet he still felt… dejected. Almost as if none of that was worth it. He sighed and flicked the pen on his notebook a few times.

' _I still can't find the data_ '

Maybe that was the problem. Maybe he was just looking at the wrong aspects of his life. Maybe he should be focusing more on being happy. On doing things that made him feel good.

Of course, most things that he thought would feel good involved Tai. If he acted on any of those, he knew he would lose their friendship. He wasn't prepared to give that up. Not yet.

' _But_ '

He couldn't help it. He wanted to be with Tai. He knew it was wrong, that Tai would hate him, that he would lose whatever connection they had at even the mention of something more between them. But maybe it was alright to hope for something more. Maybe it was the only thing he could do right now.

He had been feeling so tired lately. Tired of everything. Going to school tomorrow seemed like the worst thing in the world at the moment. He had even almost missed going out with Tai today. It was like he just couldn't be bothered with anything anymore.

He didn't know why this was happening. One minute he would be fine, then the next… he was thinking too much. He was always thinking too much, it seemed. Why did he always have to second guess himself? He felt like he wasn't going anywhere, that everything he did was a waste of time. Really, what was the point of all of this? Even writing was becoming a chore.

But no.

No.

He had to think things through like this. He knew that if he didn't, he would forever be caught in these endless cycles of repetition. He liked Tai, but if he told Tai, Tai would hate him. Their friendship would be over. Yamato didn't want that, so he wouldn't tell Tai. But he wanted to tell Tai that he liked him, but if he told him… and so on. Yamato wanted to spend more time with his father, but his father was never around. He knew this was because he was busy working, and he didn't want to be annoying when his father came home. So he ended up keeping quiet, and not telling his father anything. Then, his father thought nothing was wrong and left again. Then there was Takeru. Yamato wanted to be a good big brother to him, but every time that Takeru came over he seemed to screw up somehow. Takeru pretended not to care, but Yamato knew that he did. Of course he wanted a great older brother, someone to look up to, and Yamato wanted to be that for him. But he always messed up…

It seemed like his life was going in circles, and he was getting dizzy from it. He wanted it to stop, but he didn't know how to make everything okay.

What was even wrong? He couldn't figure it out, no matter how hard he tried. There were plenty of people that didn't even have what he did. He couldn't even think of what it was that he wanted so badly that he didn't have.

…

Except for the obvious, of course.

He sighed. This was really getting him nowhere. There was one thing he could do, though.

Yamato threw the pen down. It clattered onto the notebook. He glared at it briefly before getting up. He went out into the kitchen and made himself a snack. He ate it, cleaned up, did the dishes. He got his backpack ready for tomorrow. He made sure the front door was locked and all the lights were off. He got changed into his pajamas. He went to the bathroom, brushed his teeth, washed his hands. He went back into his bedroom. He pulled the sheet up from off the floor and laid down on his bed. He closed his eyes.

It wouldn't be so difficult, really. At first, he was sure it would be awkward. But maybe it would work. It could bring him out of this circle he'd been running around in. That was what was important. That was his goal.

He opened his eyes and walked quickly to his desk. He grabbed the pen before he could think better of it.

' _I'll try being myself_.'

~*~*~*~*~*~


	7. Devious

The next ten days passed in a blur for Yamato. It seemed as though his new resolution was going to be impossible to keep. He wasn't even sure who he was, so how could he be himself? How could he possibly know what was the right way to act?

It was a problem he had no idea how to overcome. Even when he tried being honest, tried to say what he meant and to say and act how he wanted to, it was nearly impossible for him to do so. After all, he had never acted without thinking before. That was Tai's forte. Instead, he thought things through until he was certain there was nothing left to think about, until he had examined every possibility thoroughly. That was his problem, he knew it.

Yamato shook his head and grit his teeth. He was going to stop doing this if it killed him in the end. He needed to stop thinking things through endlessly. It always ended with him feeling uncomfortable and nothing at all resolved.

Of course, he couldn't resolve anything if he didn't think about it at all, either.

Yamato sighed and slunk down in his chair. Even though today was a half-day, it was taking too long to end. He normally didn't mind English class, but ever since his resolution he'd been even more confused about things he used to be sure about. It wasn't that he didn't know how to act, although really that was a part of it. It was more that he had no idea what he did that was an act and what he did that he actually he wanted to.

Yamato felt a small thump on his temple and looked over. Tai was staring straight ahead, looking innocent and attentive. Yamato narrowed his eyes and looked at the ground near his feet. There was a small piece of crumpled paper lying there. He reached down and picked it up, not really caring about being caught at it by the teacher. Luckily enough, the teacher was going off about something inane, as usual, so there was no need to worry.

_Hey, you okay?_

Yamato rolled his eyes and couldn't help grinning a bit. He scribbled back, _You just can't help yourself, can you?_

He passed it to Tai, who glanced at it, frowned, and replied quickly.

_Huh?_

_Nevermind_ , Yamato wrote back. _What's up?_

_Are you still coming over for dinner tonight?_

He blinked and stared at Tai's question. Why would Tai ask him that? Unless there was some problem he didn't know about. Maybe Tai really didn't want him to come over after all. His parents were probably busy with preparations for tomorrow. Yamato had never made a true Thanksgiving dinner, so he wasn't really certain how these things worked. A normal meal only took an hour or less to make. But for Thanksgiving, certainly there was a lot more to it?

Yamato glanced at the note again. It didn't seem like Tai was asking because he didn't want Yamato to go. There really was no reason to panic over it. Plus, Yamato had been looking forward to having dinner with Tai's family tonight. Tomorrow he was going to be eating alone, since Takeru would be eating with his mother, who never invited Yamato over, and his father was still working. So, for tonight at least, he wanted to have a real family dinner. Even if it wasn't with his own family.

_Yeah. If it's still all right._

Tai's brow furrowed as he read the note. He frowned and scratched out a reply.

_Of course it's still all right. Mom's making all your favorite stuff. Talk to you after class._

Yamato crumpled up the note and dropped it into his bookbag. He couldn't help smiling a bit. At the very least, Tai still wanted him to go. Tai still wanted him around. The thought popped in his mind, as it always did, that it wouldn't last. Eventually, Tai would find him disgusting, or pathetic, or any number of other horrible things that he undoubtedly was. For now, though, he would enjoy Tai's company while he still could.

§§§§§§§§§§

Tai leaned against the locker next to Yamato's, grinning.

"Hurry up, Matt. Let's go. It's a half-day. We should be gone already."

Yamato shook his head and quickly put the books he didn't need away. He grabbed his Biology and Algebra books, shoved them into his bookbag, and closed his locker. He spun the combination and looked back at Tai.

"All right. Let's go, since you're so eager."

Tai bounced up and down on the balls of his feet and sighed dramatically. "I can't help it! It's almost Thanksgiving!"

Yamato turned and walked towards the door, shrugging his bookbag on as he did so. "Uh huh."

Tai caught up with him and held out his hand. "You want me to carry that?"

Yamato shifted his shoulders to settle his bag and shook his head.

"You sure? 'Cause you know, if you're still not feeling great, I could-"

"I said it was fine, Tai."

Tai shrugged, a small frown appearing on his face. "If you say so."

Yamato's feet actually _were_ still hurting him, even though his hands had completely recovered. But they weren't hurting enough to complain about it, and in some way, Yamato felt that he deserved it. He was constantly almost-lying to Tai, and even besides that, he still felt as if he wasn't sticking with his new resolution.

"Matt, you're spacing out again."

Yamato blinked and looked at Tai. "What?"

"Nothing, never mind," Tai replied, waving a hand around. "Let's just get to my house soon, okay?"

"What do you mean? I thought I was going to your place at five."

Tai shrugged. "Well, I mean, yeah, that _was_ the plan. But, you know, since we're together now and all, it doesn't make any sense for you to go home and then come back to my place later, does it?"

Yamato had been planning on going back to his house and checking what he still needed to do. He probably needed to buy groceries, and he almost definitely needed to clean _something_. Still, there was no way he could do any of that now. If Tai was willing to spend time with him, he wasn't about to throw away the opportunity.

"All right, yeah," Yamato said.

Tai smiled. "Great! I already told my mom you were coming over, so it's all good."

"You already told her?"

"Yep."

"That was stupid. What would you have done if I said no?"

Tai's grin spread even wider. "Come on, Matt. You know you were definitely coming."

". . ."

"Well, you were."

"Fine, all right, I was. Happy now?"

"Yes."

Yamato shook his head and concentrated on walking to Tai's house. It would only be a few hours now until dinner, and he was sure it would be well worth the wait.

§§§§§§§§§§

The table was filled with food, so much so that Yamato wondered if Tai's mom had left anything for Thanksgiving. Then again, Tai was known for having an almost-insatiable stomach. She had probably resigned herself to cooking twelve extra servings per meal for him a long time ago.

"Yamato, would you like anything else? You don't seem to be eating all that much."

The slight prod from Tai's mom forced Yamato to look up and smile a little. "I'm fine, thank you," he said, then took another bite of his food to prove it.

"Don't worry, mom," Tai said, shaking his head and pointing his fork at Yamato. "He's just a slow, picky eater."

Yamato rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

"Ah, you know it drives me _nuts_ when you say that!" Tai exclaimed, glaring. "You do it just to tick me off, I know it!"

Yamato opened his mouth to reply but stopped when he heard Kari giggling.

"Come on, Tai," she said, stifling a giggle. "As if."

"As if _what_?" Tai said, shooting a look at his younger sister. "What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

"Now, now," Mr. Yagami said. "There's no need for all this—"

"Honestly, Tai," Mrs. Yagami interrupted, frowning. "Could you _please_ try to act civilized in front of a guest?"

"Mom!" Tai said, groaning. "I _am_ acting—"

"No, you're acting immature, and—"

"Besides, Matt's not a _guest_ ," Tai said. He shook his head a little and half-smiled. "He practically _lives_ here, so—"

"He doesn't _live_ here—"

"Um, it's really all right," Yamato said, looking back and forth between Tai and his mom. "I didn't mean to—"

"Oh, you didn't do anything, dear," Mrs. Yagami said, smiling.

"Don't worry about it, Matt," Tai replied, smiling. "It's not your fault my mom's—"

Kari clamped a hand over Tai's mouth and laughed a little too loudly. "Well, dinner is absolutely excellent, isn't it? Matt?"

Yamato took a moment to swallow and then nodded. "Oh yeah. It's great. Thanks, Mrs. Yagami."

"Mm, you're very welcome, Yamato." Mrs. Yagami turned and pinned her son with a look. "Why can't you be more polite? Like Yamato?"

"Mom," Tai groaned, dragging a hand down his face. "Do we _have_ to talk about this now?"

Yamato grinned, ducking his head slightly down to hide it. This was exactly why he liked going over to Tai's house. The atmosphere was so… happy. Friendly. Even their banter was soothing. It was such a different experience for him. Something that he hadn't ever really known.

Who knew that families could be together this way? That people could laugh together and fight with each other and say whatever came to their minds without fear of censure or repercussions? That a mother and son verbally sparring with each other could double as entertainment?

It was all so _different_. He just didn't know what to make of it. He was sure he would mess it up if he said or did something wrong, but, for some reason, Tai's family had never told him that he wasn't welcome. In fact, they had always made him feel… comfortable, he supposed. Like a warm blanket on a cold night, or curling up on a couch and watching a movie, or holding a guitar and playing a simple tune. Being with Tai's family washed over him like nothing else did. Even Takeru, who Yamato loved wholeheartedly, did not make him feel the same way.

 

Well, that was only to be expected, though, wasn't it? Takeru came with all sorts of problems. Takeru was family, but they weren't family like Tai's family was. They didn't do much of anything besides meet up once a week for dinner. Takeru wasn't there for most events in Yamato's life. They never really talked, and when they did talk, it was only about stupid stuff that didn't matter.

Tai's family wasn't like that. They talked. They cared about each other. Tai could probably go to anyone in his family if he had a problem. Who could Yamato go to? There was no one. His dad was never home. Takeru was his younger brother; Yamato couldn't talk to him about things. He was the older brother—he was the one who should be offering advice. And his mom…

Yamato sighed. It just wasn't a good idea to think about these things. Every time he did, he ended up depressed. He squeezed his fork a little tighter and felt the wounds on his hand ache a little in response. He still didn't know why he had reopened them. It made no sense. _He_ made no sense.

"Yamato?"

The blonde looked up and smiled at Mrs. Yagami. "Hm?"

"You're still not eating." Concern laced through her voice, a sharp sound that had him holding back a flinch.

He quickly picked up his fork and began to eat at a steady pace. Once Mrs. Yagami watched him for a moment or two, she went back to the conversation, which Yamato had been tuning out. He concentrated on eating and on acting like nothing was wrong. Not that anything was _wrong_ , exactly, but… well, the last thing Yamato wanted to do was ruin this dinner. So, he was going to try and engage himself in the conversation, laugh at the jokes, and just generally be a part of a normal family dinner.

Of course, he couldn't actually be a part of it the way he wanted to be, but—

No. No. He was going to pay attention to the conversation. That's what he was going to do.

"—poured water all over it!" Hikari exclaimed, much to the delight of Tai, who burst out laughing. "It's not funny Tai! I needed that book for class, and he just had to go and ruin it!"

"Maybe he was _flirting_ with you, Kari," Tai said, grinning at her.

"Ew, he was _not_! Tai, don't be gross," Kari said, sticking her tongue out at him.

"Yeah, Tai," Yamato said, smirking. "Don't be gross."

Tai grinned at Yamato, which of course had Yamato grinning back at him. "I'm not being gross, Kari." Tai turned to look back at his sister. "I'm just saying he could li—"

" _Mom_ , make him shut _up_ ," Kari said, looking at her mother for support.

"Tai, stop bothering your sister," Mrs. Yagami said, shaking her head. "Honestly, how many times do I have to—"

"I'm not _bothering_ her, mom, I'm only—"

"Don't argue with your mother," Mr. Yagami said in between a mouthful of food.

"Ew, dad's gross!" Kari said, sticking her tongue out.

"Don't talk with your mouth full! You're setting a bad example," Mrs. Yagami said, frowning at her husband.

Mr. Yagami took a moment to swallow before he spoke. "You're right, dear. I apologize."

Mrs. Yagami nodded and looked archly over at Tai. " _That's_ the way mature, responsible adults act when something they've done wrong has been pointed out to them."

Tai groaned and slapped a hand against his face. "What did I do _this_ time?"

Yamato laughed and quickly tried to stifle it. Tai looked at him and scowled.

"You're laughing at me, aren't you?"

Yamato bit his lower lip and shook his head.

"Oh yeah. _That's_ real convincing," Tai said. But he was grinning again, so Yamato thought it was all right.

The conversation flowed smoothly from there. Yamato felt more at home than he had in a while. Even the pain in his hand couldn't detract from the sheer satisfaction of not having to deal with any of his problems. It was like everything that he had been worried about simply faded away, leaving him there to enjoy whatever was presented to him without having to worry about double meanings and comparisons that left him feeling miserable.

It was nice. It was a feeling that Yamato didn't have often, and he savored it. The simple ability to just sit there and laugh and be relatively happy. His whole body felt lighter, somehow. As if a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders.

For Yamato, Tai's house was an alternate dimension—a place where the real world couldn't touch him. Everything that bothered him ceased to matter when he walked through that door. It was only his own fault when he began thinking too much in Tai's house. If Yamato just didn't think about things, Tai's house was like a haven.

"Yamato?"

He looked up and found Hikari standing over him. After a slight surprised pause, Yamato asked, "Hm?"

"Are you done?" Hikari looked pointedly at his plate, which was almost empty. Yamato nodded, and she reached over to take it. "I'll just take this then."

"Oh. No, it's okay," Yamato said, standing up quickly. "I'll get it." He grabbed his plate and went into the kitchen where Tai was already washing some of the dishes. Yamato hadn't even noticed that everyone had left the table. He really had to start paying attention.

"Tai, I'll do it."

Tai shook his head. "Nah, I've got it."

Hikari walked by Yamato and handed Tai a few more dishes. "It's his turn anyway," she said.

Mr. Yagami was standing by the refrigerator, pouring himself a glass of soda. "How long are you staying, Yamato?"

"Oh, uh…" Yamato bit his lower lip. Was he in the way? He had already intruded on their dinner. Maybe Mrs. Yagami needed time to make preparations for tomorrow's meal? Thanksgiving was a lot of work, after all, and he was sure that she would need a lot of time for that. Maybe he was just in the way…

"I can just go…," Yamato said, hesitantly.

"No! Don't go yet," Tai said, glancing over his shoulder at Yamato. "I'm still doing the dishes! At least wait until I'm done."

"Isn't your father expecting you?" Mr. Yagami asked, causing Yamato to mentally curse.

"Uh, yeah. Yeah, but he knows I'm here, so…"

"He'll be worried, though, if you get home too late."

The concern in Mr. Yagami's voice made Yamato's gut clench. He struggled to come up with a reply, knowing that whatever he said would be a lie.

"He can at least wait until I'm done," Tai said, whining just a little bit. "Dad, come on, his dad knows he's here. If something happens, he can just call."

Mr. Yagami frowned but nodded. "All right, but if I hear you've worried him there'll be trouble."

"Yes, sir," Yamato said, nodding and staring hard at the ground.

"Well, _I'll_ be in my room," Kari said. Yamato heard her footsteps move slowly away before Mr. Yagami spoke again.

"Why don't you call your father, just so he knows you're okay?"

"Dad—"

"No, Tai, it's all right," Yamato said. "I'll go call him now."

Mr. Yagami nodded and walked out, saying, "I'll just go see where my wife's run off to."

Yamato stood there for a moment before shifting his gaze to Tai's back. The brunette was still washing the dishes, and he didn't seem to be paying any attention to Yamato.

"Well… I'll just go call my dad now…" Yamato said, shifting his weight from foot to foot.

Tai nodded. "All right. Just come back when you're done, okay?" He looked at Yamato over his shoulder. "Don't leave without me."

Yamato swallowed and nodded. "I wouldn't. I mean, I won't."

Tai looked back at the dishes and said, "Okay then." His voice sounded kind of strange, but Yamato couldn't tell why.

He turned around and walked to the hall, then stood and stared at the phone for a minute. No one was around, so it wouldn't really matter if he didn't call his place. What was he supposed to do anyway? Leave himself a message?

Yamato closed his eyes and sighed. He couldn't believe this. After everything the Yagamis had done for him, what was he doing for them in return? Lying. That was all he could offer them—a lie. It was just that he didn't want them to feel bad about things they had no control over. He knew Tai's parents would feel guilty if they knew he wasn't having a traditional Thanksgiving dinner, and he just wanted to spare them that much.

At least, that's what he liked to think. But maybe it was really more selfish than that. Maybe he just wanted to avoid the consequences of actually telling them that he would be alone. That he had been alone for a long time now. Whenever he thought about it—about telling Tai or Tai's family or anyone, really, no matter the circumstances—only one image came into his head.

The look of pity that would cross their faces. That was all that he would see. And that would hurt more than anything else they could offer him. To know that people pitied him, actually _pitied_ him, was just…

Yamato shook his head. It wouldn't happen. There was no way he would let anyone think he was that weak. So what if he didn't live a life that was considered average? He didn't want to be average, anyway. He wanted to be a rock star, for God's sake. Average wasn't his thing.

Pity wasn't his thing either, though, and that was more the point. He almost didn't care if people thought he lived a normal, boring life. In fact, it would probably be better if they thought that because then he wouldn't have to worry about them thinking there was something wrong. Something that needed to be fixed.

There was nothing in Yamato's life that needed to be _fixed_ , of that he was sure. Everything was as good as it could be, and he was going to make sure it stayed that way. He wasn't going to complain about anything and risk changing how people acted to him—the last thing he wanted was even more things to constantly worry about.

…

Which was exactly what he was doing right now! Yamato made a disgusted noise and, once again, promised himself he would stop standing around thinking in circles. He had probably taken way too long with the pretend phone conversation, and now he was going to have to think up an excuse about why it had taken so long to just call his dad and let him know he'd be at Tai's for a little longer. Well, whatever. He'd worry about it if someone asked him.

Yamato turned around, preparing himself to lie _yet again_ to Tai's family, only to find Tai standing there.

"Tai!" he yelped. "Wh-what are you doing?"

Tai gave him another unreadable look and shrugged. "Waiting for you."

"Oh. Uh…" Yamato paused and bit his lower lip. "How long have you been standing there for?"

Tai shrugged again. "A bit."

Yamato nearly growled at the vague answer. How long had Tai been standing there? Long enough to know that Yamato was lying, that he hadn't ever called his dad? Or just long enough to think that he was spacing out again? It was suddenly very important that Tai thought Yamato hadn't lied. If Tai found out Yamato had been lying to him, well…

Tai had already accused him of it. A few times, come to think of it. Damn it.

"So, uh, you ready to go or what?"

Yamato stared at Tai just a second more and then nodded. "Yeah, all right."

"Then let's go."

The walk back to Yamato's house was silent. Completely silent. Not even their normal occasional comments about the weather or a class or some homework were made. Yamato spent the entire time glancing nervously at Tai, who just seemed to be walking straight ahead, staring at nothing.

It was nerve-wracking. What was Tai thinking? Why was he being so… so… un-Tai-like? Guilt crushed down on Yamato—he knew it was his own fault that Tai was acting like this. He was making Tai unhappy. Again. Why did he always seem to make Tai worry about him, or get upset, or become frustrated? Couldn't Yamato ever just shut up and let Tai be happy?

Yamato hunched his shoulders and kept walking. It didn't make any difference now, anyway. Tai was upset, and he had every right to be. Yamato had lied to him, had given Tai even more cause to distrust him, had basically ruined their relationship.

He closed his eyes at the thought. Ruined their relationship? Surely that was just an exaggeration. Tai couldn't be that mad… but a quick glance told Yamato that Tai was still staring straight ahead. Which could really only mean one thing.

He had ruined their relationship.

When they finally arrived at his apartment, Yamato stopped in front of the door. He didn't want to just stand there, waiting for Tai, but…

"Matt."

Yamato looked at Tai quickly, only to find him staring at the ground.

"...Yeah?"

"…Can I come in?"

Oh, no. If Yamato let Tai in now, Tai would be able to prove all of the things that he currently only _thought_ Yamato had lied about. That wasn't going to happen.

"No," Yamato said, quickly. "Sorry, but you know, my dad…"

Tai was still staring at the floor, which made everything harder. Usually, Tai's eyes would give him away. The brunette really couldn't hide anything. Sometimes, Yamato couldn't figure out what it was that he was seeing, but there was always something there in Tai's eyes. Some sort of emotion that would let Yamato know exactly what he should be saying or doing. But with Tai consciously looking away from him…

"Just for a sec," Tai said quietly. "I just want to…" Tai looked up then, and Yamato swallowed at the look on Tai's face. There was something there that he had never seen before, even on other people's faces. It didn't look right on Tai. It was too… sad, maybe? But it wasn't sad. It was something else. Like sadness, only more resigned.

Yamato took a breath, thinking of what he should say. He didn't like seeing that look on Tai's face. He wanted it gone. But, maybe even more than that, he didn't want Tai to pity him. Which he knew would happen if he let Tai go in and see that he was alone. Again.

But that was too selfish. This was Tai. This wasn't just some random person who didn't know him. This was Tai, who sat next to him in English class and walked him home from school and complimented his cooking and bandaged his hands with a careful, serious expression. Tai deserved something from him, and it wasn't lies, and it wasn't standing outside waiting to be let in, either.

"Forget it." Tai shook his head a little and let his gaze fall once more. "You know what? Just… forget it."

"Tai…" Yamato's throat felt dry. He raised a hand, whether to reach towards Tai or his own neck he wasn't sure. But Tai turned away and left without another word, and Yamato was left standing there, reaching for the emptiness in front of him.

§§§§§§§§§§

Thanksgiving was a quiet affair. Preparing the food only took an hour. Then he had to sit and wait for it to be done. But he needed to keep busy. Because if he wasn't busy, he might start thinking about—something he didn't want to think about.

There had to be _something_ to do. All of his homework took him just under an hour to finish. He played a few chords on his guitar, but the wounds on his hand made it impossible for him to really enjoy the music. The house was clean, but then again dirt piled up quickly. So he cleaned some more, just in case.

Yamato wished there was no sound. He wished that he couldn't hear some little girl giggling through the window. He heard cars slowing down, people coming out to say hello, warm welcomes and pleasantries exchanged. There were doorbells ringing, screen doors opening, soft rustling of fabric as handshakes and hugs were passed around, free to anyone who asked.

He got up and closed the window. Thick, heavy silence descended across the living room. Yamato turned to walk away from the window, but he found himself walking slower than normal. It was almost as if time had stopped. He was still at the window, looking out at other peoples' lives. He would move away if he could, but his feet felt leaden. So he was forced to stand there and watch.

But he really was walking away, and he really did have to stop over-analyzing things. Dinner would be ready soon. There were more important things to be doing than spying on his neighbors.

A shrill sound echoed through his apartment, startling him completely. It was the phone, which was odd because there was only one person who would call him today and they were having a fight.

Unless...

Unless Tai was calling to make up?

Yamato crossed the room in seconds, picking up the phone even before he had thought of what to say.

"Hello?" His voice sounded strained, but that could be taken in any number of ways. Best to let Tai think it was his fault. That might get an apology out of him.

"Hey Matt! Happy Thanksgiving!"

Takeru's voice rang out happily. Yamato leaned heavily against the wall and forced a more cheerful note into his voice.

"Hey TK. Thanks."

There was a pause, and then Takeru made an impatient noise. "Well?"

"Well what?"

"Where's my 'happy Thaksgiving'?"

Yamato closed his eyes and pressed his forehead into the wall. "Sorry. Happy Thanksgiving."

"So, how are you guys doing over there?"

"Fine. We're fine."

"Oh." Takeru paused. "Well, I guess that's good."

"Yeah."

"It, um, sounds sort of quiet."

"Yeah."

"… Matt?"

"Yeah?"

"You sure everything's fine?"

"Yeah. Yeah, everything's fine."

"All right. If you say so. I've gotta go anyway. Mom's calling me and all. So I'll talk to you later?"

"Yeah."

"Oh! And tell Dad I said happy Thanksgiving!"

"I will."

"See ya!"

"Yeah. Later."

He hung up the phone slowly, carefully replacing it with a small click. Then there was silence again, and he wondered why he had answered the phone at all.

But there was no point in thinking that way. So he finished making dinner and laid out the table using their best dishes and silverware. He set down the food on the table on semi-artfully arranged platters and bowls. Then he sat down. Then he ate.

The room was desperately quiet. The only sounds were the small sounds of chewing and cutting and clinking and other, inconsequential noises like Yamato's slight breathing and rapid heartbeat. They all blended together into one flurry of noise that almost made the quiet vanish.

Almost.

Yamato concentrated on the wall and finishing his food. Was that a spot? Right there, in the upper right hand corner near the ceiling? The turkey was a little raw in the middle. He'd have to remember to cook it a few minutes longer next time. At least the potatoes had turned out okay. And the carrots. They were good, too. He wondered what Tai would think abou—

The stuffing was all right, but Yamato had never really enjoyed stuffing. Was that really a spot? Maybe his mind was just playing tricks on him again. That was probably it. His mind was just playing tricks on him, and he would ignore it until it stopped.

He ignored everything for a while, and then he realized his food was cold. He ate what he could. After, he cleaned up and put the leftovers away. He did the dishes and put them away, too. Trying to get to sleep was more trouble than it was worth, so he decided he would stay up and write.

After a while, he realized he hadn't written anything that he would ever be able to use, so he crumpled the pages up and threw them in the trash. At least, that was his intention, but his aim was off and they landed in the corner of his room instead. He would have been annoyed, except that the only thing he could feel was exhaustion.

So he laid down on his bed and closed his eyes.

§§§§§§§§§§

Yamato knew he had fallen asleep when he woke up. The sharp light of day hit Yamato hard, causing him to wince and raise his hand up to cover his eyes.

Tai.

It all came back to him in a rush. The dinner, the fake phone call, the walk home, and their fight. If you could call it a fight. It was something in between a fight and a misunderstanding. Except that Tai had understood everything correctly. Which was the entire problem to begin with. If he would have stayed clueless, they wouldn't be in this situation now.

Although, no matter much he might want to, Yamato knew that he couldn't really blame Tai. Tai was, after all, only acting like anyone would. Tai had enough reason to suspect that Yamato was lying to him. In fact, even though Tai had asked him several times to just tell him the truth, Yamato still refused to do so. He was deliberately going against what Tai wanted. People had the right to be ticked off when their best friend was refusing to tell them the truth.

It wasn't even as if Yamato had anything to gain by lying to Tai. The only thing he was doing was causing a huge rift between them.

Of course, it would probably all blow over soon. Tai would forgive him, and they would continue on as normal. But Yamato knew that it wouldn't be the last time Tai would ask him for the truth. And, as much as he hated it, he knew there would be times when telling Tai what was actually going on would be impossible.

So it came down to one simple question. How many times would Tai be able to forgive him? Because Yamato knew there would come a point when Tai wouldn't want to deal with his shit anymore, and then he would leave. Just like everyone else in his life, Tai would up and walk away from him. He might be able to hold it off for longer if he told Tai the truth, but... well, he didn't want Tai to stay with him out of pity.

Yamato had never really thought about that for too long before, but this time the idea just wouldn't leave his head. At least now, Tai was with him because he wanted to be. No matter what else happened, Yamato was sure that up to this point, the brunette had been with him out of friendship. At least, after their original problems in the digiworld. No, the thing that mattered now was that they had overcome those issues and bonded together.

It was the only bond that he had. Yamato knew that. Tai, at least, had Kari and his parents and Sora and his team and the rest of the digi-destined. But Yamato had no one.

Well, that wasn't entirely accurate. He had Takeru, who he really only saw once a week. They were close, but Yamato knew that Takeru wouldn't be that badly affected if anything ever happened to his older brother. Sure, he'd be sad about it, but it wouldn't really impact him. Not that Yamato wanted it to, but he would have liked to be a bigger part of Takeru's life. That meant meaning something to each other, and _that_ meant being upset if something bad happened.

So maybe it was a good thing that Takeru and him weren't as close as he would have liked them to be. The important thing was Takeru, not him. If Takeru was unhappy because of something Yamato did, he wouldn't be able to handle the guilt. It would overpower him. So, maybe it _was_ better that they maintained a distance from each other.

In fact, it would be better if Yamato maintained a distance from everyone. It wouldn't be too hard with his mother. After all, she could barely stand him. And his father was always away. Even when they were both together, Yamato didn't feel a real connection to the man. He appreciated everything his father did for him, but...

It didn't matter. It really didn't. The only person who really ever talked to him and cared about him was Tai. And so what? The only thing that meant was that he had to be careful with Tai. He had to make sure that he didn't screw up their relationship.

Which he was doing by lying. But if he didn't lie, Tai would pity him, and that would change their relationship, and—

Yamato scowled and let his hand fall back to his pillow. He had told himself that he wasn't going to think in circles again, and he wasn't. He really wasn't.

What he needed to think about, more than anything else, was how to fix what he had done. Tai would forgive him. Probably. Maybe. Probably. But he had to know where to go from there. If he didn't want to tell Tai what was happening with him, and he didn't want to lie to him either, that left Yamato with only one option. Learning how to tell the truth—creatively.

It shouldn't be too hard. If he only changed one or two things here or there, it wasn't really lying. It was more like telling a truth that he would feel comfortable with. Omitting a few minor details shouldn't be too hard, either. He only had to know when he was outright lying, and when he was telling a truth that would allow Tai to stay with him.

He would do anything if Tai would stay with him. For as long as possible. Being alone again would be horrible. He couldn't even think about it. It would just be bad. And it wasn't going to happen.

He would focus on telling Tai as much of the truth as he possibly could, and then he would hope that Tai wanted to stay around him. If all of this hadn't driven Tai away already. But no. Tai was a nice guy. He would understand and forgive, or at the very least pretend to understand and try to forgive.

At this point, Yamato was willing to accept anything he was going get from Tai. He would sit through a lecture, through long stares and careful prodding and invasive questions, just as long as it got things back to normal in the end.

The small part of his mind that would never shut up when he really needed it to told him that he didn't really want things to go back to the way they were. What he wanted, what he desperately hoped for, was that Tai would just hold onto him and let him know that he wasn't leaving. Ever. To tell him that they both felt the exact same way, and then to prove it. That's what Yamato wanted, and his stupid mind wouldn't let him forget.

Not even for a minute.

Not even when he really wanted to.

Images of Tai came into his head in rapid succession. Tai grinning, one hand scratching the back of his head and the other hand dangling at his side. Tai writing notes in class, head bent over the desk, eyes squinting in concentration, hand moving so fast it seemed to twitch. Tai sitting on a couch, legs crossed and feet dangling and arms spread out behind him and eyes glued to the screen except when they moved to meet his own. Tai lying on the floor, arms and legs spread out, eyes closed, mouth open, chest moving rhythmically up and down, up and down. Tai holding his hand, fingers light and strong and sure and nervous, mouth curved in a small smile, eyes soft and shining.

Yamato swallowed thickly. It just wasn't fair. Tai was never going to be interested in him in _that way_. Not in the way that mattered. The best he could hope for was friendship. He knew that. He _knew_ that.

Damn his stupid, _stupid_ mind.

Yamato rolled over and looked at the clock. It was almost noon. He still had to get dressed and shower before he did anything else. Not that there was anything else to do, exactly. But still.

So he got up and showered and dressed and ate a late breakfast. It was sometime during all of his morning activities that Yamato figured out what he would do. There was only one thing he _could_ do, so after careful consideration he decided he would just go ahead and do it. He'd call Tai and see if they were still almost-fighting. If they were, then he would apologize and try to placate Tai. If they weren't, well then, everything would be fine. Either way, he knew that he really didn't want to have a repeat of yesterday. He didn't really remember a lot of what had happened, but there was an odd clenching feeling in his stomach every time he tried to think about it, so he stopped. It wasn't that important anyway.

They hadn't spoken at all yesterday, and it had been a long time since a whole day had passed by without one of them contacting the other. He didn't like it. He couldn't even remember the last time it had happened.

It was his fault that things had ended up this way, and therefore it was also his job to call Tai first. So he picked up the phone and dialed Tai's number, listening to the ringing with a mixture of nervousness and dread. Either Tai would forgive him or he wouldn't. He just had to know one way or the other.

"Hello?" It was Hikari. Yamato felt a little calmer, knowing he didn't have to explain himself right away. At least he had another minute to figure out what he would say.

"Hey, Kari. It's me."

She was silent for a moment. "Hey, Matt."

"Can I talk to Tai?"

"Matt…" Kari trailed off, and Yamato rapidly grew alarmed. "I'm not sure that's such a good idea right now…"

"Oh. Uh, okay," Yamato said, swallowing. "Sure, yeah, all right, that's fine, I'll just, uh, go then. And, uh… yeah."

"No, Matt, wait!" Kari said quickly. "I just meant that he's kind of upset right now, and I'm not sure he wants to talk to you."

"Oh."

"Or anyone."

"Oh."

"Well, hold on. I'll go ask him."

Yamato bit his lower lip and waited. He had known it wasn't a good idea to call Tai. Why had he convinced himself otherwise? Now he was stuck. Tai was going to answer the phone and he was going to have to explain himself, and Tai wouldn't like his explanation, and then he was going to be in even more trouble than he was in now!

"Matt?"

Yamato blinked when Hikari's voice came back on.

"Yeah?"

"Sorry, but he can't talk right now. Can I take a message?"

Yamato stared at the wall in shock. Tai couldn't talk right now? Tai _always_ stopped whatever he was doing when Yamato called.

His throat closed up as he realized what Hikari was actually saying. Tai didn't want to talk to him. That's why he wouldn't get on the phone. She had said that he was in a bad mood, after all. It would have been thing if Tai hadn't been at his house, but he was there. And he didn't want to talk to Yamato.

"All right," he said, voice even. "Tell him…"

Tell him what? That he was sorry? That he was an idiot and he knew it? That he didn't want some stupid argument to ruin their friendship? That he didn't even understand why the whole thing was being blown so much out of proportion?

"Matt?" Kari asked. "You still there?"

"Just tell him I called."

Yamato hung up before Hikari could reply.

§§§§§§§§§§

Sunday came too quickly. Friday passed without incident, except for constantly checking the phone every few minutes. Panic set in, right alongside terror, and both had Yamato thinking that he was going to lose Tai forever. He had known it, he really had. It was just unexpected. He hadn't expected them to stop being friends over something so trivial.

Although, it wasn't really trivial. Tai had every right to be pissed off at him. Every right. The thought left him fairly numb, though, and he realized if he thought too much about it he would go crazy. So he stopped thinking about it and focused instead on cleaning.

By Saturday, though, Yamato had realized that he wasn't going to be able to sit around and clean while he waited for Tai to call him all day long. So he spent the day getting lost in his music, writing and re-writing lyrics and notes. Which meant that he only looked at the phone half as much as he had on Friday. Which was a good start.

Everything he wrote, though, was a total mess. He knew none of it would be useable in any way. He was too upset to even think clearly. He ended up going to bed early, and then not sleeping, and then re-opening the wounds on his hand once again. Everything else had healed except for those, and if he wasn't careful he was going to leave a scar. Or, even worse, make it harder to play the guitar. But, even with worry about the consequences eating away at him, in some way, the sight of a small amount of blood soothed him. He was still alive, he was still here, he would be here even after all of this was over. He just needed to wait it all out.

But then it was Sunday, and still no call from Tai. He had done his best not to think too much into it. Of course that failed completely. There were several explanations in his head, each one more horrible than the last.

Possibly Tai was so angry with him that he never wanted to speak to him again. That was one option. He didn't really like to think about it, but it could be the case. If that happened, then all Yamato could do was avoid him in school and act as if he was the one who had thought up the idea, not Tai. Even though the thought of avoiding Tai in school left him feeling numb inside, he thought he could live with it.

He had, after all, thought that it would be happening for a while. He knew it would happen. It was supposed to happen sometime later, but, well, sometimes a person had to adjust to unexpected circumstances. And this definitely fell into that category. Maybe he would be able to talk to Tai, to make things okay again. Even if he did, though, he knew he would just have to go through this all over again when Tai did leave him for real, forever, for the rest of their lives. The last thing he wanted was to have to go through this constant anxiety and depression and worry again. So maybe it was a good thing to just get it all out of the way now. He was still only fourteen. He had the rest of his life in front of him. If he got this done with quickly, he could still do other things. Like work on his music.

Then that voice informed him that he'd give up his music to be with Tai in an instant. So he thought about the next possibility. Tai was so angry with him that not only was he going to stop being friends with Yamato, but Tai was going to let all of their other friends know that Yamato was a liar and not worth their time. It wasn't like Tai to do something so cruel, but then again, it wasn't anything more than Yamato deserved. It was his own fault, really, that everything had turned out this way. He would end up alone, just like he had known he would from the very beginning. It was bound to happen, and there wasn't anything he could do to stop it.

The scenarios only got worse from there on. Maybe Tai would find out why Yamato had been lying, and then he would tell everyone, and they would all pity him and stay with him only out of some type of fucked up obligation. That would be really great. Really. To have everyone he knew look at him with pity and disgust and shame. He couldn't even stand the thought of it.

Or else Tai would tell Takeru all about what had happened, and then both of them would never talk to him again. Then the only person he would really have left would be his father. Unless Takeru called their father up and told him.

Then he would have no one.

There had to be another option. There just had to. Anything would be better then what was running through his mind. Yamato didn't care if it meant that he would have to beg Tai to forgive him. He would do it. He would beg. He would crawl and plead and do whatever the hell else Tai wanted him to do. He just…

He just needed Tai. That was it. He couldn't do anything about it. This wasn't the end—it couldn't be. They were still friends, and that meant something. So he would go and prostrate himself and hope to God that Tai would be willing to listen.

Yamato left his apartment feeling nervous and edgy. He had only walked to Tai's house alone a few times before, and it had never been under such circumstances. He had never experienced this sort of heart-pounding, gut-wrenching dread that accompanied him with every step.

The worst would be if Tai turned him away without a word. Anything else, even another fight, would be better than that.

Yamato walked a little faster. The sooner he got there, the sooner he could be done with all of this crap. It shouldn't have even happened! What was Tai doing standing there spying on him anyway? If only he had stayed in the stupid kitchen. If only there had been more stupid dishes to wash.

But it wasn't Tai's fault, and although it felt nice to fume at him for being an idiot, Yamato knew that he was doing the right thing. He would apologize, he would grovel, whatever. But Tai would talk to him again. And that was really all there was to it.

He rang Tai's doorbell as soon as he arrived, anxious to have everything over and done with. The door opened in just under a minute, and Hikari poked her head out.

She looked up and smiled at him. "Hey, Matt. I didn't know you were coming over today."

Yamato shrugged. "Yeah, well, I need to talk to Tai. Is he here?"

Kari shrugged. "Let me go check. Hold on a minute, would you?"

Yamato nodded. "Sure." He waited while she went to go "check" to see if Tai was there. It seemed more like she was checking to see if Tai wanted to talk to him, but still… he would wait. And force his way in if he had to. Kari was small. He could take her.

She came back to the door and opened it wider. "He's in his room. He said to just go on in."

"Thanks," he said, walking inside quickly. He didn't even stop to take off his coat and shoes. He just marched straight to Tai's room and opened the door before he could think of all the reasons he should turn around and leave.

Tai was sitting on his bed, homework spread out around him. He didn't look up when Yamato walked in, instead concentrating even harder on whatever it was he was doing. Yamato closed the door and leaned against it, taking a moment to stare at Tai.

He hadn't seen him in two days. Of course Tai looked the same, it wasn't as if years had passed, but still. It was nice to be allowed to just look at him again. His hair was still a mess, as usual. His shirt and pants were rumpled, probably from laying around in bed all day. Yamato could picture him laying there trying to figure out some math problem, pencil in one hand and a confused expression on his face.

"Well?"

Tai's voice made Yamato look up, but the other boy was still sitting on his bed, not looking at him.

"Tai…" Yamato swallowed and took a few steps closer to him.

"Did you have something to say or not?" His voice was so cold, almost monotone. Tai's voice never sounded like that. It made Yamato's heart tight.

"I'm sorry," he said, quietly. Tai didn't look up. Yamato didn't know if that was a good or a bad thing. "I'm really… Tai. I'm sorry."

"You…" Tai trailed off, and Yamato stood there, unsure of what he should do. "You can't just _do_ that."

"Do what?" he asked, voice still quiet.

"Come in here and apologize and think that's going to make everything better!" Tai finally looked up, looked directly at him, and Yamato flinched at the anger and hurt in his eyes. "It's _not_ , Matt. It's just not."

Yamato moved a little further away from Tai. If this was it, he wanted to be close to the door after it was all over. "I don't know what else to—"

"That's just it, Matt!" Tai exclaimed, interrupting him. "Don't you get it? That's just it! You _always_ don't know what to do! You're _always_ going back and forth and back and forth as if you don't trust me! As if you _can't_ trust me."

Yamato swallowed. "I'm sorry. I—"

"No, I don't want your fucking apology," Tai said, quiet but forceful. "I want you to just be honest with me. I'm sick and tired of you telling me all the time that we're friends and then trying to keep me out of the most important parts of your life!"

"I-I'm sorry. I'll try to—"

"What did I just say, Matt? What did I just fucking _say_? You don't even _listen_ to me anymore! All you ever do is try and work your way around any problems you've got, or anything bad that happens, without ever even trying to understand the other person's point of view! You never try to understand how I might be feeling. It's always about _you_ , isn't it?"

Yamato backed up until he was against the wall, one hand on the doorknob. "I-I don't mean to. I'm sorry, I'm trying to—"

"You're not _trying_ to do anything, Matt! All you ever do is lie to me. You lie and you don't tell me anything that's going on with you and I'm supposed to be your best friend, Matt. Your _best friend_. How am I supposed to be able to trust you if you won't trust me? How can we even be friends if you're hiding everything that's really important from me?"

Yamato's fists were clenched together and his jaw hurt from clenching it so hard. He tried not to blink. There was a weird itchy feeling just underneath his eyelids, and he knew that if he blinked he might tear up. So he didn't blink.

"I just want you to let me be your friend!" Tai shouted, standing up in one swift motion. "Why can't you just let me in? Why does _everyone_ have to be your enemy?"

"That's not it," Yamato said, but he wasn't sure if any sound came out. His throat felt all thick and closed up. He swallowed quickly. "That's not it."

"Then what is it, Matt?" Tai asked, still staring at him. "Just tell me. Please. Just tell me."

"I-I can't, Tai." Yamato had to blink, so he did. Almost immediately he tasted salt on his tongue and he turned his head to the side quickly, hoping that Tai hadn't seen. "I'm sorry. I just can't."

"Why?" The one word was so full of emotion that Yamato had to fight the instinct to look up. He kept his gaze focused on the floor. "What are you afraid of?" Tai moved a little closer and Yamato's hand tightened on the doorknob. "That I'll hate you? That I'll laugh? That I'll leave? What is it? What could be so bad that you'd do all this?"

A long silence made Yamato realize that Tai was waiting for an answer. Well, he knew what the answer was. Yes, he wanted to say. Yes, that's what I'm afraid of. That you'll hate me. That you'll laugh. That you'll leave. All of those things. Yes.

But he was also afraid of admitting that, any of it, to Tai. Because right after that would come how he really felt, and then Tai _would_ hate him and laugh and leave. So fear kept him silent, kept his secrets safe for another day.

"So that's how it is," Tai said quietly. "You're really afraid of me."

"No," Yamato said, looking at Tai quickly. "I'm not. I'm not afraid of you."

Tai was silent for a heartbeat and then he took a cautious step forward. "Yama." His voice was almost a whisper, and it made Yamato shudder. "You're crying."

Yamato quickly turned the doorknob and opened the door. He ran out of the room without another word, ran past Hikari who watched him go with confusion written all over her face, ran right out of the house and down the street and kept running until he couldn't see Tai's face anymore, until he couldn't hear those words and the horrible guilt-laced pity that came with them.

~*~*~*~*~*~


	8. Cautious

The sky was filled with heavy storm clouds, all threatening to burst at any moment. Yamato had a perfect view of it all and wondered when they would finally give in and explode, drenching everything in sight. He was laying on his back in the middle of a park, hands fisted in the partially-frozen, dead grass on either side of him. Everything that had led him here was still fresh in his mind, replaying over and over again without his consent. Tai's voice, the shocked look on his face, the constant accusations shouted at him—it was impossible to sort any of it out.

All he knew for sure was that Tai had finally said what he was feeling. After holding it all in for Yamato's sake, he had finally just let everything that had been on his mind come crashing down on top of Yamato. In one way, Yamato was happy. It meant that Tai really had been thinking about their relationship, which meant that he cared. Even if it wasn't in the same way that Yamato cared, it was still better than nothing.

Unfortunately, that small amount of happiness was inconsequential when compared with the sheer level of frustration and sadness and guilt that came along with it. His emotions were so mixed up he couldn't make any sense out of them at all. They were a weight on his chest that he could never really escape from. Every time he breathed they only pressed down harder, crushing against his ribs and forcing all of the oxygen out of his lungs. He was constantly gasping for air, struggling to find some way to simply inhale, and everyone was passing him by without a second glance. They didn't understand what he was feeling.

They couldn't understand. No one could. Tai would never understand why Yamato didn't just confess when he was confronted. He had said that Yamato was always lying to him, that he never trusted him with anything important, that he didn't understand where other people were coming from, that he was afraid of him. Yamato wasn't afraid of Tai. He just didn't know how to tell the brunette that.

Everything wasn't as simple as Tai made it out to be. It couldn't be that simple, thanks to Yamato and his stupid crush. If he had only thought of Tai as a normal friend, then maybe he could solve some of their problems. But as it was… well, he wasn't going to take any action that revealed how he really felt. Even if he told Tai an edited version of the truth, it still wouldn't matter. Tai would find out that he had been lying eventually. And then he would be screwed. Again.

Right after that thought, Yamato felt the first small raindrop hit his cheek. He concentrated on it, on the way it fell down to the ground slowly, leaving a cold trail behind. More and more drops fell on Yamato as the rain began to come down harder and harder, but he made no move to get up. He just let them wash over him, focusing on that feeling of being completely covered with an unstoppable force.

He knew he wasn't being fair to Tai. He didn't need Tai to tell him that. What Yamato needed from Tai was something the other boy would never give him. All Tai had ever offered him was friendship.

Now, though, it seemed as if Tai wasn't even offering him that much anymore. The only thing Yamato was sure of was that Tai wasn't willing to let their friendship continue as it had been going. Tai wanted total honesty; he wanted access to Yamato's life that no one had ever been given before.

Yamato couldn't give him that. No matter what, Tai could never find out certain things about Yamato's life. Besides the obvious stupid crush that Yamato was sure would pass if he only gave it enough time, he didn't want Tai finding out just how alone he really was. Tai couldn't know just how little time he spent with his father and with Takeru. Tai couldn't find out about Yamato's recent excursions in accidentally injuring himself, either. He had an awful feeling that Tai would take it the complete wrong way. Not that he was sure what way Tai was supposed to take it, but he knew he didn't want to have to deal with the consequences.

That was really the whole problem. Everything boiled down to one simple fact. Yamato just didn't want to have to deal with the aftermath of Tai becoming closer to him. If Tai discovered all the things that Yamato really didn't want him knowing, they'd almost certainly become closer.

And then what? Yamato swallowed thickly. Did he really think Tai could ever care about him? They were best friends, and he'd do well to remember it. They would never be anything more, and so Yamato would always have to keep Tai at a distance. It made perfect sense to him, but how to explain it to Tai? He couldn't very well just come out and tell Tai that he had a crush on him.

No, Yamato thought as a shudder ran through him. That was probably the worst thing that could happen. He would just have to think of some way to get Tai to forgive him.

Except that Tai was totally right in being upset. Yamato _was_ being an asshole to him. He _was_ keeping him at a distance. But that was the only way to keep Tai close to him. Yamato didn't know of any other way for them to remain friends. It was either this careful balance or nothing.

Then Yamato felt a prickling all across his skin—a tingling sensation that made him turn his head to the side in one swift motion. Tai was standing there, and Yamato couldn't find it in himself to be surprised. He was breathing heavily, slightly bent over with his hands on his knees. His hair was plastered to his head, short brown strands sticking to either side of his face. Yamato had only one thought in that moment.

Tai had been looking for him. He had been running around, trying to find him, and hadn't stopped even when it started to rain. It seemed too dramatic, somehow, like something out of a cheesy romance novel. Maybe he should expect Tai to profess his undying love for him.

The thought was less humorous the more he thought about it, and Yamato ended up with that awful clenched feeling in his chest again. It really wasn't something he could joke about yet. Maybe in a few years, when he moved on from this awful crush, but for right now the only way to deal with it was to pretend it didn't exist.

Only that didn't matter so much right now because Tai was standing up. He walked towards Yamato slowly. So slowly, in fact, that Yamato felt like a wild animal who had escaped. He swallowed and pushed himself into a sitting position. Even if he wasn't feeling well enough to stand yet, he didn't want Tai to see him in such a pathetic state.

"Yama."

Tai's voice was closer than it should have been. Yamato looked over and found Tai kneeling next to him, looking at him with concern. Yamato couldn't recall when Tai had gotten that close, and he shivered suddenly. It was a quick spasm, hardly noticeable, but Tai swallowed and moved a little closer.

"What are you doing?" Tai's voice was so quiet Yamato could barely hear it. Then he cleared his throat and spoke a little louder. "You're soaking wet."

Yamato averted his eyes, resorting to staring at the ground again. He felt like he was always staring at the ground when he was with Tai. There was no way he could look into Tai's eyes sometimes, though. Emotions poured out of them too fast for Yamato to process, and it left him confused and irritated. It was better to stare at the ground and not get lost in that chaotic mix of unknown feelings.

There was weight and warmth over his shoulders, and Yamato lifted his hand to feel the edge of Tai's jacket. He clenched his hand around the material, gripping the worn, wet fabric tightly.

Tai moved even closer and reached an arm around Yamato's shoulders. His chest tightened even further and it was almost impossible to breathe. Then Tai's hand clenched and he pulled Yamato up against his body, one arm around his shoulders and the other landing lightly on Yamato's thigh.

"Here." Tai's voice was so close it was a rumble in Yamato's ear. He could feel the vibrations against his temple, where his head rested against Tai's neck. Yamato shivered again. Tai swallowed and Yamato's head moved slightly from the movement. "Just… let me…"

Yamato closed his eyes and leaned against Tai. The arm around his shoulders tightened a little. Everything in that moment was right for Yamato. The small voice in his head that screamed at him constantly to just tell him already was quiet. All the normal worries and fears that circled around in a never-ending cycle were suddenly gone. Even the rain melted away, leaving Yamato feeling simply content.

"You know I…" Tai spoke into the silence, words punctuated by the constant sound of rain crashing against the ground. "I don't know what to do. It's like, every time I do something, no matter what, it's always the wrong thing. I just…" Tai swallowed again and leaned his head down a little, pressing his lips gently against the top of Yamato's head.

"I'm sorry." The words were muffled by Yamato's hair. Tai lifted his head up and cleared his throat again. "I don't know what to do anymore. I'm sorry."

"Tai…" Yamato reached out, grabbing onto Tai's arm and squeezing. "It's not…"

Yamato struggled to think of what to say. Everything was too inconsequential, too insignificant. He wasn't sure he knew the words that meant what he wanted to say. So he remained silent, unsure how to proceed. The pressure of Tai so close to him brought him some measure of comfort, though, and that at least was enough to make him feel at ease.

"I… You shouldn't be out here," Tai said suddenly. "You're freezing. Here, come on." Tai leaned slightly away from Yamato, taking his arm away as he did so. Yamato squeezed his eyes shut tightly. "Look, we can talk about this inside, can't we?" There was silence for almost a minute before Tai stood up and took a few steps away from him. "Fine." The tone of his voice made Yamato look up. Tai was looking away, off to the side somewhere, and Yamato couldn't see his face clearly. "If you really don't want me to be around, that's fine." Tai's voice broke and he cleared his throat quickly. "I'll go. But at least get yourself somewhere warm." He turned away and scuffed his shoe on the ground. "I don't want you getting sick. So just-"

"No," Yamato whispered. Tai stopped speaking, though, so Yamato knew he had heard. "It's not that, Tai. I just don't… I mean, I can't…"

"Matt," Tai said, softly. Yamato stopped trying to figure out what to say. Tai was holding his hand out, palm up. He opened his mouth to say something else but visibly hesitated, deciding in the end to remain silent. Yamato wondered what he would have said, but in the end it didn't matter.

Yamato stood up, slowly pushing himself up off of the wet grass. Tai's jacket fell heavily on him, and he realized with regret that Tai was now standing there shivering. Yamato moved closer to him and began to shrug the jacket off his shoulders.

"No, you keep it on," Tai said. "I'm not really that cold anyway."

Yamato nodded and settled it on his shoulders again, silently thanking Tai for the excuse to keep his jacket on a little bit longer. He walked over to where Tai was standing and put his hand over the other boy's. Tai immediately tightened his grip and shifted his hand until their fingers were entwined.

"Let's go," Tai said. Yamato nodded. They began walking side by side, heading towards Yamato's apartment, hands still connected.

§§§§§§§§§§

Yamato stared at his door with a mixture of relief and regret. He wanted to spend more time with Tai, but he felt like he wasn't himself. Maybe a few hours alone would do him some good, would give him the time he needed to process everything and feel normal again.

"So, uh, here we are…"

Tai's voice startled Yamato out of anything else he might have been concerned about—just for one instant. Then everything came rushing back, and Yamato blinked in confusion. He wanted Tai to be comfortable, but he still wasn't exactly sure what that fight had been about, and even when he thought he had it all figured out, another possibility seemed to come up out of nowhere. Possibility after possibility flooded through his mind, and in the end the only thing Yamato could think was that he obviously had no idea what was going on. Tai didn't like him in that way, and everything else at this point just seemed unimportant.

But he had come so close to losing Tai… it had been so close. Yamato could still feel a sharp echo of fear running through his veins at the thought. Everything might be unimportant, everything but this, and all Yamato knew was that he had to figure out what he was going to do. He couldn't lose Tai, but he couldn't stay close to Tai either. This constant attention from Tai only made everything worse, but at the same time it was the only thing keeping him going.

"Ah," Yamato said, and it really was such a non-statement that he couldn't blame Tai for shuffling nervously foot to foot. He knew this couldn't be easy on Tai, almost losing his best friend for reasons he had absolutely no way of understanding. But still, the very idea of being close to Tai now, of inviting him in and trying to make up by watching a movie or listening to music or doing some other mundane activity that wasn't at all what Yamato wanted to do… it was just too much.

"So, uh, I guess I'll just… um, go," Tai said, and it was almost a question but not quite.

Yamato's shoulders relaxed slightly; he hadn't even known they'd been tense. Tai swallowed and turned around, not waiting for anything before he started walking away.

Even as a slow, sick feeling crawled up Yamato's throat, he knew it was for the best. Tai couldn't stay, and if he couldn't stay then he would have to leave, and that was so obvious that it seemed counter-productive and just plain ridiculous to ask him to stay a little longer.

What would they even do, anyway? Stand outside his fucking apartment door and make small talk? Stare at each other and wonder what to say next? No, that was stupid; he was being stupid and he had to stop it. They would see each other tomorrow, for God's sake. It wasn't as if a whole night would destroy what they had only so recently repaired.

Yamato thunked his head against his apartment door and sighed. It was better for both of them. Tai wouldn't want what Yamato wanted to offer, and Yamato didn't know how to do anything other than offer. Offer what, he wasn't entirely sure. He had imagined pressing his mouth over Tai's—sometimes softly, sometimes with so much force that they had ended up falling over into a tangled pile of limbs and laughter—but everything else beyond that point seemed vague and nebulous. He had an idea of how two bodies fit together, drawn mostly from his dreams and snatches of conversation picked up here and there, and he knew he wanted to try something like that with Tai, but the mechanics of the entire situation completely eluded him. Some of what he had heard around his school had actually quite frightened him, and the idea of letting another person's tongue enter his mouth was just plain gross. If having someone else's tongue enter him was gross, then he couldn't even begin to imagine what anything else would feel like. He knew he wasn't ready to do anything serious yet, but he knew he was ready for something, and even if it was only holding hands, at least it would be better than this nothing that he dealt with every day. And he knew, he _knew_ that Tai didn't want him like that, but even if he did…

Fuck it, even if he did, how the hell was Yamato meant to tell him what he wanted when he didn't even know himself?

The key clicked the lock open, and Yamato closed the door behind him with an almost-silent thunk. The empty apartment reminded him sharply of the other reason why Tai couldn't stay. For right now, all Tai had was the knowledge that Yamato was lying about something, but he had no idea just how many lies Yamato had been telling him. The fact that his father had missed Thanksgiving was just one in a whole series of lies, and it really was for the best that Tai had left, after all.

Yamato shrugged his jacket off with a dejected air and reached up to hang it on the coat hanger when he gave a start. Rolling his eyes, Yamato retracted his hand and opened the door again, checking briefly to make sure he had his key before shutting it and running through the hallway, down the steps, and out onto the street, pausing only briefly to curse the rain. He spotted Tai not too far down the road, walking slower than he should have been in this weather.

"Tai!" Yamato called out as he ran just that extra bit faster. Tai didn't even stop, and either the rain was loud enough to drown out his voice or he just hadn't been loud enough, but either way meant the same thing. Yamato narrowed his eyes—it was so like Tai to be annoying and not hear him when Yamato was running after him in the fucking rain.

"Tai!" Yamato yelled again, and this time Tai turned and blinked at him, a somewhat confused expression on his face. Yamato twisted his foot a little bit to stop running directly into him, but the ground was slippery and he had the worst luck on the planet ever, somewhere some god was having a really good laugh at his expense, he was sure of it. He crashed into Tai practically head first, but luckily Tai had taken the sudden weight and just moved back a step, otherwise standing perfectly still.

Yamato leaned on Tai just long enough to regain his balance before pushing off of him, and Tai still hadn't moved from his position, although so many emotions were flickering across his face that Yamato didn't even bother trying to figure them out.

"… Sorry," Yamato said, then quickly outstretched his arm, pushing Tai's jacket towards its rightful owner. "Here. You forgot this."

Tai blinked and looked down at his jacket, then back up at Yamato. "You ran out into the rain to give me back my jacket?" His voice was strained and Yamato shifted uncomfortably.

"… Yeah, so?" seemed like the best and only response he could give, so he gave it and tried not to seem too uncomfortable, nervous, edgy.

Tai blinked again and reached out, taking his jacket from Yamato's hand, and Yamato noticed the lack of skin-to-skin contact more than he wanted to.

"Thanks," Tai said, and suddenly his mouth twisted and he frowned. "Matt…"

Yamato immediately stiffened and stepped back half a step. "What?"

"You're not wearing a jacket," Tai said, so exasperated that Yamato had to crack a smile. Tai scratched his head and let his hand drop. "You were at your own house, too, you can't even _say_ that you didn't have—" Tai cut himself off abruptly and scratched his head some more. Yamato's smile grew a little softer.

"See you tomorrow?"

It was the only offering he could make, and Yamato waited half a heartbeat in a state of certainty. There was no nervousness now, not after Tai had acted like that, and his smile really couldn't have gotten any softer when Tai looked up at him and grinned, but somehow it did anyway.

"Yeah. Tomorrow."

§§§§§§§§§§

Mondays were normally something to loathe, to despise far above and beyond any other day of the week simply because they signaled the end of the weekend, the only days that he could normally spend entirely with Tai, and the beginning of yet another week in which he'd be stuck living a life he really wasn't thrilled with. This time, though, _this_ Monday was different. The past weekend had sucked so much that it was almost funny, in that hysterical sort of way, and Yamato could only be grateful that it was over. As for the beginning of the week, well, even though his life hadn't really changed in any drastic way, Yamato knew that he had come close to losing Tai.

And that thought stopped him in the middle of the hallway, one hand on his open locker and the other pulling out his Biology textbook. The near-miss he had worried him more and more as time progressed. Tai had forgiven him for some reason that he suspected had a lot to do with guilt and not so much to do with actually understanding why Yamato couldn't be completely honest with him. Still, it was a new week and Tai was still his best friend, even though all evidence pointed to the fact that Tai should have dropped him after their fight. But for some reason Tai was willing to stay friends with him, and the only thing Yamato could do was hope that he wouldn't screw it all up again.

Yamato shook his head quickly and threw the damned Biology text into his backpack. He grabbed his Algebra book and threw that in too, double-checking to make sure he had the notebooks he needed and his homework before shutting his locker and spinning the dial quickly.

Koushiro was standing there and Yamato jumped slightly backwards, almost banging his head on his locker out of sheer shock.

"Fuck it, Koushiro, just _say something_ when you're standing there," Yamato said, pulling his backpack on and rolling his eyes.

Koushiro looked slightly abashed and said, "I apologize, I didn't intend to frighten you."

"You didn't _frighten_ me," Yamato protested, and then sighed. "Whatever, let's just go."

"All right," Koushiro said. "I can't wait for today's lecture to start. I heard we're going to be starting a new unit on marine animals. It's all very exciting."

Yamato walked past Koushiro, stalking towards their classroom with a scowl. "Is it?"

§§§§§§§§§§

It was impossible not to pause outside his classroom. Yamato's feet had made the decision for him, and it seemed that they were not going to listen to him no matter what he did, which was quite ridiculous because it wasn't as if he and Tai had parted on bad terms. It wasn't as if he really had anything to worry about when he next saw Tai.

Yamato walked into his classroom and immediately noticed Tai sitting as his desk just like he always did. This was going to be fine, this was going to be normal, and there really wasn't anything to freak out about. Yamato walked over to his own desk and dropped his backpack onto it, completely prepared to act normally to Tai no matter what he said.

"Hey, Matt."

It was so normal; it was so easy for Yamato to respond.

"Hey."

"How was bio?" Yamato gave Tai a look and he grinned. "Just asking."

"It sucked. Just like it always sucks."

"Well, you're here now. Away from the evil biology."

"Thank God."

Then class started and, as far as Yamato was concerned, things were all right.

§§§§§§§§§§

"So Matt," Tai started, as soon as Algebra was over. "When are you going shopping?"

Yamato kept on putting his things away but raised an eyebrow at Tai. "Shopping?"

Tai blinked at him and then said, "Oh. You already got it."

Yamato shrugged his backpack on and waited for Tai to finish shoving his textbook into his bag. "I already got what?"

Tai pulled his backpack over his shoulder and strode out of the classroom, Yamato right beside him. "Uh… T.K.'s birthday present?" Tai's voice seemed to scream "duh" at him, but all Yamato could do was blink.

"What day is it?" he asked, and the urgency in his voice was enough to make Tai pause before he answered.

"Monday."

"No, you stupid… I meant the number, the date," Yamato said, and he swallowed nervously.

"It's only the second, Matt," Tai replied. "Relax, you've still got…"

Yamato's stomach slowly rolled over, and his lips thinned. A pressure that was almost too much to stand was slowly crushing his insides, and he swallowed thickly.

"… Three days," Tai finished. His eyebrows lowered a bit and he gave a small smile. "Relax, Matt, no need to stress."

"I…" Yamato couldn't think straight; he could barely put one foot in front of the other.

Tai's eyebrows drew together and the smile dropped off his face. "Matt?"

"… I need to go to class," Yamato said, and he walked away, leaving Tai to stare after him and wonder what had just happened.

§§§§§§§§§§

Yamato got through third period somehow and ended up dropping into his desk and putting his head into his hands during his fourth period study hall. Even his music class just before hadn't been enough to cheer him up, and he usually looked forward to that class as one of his only sources of learning how to improve his musical ability. Today, though, all of that had been shoved aside in the wake of a much more pressing concern.

Yamato let his head fall onto his desk. He had forgotten Takeru's birthday. He had actually _forgotten_ his little brother's birthday. There were so few things he had to remember for Takeru, and this was one of them.

What present could he buy that would make up for this? There was nothing. Nothing. The only thing he could hope was that Takeru never found out.

Panic rose up in Yamato's chest and he clenched his eyes tightly shut. This was absolutely not happening. First he'd almost lost Tai, and now he was about to lose Takeru. He tried to calm himself, tried to breathe steadily, slowly, but in the end he could only gulp down a few shallow breaths and hope they were enough.

"Matt?"

Yamato's head snapped up. Tai wasn't in his fourth period class, and Yamato knew he wasn't hallucinating the brunet's voice. But when he saw Tai sitting down next to him, he realized they were in the cafeteria. His eyes drifted to the table. A tray of food was lying there. He didn't even remember leaving study hall.

"Are you all right?" Tai asked, cocking one eyebrow at Yamato. "You're not still upset about the present thing, are you?"

"No, I'm not—I mean, I'm all right, I'm not upset." The words stumbled out of his mouth, falling over one another in their haste to escape.

"Because you seem kind of out of it."

"Well, I'm not."

Tai frowned a little and scratched the side of his nose. "If you say so."

Yamato looked back down at his food and started eating. He had just made up with Tai; the last thing he needed now was for Tai to start interrogating him again. All he needed to do was to act normal.

But, his recent resolution was to be himself. He was still unclear on the details of just exactly what that meant. Maybe it included being honest about his feelings? Well, but he was being honest about his feelings. To himself. All that would happen if he told Tai would be that Tai would start worrying about him and trying to cheer him up. He didn't want to be cheered up. He had forgotten Takeru's birthday. He didn't deserve to feel better about it.

Still… what if being himself meant that he should just do what he wanted to regardless of what anyone else wanted? He had been trying to go along with everyone else, and that hadn't really worked out for him, so maybe he should just try a new tactic. Ignoring his own wishes hadn't led him anywhere at all.

But he knew that he had to ignore some things he wanted. He had to put some people's desires and needs above his own. So what if that meant that he couldn't do what he wanted to all of the time? Some things were just more important than getting what he wanted. Takeru and Tai were more important. Period.

But if he was almost-lying to Tai sometimes, about little things that didn't really matter, even if it was for Tai's own good, did that really mean he was being himself? Was it okay for him to almost-lie to make Tai feel better? Was it okay for him to almost-lie to keep Tai as his friend for longer? And was almost-lying to Tai okay at all, given their recent fight?

It was what he wanted to do, to keep Tai, but he didn't want to do it at the same time. He wanted Tai to just accept him for who he was, completely. But that was impossible. So, what did he do when he had two equally strong, conflicting desires? Which one did he go with? Which one would be more in tune with his resolution?

And, did his resolution really mean that he had to give up his old life entirely? He liked his old life. Or, at the very least, he was used to it. He had a schedule, a routine that he performed every day. At least now he knew what he was doing. If he suddenly decided to change the way he lived, what would happen? Which part of his life would change first? Or, would it be all at once without any time to get used to anything at all? Maybe it would be like a box of cards. He would have to upend his whole life, letting everything scatter to the floor. Then, he'd have to pick up one piece and put it away first before moving to the next one. If he fixed each small part of his life one at a time, maybe it wouldn't be too overwhelming.

But what needed to be fixed? There were good, valid reasons why things were the way they were. Takeru lived with his mother because of those reasons. His father was able to provide him with food, shelter, and clothing because of those reasons. Tai and him were best friends because of those reasons.

He wasn't able to put into thought just what exactly the reasons were, though. Of course, Takeru lived with his mother because of the arrangement their parents had made when they had divorced. His father was able to support Yamato financially because he was away all the time, working constantly. Tai and him were best friends because of their experiences together in the Digiworld and in the real world, and they stayed best friends because Yamato wasn't stupid and didn't try for anything more.

What could change? Was Yamato willing to force Takeru and his mother apart so that he could spend more time with his brother? No. Did he want to stop his father from making money so that he didn't have to be alone so much? No. Was he willing to confess to Tai and possibly—definitely—destroy their friendship? Hell no.

So where did that leave him? He made a vow to change, and he wasn't willing to change any of the most important things in his life. So what, should he start eating less ice cream or something? Was _that_ the only kind of change he was able to actually follow through with?

"Matt!"

Yamato glared up at Tai. "What?!"

Tai jerked back suddenly. "Uh… I was trying to get your attention."

"… And?"

"And… what?" Tai repeated, frowning.

Yamato rolled his eyes and looked pointedly at Tai. "What do you want? Why were you trying to get my attention?"

"Oh. Lunch is over," Tai said, gesturing to the rapidly-emptying cafeteria.

"Right."

Yamato stood up, slung his backpack on, and reached down to his tray. Tai cleared his throat and glanced meaningfully at Yamato.

"What?"

Tai pointed at the tray. "You didn't eat anything."

Yamato looked down briefly. He thought he had been eating, but the food on his tray looked basically untouched. He shrugged and picked up his tray.

"I wasn't hungry," he replied before dumping his meal into the garbage. Yamato walked out of the cafeteria before Tai could follow.

§§§§§§§§§§

The school wanted to give the art students a broad range of topics to cover, everything from sculpting to painting to drawing. It seemed like they thought that, when presented with an overkill of materials, a student might find at least one thing that piqued his or her interest. Today, the teacher handed out pieces of glass to each student, along with etching knives. Apparently, glass etching was some sort of fine art that no one ever really learned about, but their teacher wanted to change that.

Yamato stared at the small piece of square glass lying on the table in front of him. They had a pattern to follow that would make some sort of floral design on the glass. It was supposed to look elegant, but Yamato grimaced at the thought of spending an entire class period carving flowers into glass.

The etching knife was right next to the glass. It had a small, wooden handle with a sharp, silver blade. Yamato picked it up and held the tip to the glass, sliding the pattern closer to try and figure out where to begin. The pattern was incredibly intricate, and Yamato scowled as he realized they would probably be working on this for a few classes.

Laying the knife back down on the table, Yamato picked up the pattern and inspected it thoroughly. There were swirls in the leaves and stem that led up to a massive flower. The petals took up most of the design, and they each had various smaller patterns inside of them to make the whole thing look overly complicated. Plus, the only people Yamato could ever imagine appreciating these designs were elderly women who collected this sort of useless crap.

Still, completing this counted towards his grade. With that in mind, Yamato picked up the knife and began etching the end of the stem. He carved the stem from the end all the way up to where the first leaf began before it became hard to tell which lines connected where. At that point, Yamato grabbed the pattern and brought it almost right against his face, intent on seeing the lines as clearly as possible.

Once he was sure he had the next part memorized, Yamato put the pattern back down next to the glass. He held the knife right above the glass to begin etching again, but his right hand felt sort of strange. Yamato glanced at his hand in time to see a small drop of blood fall from his palm onto the clear glass.

He quickly turned his hand over, dropping the etching knife. On top of his older cuts that were almost healed, a small, fresh line of blood was forming. It was almost directly in the middle of his palm, and Yamato belatedly realized that he had forgotten to put down his knife was he had held the pattern up to his face to examine it.

It was such a stupid thing to do, really. Forgetting to put down the knife. The teacher had repeated herself at least four times to be careful, and still he was a klutz. Another drop of blood formed and the only thing Yamato thought was, how stupid.

He didn't want anyone making a fuss over this, so he picked up the knife, intending to go back to work. Once it was in his hand, though, he realized that the cut didn't even hurt. It hadn't hurt when he had done it, and it didn't hurt now either. Had it hurt before, when he had cut himself? Accidentally? He couldn't recall.

It was so easy to press the blade into his skin; it was over before he even thought about it. Then, afterwards, Yamato stared at the small cut, his mind completely blank, except for one small thought that quickly vanished.

How stupid.

§§§§§§§§§§

Yamato dropped his backpack in the locker room and began changing. His mind was blank. For once, all the thoughts that usually plagued him were just gone. There were no circular arguments, no reasoning and accusations, no second-guessing and constant worrying, no visions of the future or of every possible outcome of every possible situation, each worse than the last. There was just… nothing. His mind was clear.

It was good. Great, actually. He was happy. Without the worrying that forced Yamato into mind-numbing paranoia, he found that he worked quicker and more efficiently. At least, he had felt more connected to his art project than he normally did, and even walking down the halls he noticed more. People passing, talking to each other, signs posted on lockers, classroom doors opening and closing… he knew it all happened every day. He knew that nothing was different today than it normally was. Still, he felt connected, like he belonged here, or, perhaps more accurately, like he was actually alive.

Every day was the same thing. He would go through the motions just to get by. But today, for some reason, he felt different. New. Alive. It was as if purpose flooded through his body, but not for any particular reason. It was just that things were sharper, more in focus, now that his mind was clear.

Yamato heard Tai's footsteps and was amazed that he could distinguish between Tai's steps and everyone else's. He turned around as Tai rounded the corner, smiling.

"Hey, Tai. How was class?"

Tai stopped in the middle of the locker room and stared at Yamato. He opened his mouth, closed it, and peered closer at the blond.

Yamato's smile widened and he rolled his eyes. "What is it? Do I have something on my face or something?"

Tai took another step forward and dropped his backpack on the floor. "Uh… are you… okay?"

Yamato grinned. "Yeah, I feel great."

Tai gave a small half-smile, a puzzled look still crossing his face. "I don't know. You just seem kind of… not yourself."

Yamato shrugged. "I don't know. I feel fine."

"But… well, I mean, that's great," Tai said. He reached over to his locker and began changing, oblivious to Yamato's grin widening at the sudden show of skin. "It's just that you're smiling."

Yamato raised an eyebrow. "So what, I don't smile?"

"Well, I mean, no… well, sometimes… normally not." Tai shrugged his gym shirt on and waved his hand a bit. "Not that it's a bad thing—"

"Good, 'cause you're making it sound me smiling is a disaster," Yamato replied, still grinning at Tai's flustered behavior.

"No, it's good, I mean I like it," Tai said. He blushed a little and scratched the back of his neck. "You just don't smile all that often. And you're, you know…"

"What?" Yamato asked, feeling completely at ease with this conversation.

Tai looked away and whispered something.

"Sorry?"

" _Naked_ ," Tai hissed, going scarlet.

Yamato laughed and shook his head. "Tai. I'm not naked. I'm wearing pants."

"But you always change at, like, light-speed so no one sees you!" Tai drew on his gym pants and closed his locker, twirling the combination quickly.

"So I feel like going slower today. Is that a problem? Is there some reason you want me to have a shirt on?"

Yamato practically cackled with delight when Tai's face went even redder. "N-No reason," he stuttered. "But it's just weird, is all. I mean, I'm fine with it. Not that, you know, I _want_ to see you or anything. It's just, you know, I don't care. Either way, I mean."

Yamato nodded at Tai's explanation, silently congratulating himself on flirting somewhat successfully with Tai. He had never really tried before, but it seemed to be working. At the very least, it was amusing as all hell to watch Tai incoherently babble.

"Anyway, you're trying to distract me!" Tai accused, pointing at Yamato forcefully.

"Is it working?" Yamato asked, leisurely reaching inside his locker to pull out his gym shirt.

"Yes!" Tai shouted. "I mean, no! Argh, just stop it!" Yamato laughed as he finished getting changed. "You didn't even get mad when I asked you if you were feeling okay. You _always_ get mad when I ask you that!"

Yamato shrugged and closed his locker, spinning the dial with practiced ease. "Look, Tai, I'm just feeling good right now, all right?"

Tai titled his head slightly and said, "But you were so upset at lunch. I just don't get it."

"Can't you just be happy for me?" Yamato asked, the smile finally sliding off his face. He did feel good, but the more Tai talked the less he thought he could hold on to this state of not-thinking.

Tai immediately looked contrite. "I—of course. Of course I can. I am. I'm happy for you, Matt. I want you to be happy."

"You're always saying that."

"That's because I mean it."

There was a silence that felt thick. Yamato knew that, if he had been thinking like he usually did, he'd be overcome with contrasting ideas that would completely take over his mind right now. Normally, he would wait until Tai spoke next and hope that Tai would let him off easy. Now, though, Yamato felt calm. What he wanted to say was clear in his mind, and it was easy for him to say it.

"Well, I'm happy, Tai. So, be happy for me, okay?" Yamato walked past Tai towards the gymnasium, punching Tai lightly on the shoulder as he passed.

Just before he left the locker room, Yamato heard Tai's footsteps following his own. He smiled and walked into the gym, confident that he was starting to really keep his resolution.

§§§§§§§§§§

Tai was walking beside him, his footsteps moving just a moment out of synchronization with Yamato's own. They each carried their own backpacks, plus Yamato held a small bag with a video game inside. Shopping for Takeru had turned out to be quite easy, since Hikari had told Tai that Takeru had been moaning about how much he wanted this Playstation 2 game for months now. One stop at the local video game retailer later, Yamato had Takeru's birthday gift and was already heading home.

Overall, he felt quite good about the whole day. Sure, the beginning of the day had started off the same as usual, but by now he was really feeling relaxed. None of the stress and nervousness that normally accompanied him existed. Instead, Yamato felt comfortable.

He didn't have to think about anything, and he loved it. If this was what not thinking about things felt like, he knew he'd have to keep on feeling this way. There was just this enormous sense of relief that seemed to permeate him through his core. It was as if there had never been anything to worry about in the first place.

Even now, walking home with Tai, Yamato didn't feel the mixture of nervousness, tension, and dread that normally coursed through him. His body felt lighter. It seemed like he was even walking faster. Everything looked clearer, more defined—even the leaves on the trees they passed seemed to stand out more today than they ever had before.

This couldn't just be some trick. Something had changed inside him. He didn't know what it was, and he didn't really care. The only thing that mattered now was keeping this feeling alive for as long as possible.

"Are you okay?" Yamato asked, noticing that Tai was rather silent.

Tai grinned. "Normally it's me asking you that."

"Well, you're not running off at the mouth like usual—"

"Hey!"

"—so I figured something must be up," Yamato finished, ignoring Tai's protest.

Tai was quiet for another minute, during which Yamato noticed that the leaves were almost entirely off of the trees. It really was the beginning of December. When had that happened?

"I guess I'm just wondering what's up with you," Tai said, quietly.

"What do you mean?"

Tai shrugged. "I don't know. I'm happy you're happy, but…"

Yamato glanced over at Tai and repeated, "But?"

"You just seem different."

"And that's a bad thing?"

Tai shrugged again. "I don't know… I've seen you happy before, but not like this."

"So what, I'm the wrong kind of happy?" Yamato laughed at Tai's hurt expression. "Come on, Tai, don't be like that. You _do_ know you sound ridiculous, right?"

"I guess," Tai said.

They lapsed into silence pretty easily, and Yamato felt no need to continue the conversation. He could tell Tai was unsatisfied, like he wanted to say something else, but Yamato felt no need to help his friend out. Even Tai's discomfort wasn't really affecting him all that much. He didn't enjoy seeing Tai upset, but he didn't feel the need to fix things like he normally would have. Instead, he just had this vague notion that things were fine, that everything would fix itself and he wouldn't have to worry about anything at all.

Once they reached Yamato's front door, Tai cleared his throat and looked in Yamato's general direction without making eye contact.

"Uh… so, I guess I'll see you later, then."

Yamato rolled his eyes at Tai's discomfort. "Do you want to come in or what?"

Tai's eyes shot up to Yamato's. "What?!"

"Do you want to come in?"

"I… you mean, you're inviting me in?"

"Yeah."

"To your _apartment_?"

Yamato rolled his eyes again. "You've been in here before, Tai. God, you're such a freak sometimes."

"I… okay?"

Yamato unlocked his door and walked through it, kicking it open behind him so that Tai could follow. He threw his backpack on the couch, took off his shoes and coat, and walked towards the kitchen.

"Want something to drink?"

"Uh… a coke?"

"Sure," Yamato replied. He grabbed two glasses, filled them both with coke, then walked back to the living room and handed Tai his drink.

Tai looked like he was having some sort of internal struggle, and Yamato waited patiently for whatever outburst was coming next.

"So, uh… where's your dad?" Tai asked, swirling the coke around in his glass.

"He's at work," Yamato replied.

"But I thought he was here. You know, for Thanksgiving?" Tai was looking at Yamato directly now, eyes scanning the blond's face carefully.

"He was," Yamato lied. "He had more work to do, though. I think he should be home soon."

Yamato recalled that he hadn't wanted to lie to Tai any more, but it was so much easier to lie. Anyway, telling the truth would cause a fight, and there seemed to be no real reason to do that. Lying was easy, and he was good at it. Why shouldn't he do it?

Then he remembered he had wanted to keep Tai out of his apartment, but all the reasoning behind that seemed hazy to him now. Had he ever had a good reason? As long as Tai didn't find out about his dad, there was no harm in letting him come over, right? Even if Tai did find out, he was a nice guy. He'd probably just forgive and forget, as the cliché goes.

Everything was so easy and clear to Yamato now. He would lie because it was easy and he could do it, but if Tai found out, well, no real harm done. Even if Tai got mad, so what? There were plenty of people he could be friends with. Tai was just someone he happened to hang around with. There was no real reason to it. And sure, Yamato liked him, but there were always more people to hang out with and get crushes on, right? Everything just seemed so clear and easy. Why had he been having problems at all?

"So, is that what you were worried about?" Yamato asked, grinning. "Because you really shouldn't have been worried."

"Yeah. No, I…" Tai trailed off as he stared at his glass of soda. He immediately looked alarmed and slammed the glass down on the nearby table.

"Tai?" Yamato looked over at Tai's glass and noticed a smear of red on the edge of it. He sighed as he realized it was probably from his hand, and now Tai was going to have a fit about it when it really wasn't a big deal at all. Couldn't he just relax?

"Let me see your hands," Tai demanded. Yamato held his hands out, palms up, towards Tai. "Shit, Matt, your cuts re-opened," Tai said, cursing and heading towards the bathroom.

"Oh, no, these are new ones," Yamato said, looking idly at his hand. There was a crash from the bathroom and Yamato briefly wondered what had happened.

"What?!" Tai shouted, stomping towards Yamato. "What _happened_?"

Yamato shrugged. "I cut myself in art class."

Tai blinked. "You—what?"

"Cut myself. In art class."

"What do you mean, you cut yourself?" Tai's face darkened. "Was it an accident?"

"Yes," Yamato said, surprised that Tai would ask. "Well, the second time I was thinking about it, but it just happened before I could stop it, and—"

"Wait, what does _that_ mean?"

"I—"

"Are you saying you did this to yourself _intentionally_?"

"Well, no."

"So, you were thinking about it, how?"

"I was just thinking if it had hurt, and you know, it really didn't."

"Matt—"

"I mean, there was a little sting, but nothing really—"

"Matt!"

Yamato looked up at Tai, who was now standing in front of him. "Yeah?"

Tai stared at Yamato for a minute before his shoulders slumped. "Did you want to do this to yourself or not?"

Yamato looked at Tai and had a second to wonder the same thing before he heard a small clinking noise coming from the front door. Both boys turned to look as the front door opened, revealing a tall man wearing a long, brown trench coat. He had short, messy brown hair and thick lines under his eyes that stood out even from this distance.

The man's eyes met Yamato's and then flicked to Tai before settling back on Yamato.

The happiness and simplicity that Yamato had been feeling for the last few hours suddenly disappeared, leaving a jumble of conflicted emotions behind.

"Dad?"

~*~*~*~*~*~


End file.
